MIL ignoring DS allergies

Your DH and his mother are not taking this seriously and being selfish as hell.

Your MIL is literally putting her preference for snacks over the life of her grandchild and your husband is allowing it.

Your house. Your child. The MIL should be told exactly how selfish she is and as for your DH, he needs to decide if he has what it takes to be a father at all.

let's hope the old c*nt chokes on them!

I wouldn't be able to stay with them, they are putting your son in extreme danger... From the grandmothers perspective, it seems deliberate.... crazy!!!

They all need binning.
The nuts, the MIL, & the DH. Preferably TODAY.

Can you speak to safeguarding lead at your son's school? Your husband and your MIL have deliberately put your son's life at risk and you need to let other people know that your home isn't a safe space for your son or for you.

As other posters have said, I also recommend speaking to your GP.

I am sorry that your DH is such a prick. If you leave him, you need to think about DS's safety when he is with him, and think about involving SS or whoever it needs to be to have supervised access maybe, in order to keep your son safe.
They need to be aware that your DH is not taking this seriously.

Can you take MIL and DH with you to the consultant appointment, and get him to tell them how life threatening it is? It needs to be recorded somewhere that they are fully aware of the consequences.

Your husband moved his Mummy (who sounds perfectly well) into your house.
Your husband is going on a 14 day trip with his Mummy.
Your husband knows your child has a nut allergy that could kill him, and he goes shopping, with his Mummy, and lets her buy nuts, which he brings home.
Your husband swears at you, berates you and gaslights you in front of his own child, whilst defending his Mummy.

I'm using the term Mummy, because no normal grown man acts like this with his mother. This sounds nightmarish. Please show that piece of shit this thread.

I know you can't afford to leave but for your son's safety what are you going to do?

Why is that being silly? Unless he was helping with something heavy or fixing a maintenance issue, why on earth would an adult man be in a bedroom alone with his mum? I’m not implying anything illegal is going on or anything, just that it’s a worryingly blurred boundary and speaks volumes

When several adults are sharing a house that aren't part of the one nuclear family unit, it is quite common for people's bedrooms to double as their own private lounge/den. Somewhere to chill out away from the rest of the household. So the "D"H hanging out in his mum's bedroom is more like hanging out with her in the living room.

We had similar with MIL and the button batteries for her hearing aids. Apparently we were overanxious for asking her not to leave them lying around everywhere when we came to visit with 2 DC under 3. At least DH was fully on board and told MIL in no uncertain terms that it was dangerous.

OP - have my second ever LTB.

I’m so sorry. I’m beyond words. Some men and their mothers 🙄😡

@blanche79 I'm horrified at the cavalier attitude from your husband and MIL. Were they present when the doctor spelled out how dangerous nuts are to your son?

Can you call the specialist service who are caring for your son and ask if there is any chance for an extra appointment (perhaps even remote appointment, or even a phone call) for then to explain what precautions are needed at home? ie a quiet word to let them know your not-so-DH needs it in simple and direct terms.
NHS services are frequently used to having to manage challenging family situations and you may find this service amenable.

Even more silliness in your reply. You have literally named 2 possibilities why he was in there, yet you still think it’s worrying and blurred boundaries. Quite frankly, your thinking is bizarre. He could have been in there for the 2 reasons you say, or taking his mum food or drink, or generally having a chat (invited by her), asking about plans for the day, any care plans for the child.. a whole host of reasons. The door will be closed as that’s what MIL did when she brought the nuts in. My adult children living at home come into my bedroom to chat, sometimes we close the door .. is that weird, disturbing and concerning? Honestly, get a grip. Their response to the child’s life threatening nut allergy is the only issue here.

It is really, really odd that you think like that.

I tend to be Team MIL on here (being a MIL and everything), but this is outrageous.

70 isn't elderly, or shouldn't be these days unless someone has an illness. I love my son, DIL and thier DCs, but would rather move into sheltered accommodation than live with them if it came to it. Far better for family relationships.

@Change2banonI said UNLESS! Reading comprehension, please! Especially before declaring other people’s thinking weird! 😆

I completely disagree. In the context of a mummy’s boy like this, it’s very weird and clearly lots of other people agree with me, judging by the number of ‘Thanks’ votes I’ve received….

Only thanks votes? I got a standing ovation, a medal and tickets to the opera...🙄

??? Are you new to Mumsnet?!

But you have named 2 possible reasons he could be in there, yet still continue to say it’s a worryingly blurred boundary and speaks volumes. It is not weird at all for an adult to be in the bedroom of another adult. It’s really not.

Unfortunately she’s very old and has no money. She has been told about these things, changes for a while and then goes back to being dirty.
she will not change, she is stubborn and we’re stuck with it for many complicated reasons.
I wanted to highlight this to OP, she may not change but just get sneakier with the nuts, next time she will hide them.
OP, don’t end up living in an exhausting cycle of having to be hyper vigilant and constantly reminding others about their actions.

I wish mumsnet still had the laugh emoji ….

Yes but I said UNLESS X or Y then it’s a worryingly blurred boundary etc etc. Jesus f’ing Christ

So do I at the sheer lacking in reading comprehension! If someone says “Unless A or B then it’s X then that means X ONLY applies if A or B DIDN’T!

I cannot believe I’m having to teach basic English on Mumsnet!

@blanche79 Please start keeping a log of date, time and description of what happened. This is going to end up in the family courts and you are going to need it. Get a Gmail account you don't use elsewhere and keep everything there. Take photos of nuts in bins, screenshots of messages, everything you need because you risk ending up with an unsupervised visit.

I would also go to the GP and get your child an epi pen to carry around with them so that they have control over it.

Check the bin - i don't think MIL threw those nuts away. I think there will be nut oils on things from her hands before long.

And you CAN uproot your child. I understand if you choose not to. It is possible though, keep that in mind.

I really hope you get ANGRY and stay ANGRY at these people.