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Original poster

MIL ignoring DS allergies

276 replies

blanche79 · 14/09/2026 22:02

My elderly MIL lives with us, she’s in her 70s but has health issues so my husband doesn’t want ti leave her on her own. Honestly I’ve had quite a few issues with this arrangement so much so that I’m genuinely planning on ending my marriage. But that’s not the issue. Recently my DS (4 years) went into anaphylactic shock and we’ve learnt he has a severe nut allergy. The doctors have advised us to keep the house COMPLETELY nut free until all tests are done and we know exactly which nuts he can’t have. It was bloody traumatic, ambulance had to be called and he now has epi pens. Tonight my MIL goes Tesco with my husband and brings back…. You guessed it.. nuts! FUDGING 3 bags of walnuts, peanuts and almonds. Are you FK me? I say to my husband what is going on and he doesn’t see an issue with it, saying she’ll keep them in her room in a sealed box and won’t eat them around him. What do I do without causing a scene? I wanted to scream and shout and throw the nuts out but I don’t want to wake DS!

AIBU- DS will be fine, the nuts are in one bedroom
AINBU- MIl and husband need to F off

OP posts:
Bunnyotter1896 · 14/09/2026 22:22

Thats unbelievable. So so selfish. Yanbu. Put them in the bin and stand firm. You are 100% in the right. And its such a serious thing.

My nephew has an anaphylaxis to peanuts and they arent allowed in my house. He doesnt live with me but i dont even want them in the enviroment like on door handles from my kids sticky fingers. Just wont risk it and want to be 100% relaxed and know he is totally safe when he is here.

I am in complete shock his gran and dad would bring them to his home knowing what he is going through. I would struggle with this. It breaks trust that they will do best by the wee boy who should come first.

Original poster
blanche79 · 14/09/2026 22:27

Thank you! She’s closed her bedroom door after showing me the sealed packets and promises not to open them at least for tonight. After I drop DS to school tomorrow I will come back and throw them out. That way he doesn’t have to witness a scene which I’m sure MIL will make. I think everyone is largely right and I need to lay down some bloody rules.

OP posts:
Nsky62 · 14/09/2026 22:27

andweallsingalong · 14/09/2026 22:15

I would be leaving that house until your DH can be trusted.

I think your title is misleading because DH, your son's other parent took her to the supermarket and authorised her to bring the nuts into your home against medical advise. So he is the one that can't be trusted.

Edited

Both equally

seahorsessky · 14/09/2026 22:29

Some people at 70 are leading fitness classes. Some have clear signs of dementia. She might genuinely not understand/think that he'll be ok as he'll be other places that have nuts-my gran would have done exactly the same with our kids, however we tried to explain, because the dementia made her think it was the seventies when they didn't know much about allergens. It does not make her evil-she had health problems and deserved love and compassion.

Original poster
blanche79 · 14/09/2026 22:30

andweallsingalong · 14/09/2026 22:15

I would be leaving that house until your DH can be trusted.

I think your title is misleading because DH, your son's other parent took her to the supermarket and authorised her to bring the nuts into your home against medical advise. So he is the one that can't be trusted.

Edited

Also very true. He’s not all bad but he seriously needs to grow a pair. Me and DS can no longer come second. I guess tomorrow is a big day for me! Will hopefully update with better news Smile

OP posts:
comealongdobbeh · 14/09/2026 22:33

JFC your DH is an asshole.

Cause the biggest scene you can - your DS’ life is more important!

I’d also have it documented in your son’s clinic notes that your DH allowed this to happen. Might need it down the line…

fashionqueen0123 · 14/09/2026 22:36

blanche79 · 14/09/2026 22:27

Thank you! She’s closed her bedroom door after showing me the sealed packets and promises not to open them at least for tonight. After I drop DS to school tomorrow I will come back and throw them out. That way he doesn’t have to witness a scene which I’m sure MIL will make. I think everyone is largely right and I need to lay down some bloody rules.

I’d wait til she was asleep and go in and take them. She could move them tomorrow or eat them and then touch things around the house.

somanychristmaslights · 14/09/2026 22:37

andthat · 14/09/2026 22:04

They need to fuck right off.

Sit them down. Explain this could kill him and make it clear that if they continue to bring nuts into the house they are risking his life so you will have to leave.

idiots.

No, THEY should be the ones to leave. Your son should be safe in his own home.

Original poster
blanche79 · 14/09/2026 22:37

seahorsessky · 14/09/2026 22:29

Some people at 70 are leading fitness classes. Some have clear signs of dementia. She might genuinely not understand/think that he'll be ok as he'll be other places that have nuts-my gran would have done exactly the same with our kids, however we tried to explain, because the dementia made her think it was the seventies when they didn't know much about allergens. It does not make her evil-she had health problems and deserved love and compassion.

This 70 year old does not have dementia, trust me. She is lucid enough to be going on a wellness trip with my husband for 14 days whilst I work , study and juggle motherhood. I just chose a bad one and then had a child with him. No one to blame but myself.

OP posts:
Theyreeatingthedogs · 14/09/2026 22:40

I'd throw all the nuts out. That includes DH and MIL.

Charel2girl5 · 14/09/2026 22:41

I would dump the nuts, you MIL and your husband. Utter wankers!

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 14/09/2026 22:42

There's accidentally buying something that contains nuts and there is going out and buying 3 bags of nuts with intent.

Nobody needs nuts. If she wants nuts she can move back out and she can eat them at her own house away from your child.

Divorce your husband though. Asap. Document factually how he has failed to protect your son in this instance.

ColadhSamh · 14/09/2026 22:43

Unreal behaviour from both of them but especially your husband. Like someone else has suggested I would go to her room now and remove the nuts now. This is serious. Neither of them seem to care that the nuts could kill your child.
I think I would have packed a bag when they returned and left with my son. Gone to a hotel and given them both an ultimatum. Alternatively, get them both to.leave and they can enjoy their nuts.

ThatLilacTiger · 14/09/2026 22:47

blanche79 · 14/09/2026 22:27

Thank you! She’s closed her bedroom door after showing me the sealed packets and promises not to open them at least for tonight. After I drop DS to school tomorrow I will come back and throw them out. That way he doesn’t have to witness a scene which I’m sure MIL will make. I think everyone is largely right and I need to lay down some bloody rules.

Please don't wait. A doctor told you to keep all nuts out of your house or risk your son dying. Get them out of your house, now. She clearly can't be trusted not to open them since she clearly couldn't be trusted not to bring them into your home in the first place. And it wouldn't surprise me if she couldn't be trusted not to slip some to your son to prove a point about how it's not that serious. Get the nuts and her out of your house now.

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 14/09/2026 22:50

Theyreeatingthedogs · 14/09/2026 22:40

I'd throw all the nuts out. That includes DH and MIL.

This

ThatLilacTiger · 14/09/2026 22:51

fashionqueen0123 · 14/09/2026 22:36

I’d wait til she was asleep and go in and take them. She could move them tomorrow or eat them and then touch things around the house.

Show quote history

I feel like I'm going mad reading some of these replies suggesting you wait or tip toe or issue ultimatums. I'd kick the fucking door off its hinges and have both of them and their nuts outside before bedtime. There's no way she hasn't done this intentionally.

thisisyoursign · 14/09/2026 22:57

Herewegoagain57 · 14/09/2026 22:07

If your DH would rather keep the peace with his mum than save his son going through another allergic reaction then it would be end of marriage for me.

Agree with this, you need to tell your husband in no uncertain terms that your house is nut free and if they can’t abide by that they both need to leave. Does he understand it could seriously harm your child??

BunfightBetty · 14/09/2026 23:01

I have a child with a nut allergy.

Go nuclear.

Honestly, if this was me, you'd hear me shouting in the next town over. They need telling - now - in no uncertain terms. How DARE they gamble with your son's life?

I agree with pps that I'd be in her room gathering the nuts and putting them in the bin now - there's no way she can be trusted, she's clearly entirely self-centred. She doesn't give a shit about your son.

As for Mummy's Boy, he'd be given a choice of growing a pair or fucking off.

spirah · 14/09/2026 23:04

This really is toying with your son’s life. It’s like letting him play with knives or matches.

MIL sounds vindictive and I think she knows she is causing issues - in her head it could be a fight of who will ‘win’ dh.

I would consider your future- it isn’t fair on you having MIL play games against you but mostly toy with the life of DS.

And tomorrow morning I’d put those nuts in a public bin so they can’t be fished out. As pp said- nut residue on her fingers could cause a reaction for ds.

If a school has 1 child with a nut allergy, the rule is NO nuts at all, not just that child’s class. That’s for a reason.

Yoir DH needs to become a man too and stop breastfeeding from mummy 🙄

Burgerssanspea · 14/09/2026 23:04

BirdLandedonmyHead · 14/09/2026 22:10

The nuts being in her room wont stop tje nut proteins being on her hands as she touches doirs, taps etc.

You cant make the world nut free, but you can keep your sons home safe.

This.

l

fashionqueen0123 · 14/09/2026 23:10

ThatLilacTiger · 14/09/2026 22:51

I feel like I'm going mad reading some of these replies suggesting you wait or tip toe or issue ultimatums. I'd kick the fucking door off its hinges and have both of them and their nuts outside before bedtime. There's no way she hasn't done this intentionally.

Show quote history

Exactly no one needs a bag of nuts! Just remove them and put them in an outside bin.

PJ98 · 14/09/2026 23:16

Not sure why you're blaming your MIL. Your DH is an absolute idiot.

I'd be throwing the nuts out IMMEDIATELY and probably DH and MIL too. Prioritise your child. He could die.

Onlyme7575 · 14/09/2026 23:42

BirdLandedonmyHead · 14/09/2026 22:10

The nuts being in her room wont stop tje nut proteins being on her hands as she touches doirs, taps etc.

You cant make the world nut free, but you can keep your sons home safe.

Exactly this.and is she going to wash her hands every time she eats a nut,before she goes around the house.sorry i wouldn’t have this at all.your son is more important.

YetAnotherAlias62 · 14/09/2026 23:48

I think you need to assume that, even if you throw out the nuts she currently has, either she or your "D"H will just buy more - they stupidly don't understand/believe that this could be fatal for your DS.
Your DH is the main problem here, putting his mother over the health of your DS.
Kick them both out if possible. If not, you and your DS will have to leave, he just won't be safe there.
Best of luck.