AIBU to keep dd at home due to repeated incidents at school?

You can’t keep your child off school every time she has any kind of problem and expect her to grow up with resilience and the ability to face life’s regular ups and downs. Keeping her off school will not enable the school to deal with it any quicker.

Keep on top of the school and keep asking questions about what’s going on, but don’t jump to the conclusion that your dd is being bullied just because you were. It sounds like she can hold her own and good for her. If she is being advised not to play with them then it suggests that she is gravitating towards the other children and maybe she does need to stay away from them.

Remember that your dds version is a 5year olds perception and she is not going to tell you if she has done anything she shouldn’t.

I think avoiding sounds like a good suggestion.

You can’t keep her off.

Tell her to stay away from them as the teacher has suggested.

Agreed. You are only getting half the story - surely you realise this OP? She has been told to make good choices which suggests she has a responsibility here too.

YABu to keep your kid off school. But if it isn’t for you then homeschool - otherwise you are sounding a bit like that parent:

Have a formal meeting with Class teacher and Head teacher.

You can't keep her off school, it doesn't solve the problem.

You need to challenge the school in writing about their failure to safeguard your dd.

I am a given and have a lot of experience of dealing with such issues, if you would like some assistance feel free to pm me and I will happily assist you

I’m sorry a lot of this just sounds like normal behaviour for that age. I’m constantly reminding children in infants to keep their hands and feet to themselves. We also get a lot of children saying someone is being ‘mean’ to them but then can’t explain what exactly how.

I totally agree with you. I maybe wouldn't keep her off but she is being targeted. Maybe email the class teacher and the Head and ask for a meeting. I actually don't blame your dd for retaliating by drawing on their work. Being nice hasn't got them to stop. I don't blame her for trying to make herself look like less of a pushover. I agree the adults need to stop it rather than put the onus on a 5 year old
It's not acceptable. I don't like the way the teacher is trying to make her responsible. Is the teacher inexperienced?

I feel for you. I was bullied in school too and I find it really, really hard not to project those issues on to every single incident my kids report to me. I find it all really triggering and upsetting and I’m inclined to blow it out of proportion. My husband is pretty good at talking me down, though (and I am now aware of it myself so I’m getting it under control).

I would keep on at the school every time she reports an incident. But try to bear in mind that they are all, the boys included, just babies, really.

I would ask the teacher to describe in detail what is happening. For example, is DD starting any of these episodes herself or is she merely responding to what the boys have done to her? I think that's crucial information you need before taking any action.

If they’re repeatedly hitting, pushing, damaging her belongings/work or deliberately doing things to her, surely the adults need to manage that rather than expecting a five-year-old to avoid them?

I agree with you

It doesn't sound like she's being targeted, it sounds like they wind each other up when together. From what they teacher says, it sounds like your dd may have been just as silly and so they all need to stay away from each other. Keeping her off would really be very silly.

It sounds like they've done a lot more to your dd than she's done back. Plus there's two of them picking on her. The fact that one of them hit your dd after being upset by another child makes her look like their scapegoat.

I agree.

This doesn’t sound like a bullying situation, rather kids winding each other up.

It’s probably become quite tit for tat now.

Ask the teacher to come find hard on them all and that they are not to play with each other anymore at all - perhaps she could say until October half term and then review.

It sounds like your DD may not have many friends and so tries being friends with these boys but ends up winding them up instead

I would ask for a meeting with the Headteacher and Early Years lead. It's not acceptable for your child to be hit or to have her work and belongings ruined. The school need to give you assurances that they will be making sure this doesn't happen again and not relying on a 5 year old 'staying away from the boys' - what if the boys don't stay away from her?

We had this with one child in my son's class all through primary school. The child obviously had problems but he was violent to several children, threw scissors across the classroom and cut my son's hand, punched a little girl in the face and gave her a bloody nose! I went in and met with teacher and Headteacher numerous times and I was told he has anger problems, he's very sweet really (!) and his punishments were to get sent to the Headteacher and play Xbox in his office! I'm ashamed to say that I eventually lost my temper and shouted at his mother in the playground and told her if her son touches my son again, I would call the police. Not my finest hour but it did actually stop after that! 🙈

I agree too.

I disagree with you. She needs to retaliate and stand up for herself. I would make it clear to her that is what she has to do, that she wouldn't be in trouble with me, and that I would deal with anything the teacher had to say.

Staying at home is also avoiding them and is bad for her. Avoiding them in school is sensible. YABU

Take her in and go to the office. Ask to speak to the Head. Explain she’s scared to go in and you need to know their action plan before she’s taken into the classroom. She is not responsible for their behaviour and a teacher should not be saying make good choices! I wouldn’t be happy about that.
Is there two classes? Sounds like the boys need splitting up.

Just tell her that school is non negotiable and let her know she'll be fine, which she will.

Well it isnt, she needs to go to school, avoiding is a terrible idea.

Sorry but I cant believe how wet and dramatic some of these responses are - especially the ones asking for a meeting with the head. Do you not think headteachers have more pressing matters?

Of course you cannot keep her off school because of these minor incidents. All kids have tales like this at some point in infant school. She has to build some resilience and learn that not everyone in life is going to be nice to you. Its horrible to think of your kids feeling sad about school - but it really is part of life to learn how to ignore/deal with a bit of unkindness.

Reading between lines - your DD sounds like shes giving as good as she gets with everything so far. She drew on their art, the teacher said they ALL need reminding to keep hands and feet to themselves. Thats a good thing. Shes sticking up for herself.

Encourage her to talk to you, but dont dramatise it all to her and try not to feed it. Some children will exaggerate a story if they know it will get them attention - then you'll go in all guns blazing and look a fool if they can prove you wrong. Then you'll forever be wondering if DD is lying or not.