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Is everyone, everywhere ND - I seriously am confused.

549 replies

ThisWiseRobin · 13/09/2026 13:36

I understand that hundreds of hackles will rise, some will spit fire, some will curse me, but I just need to ask something, because currently things don't sit comfortably with me.

For ref: I read a thread about how children behave in school and how many times on MN posters will say that their child is Autistic, ADHD, or some other new word for being different.

See, when my generation was at school (1970), we had the lively kids, the quiet kids, the ones who did brilliantly, and the ones who struggled (like me with maths).
The less academic kids were usually great at sport or music or art; the most brainy ones scooped up all the prizes at prize-giving, and that was that. Life was uncomplicated and many will agree the best time to be alive.
But when the teacher walked in, all went quiet. No one threw furniture, no one had trouble calming down, no one screamed or threw tantrums....it simply did not happen. We all seemed to be able to control our emotions and get on with things.
I am truly distressed and concerned (after years of working in a pharmacy) about how many children are now drugged up, suppressed, or out of control - all of which lead to an unhappy child and a very unhappy adult.
It just seems to be everywhere, and I have had parents come in to proudly announce the diagnosis of something as if it's a badge of honour. "At last someone is listening to us....at least we have a diagnosis" - the little one is either fiddling with something on the shelf or jumping on the scales or whatever. I used to say, "Don't do that, thank you," and they would stop.

I don't want to detract from real problems but so many posters here just claim one diversity or another or suggest that a child who is being wacky and noisy is ND (I hate that expression - honestly)
I know my generation is a pain in the a** in younger people's eyes because they think we know nothing, but if the child is overactive, let them swing from the washing line, run around in circles on a field, or dig a hole.
Not every child is going to be at the top of their class; please let your children be children.
Us old people are not stupid; we have had quite a few turns around the sun and sometimes I just despair of what the future generations are going to turn out like.

*Calling a taxi for one now

OP posts:
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11
TigerRag · 13/09/2026 19:57

Ashmoleum · 13/09/2026 19:49

At one point there was a label of Aspergers applied to certain ND. I recall thinking it covered a milder version of full on ASD and Aspergers were more on the savant side of it, focused on things like computers, maths, lists, intricate construction of items, and so on, whereas the full on ASD had a more challenging diagnosis.

I don't mean to offend anyone by saying the above, it was just my perception at the time, and my nephew was initially given the Asperger's diagnosis, but is now ASD.

I realise that Aspergers is no longer used, due to its association with Hans Asperger and his Nazi eugenics connection, together with the merging of Aspergers into the broad spectrum of ASD.

Computers and maths aren't part of the diagnostic criteria. I know people who are good at maths who to my knowledge aren't autistic. I used to know someone with an English degree who is autistic

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 19:58

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 19:46

I hope not.

My son manages well in mainstream but only with his EHCP. If he doesn't have his EHCP then he'd have to go a specialist school except you can't without an EHCP.

It will not come into effect till 29/30 but EHCPs will be for complex needs. Not behaviour. Everyone else will fall under the 3 remaining tiers. Plus I assume most EHCPs made now will be honoured.

PensionPTake · 13/09/2026 20:02

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 19:58

It will not come into effect till 29/30 but EHCPs will be for complex needs. Not behaviour. Everyone else will fall under the 3 remaining tiers. Plus I assume most EHCPs made now will be honoured.

EHCPs aren't given out for behaviour now, they're given to those with special educational needs.

Octavia64 · 13/09/2026 20:03

Ashmoleum · 13/09/2026 19:49

At one point there was a label of Aspergers applied to certain ND. I recall thinking it covered a milder version of full on ASD and Aspergers were more on the savant side of it, focused on things like computers, maths, lists, intricate construction of items, and so on, whereas the full on ASD had a more challenging diagnosis.

I don't mean to offend anyone by saying the above, it was just my perception at the time, and my nephew was initially given the Asperger's diagnosis, but is now ASD.

I realise that Aspergers is no longer used, due to its association with Hans Asperger and his Nazi eugenics connection, together with the merging of Aspergers into the broad spectrum of ASD.

Yeah there’s certainly an argument that autism as a description covers a huge range now.

Asperger’s is no longer diagnosed it’s all autistic spectrum disorder but there is a loss of specificity there.

part of the reason for the merging was that due to interventions such as total communication children who met the diagnostic criteria for autism age 2 or 3 were then reaching 13 or 14 and were verbal and had developed a level of social skills etc that meant they no longer met the strict criteria for autism - but they were clearly autistic children who had progressed not autistic children who had recovered if you see what I mean.

this new population continued to need suppprt into adolescence and adulthood (but much less support than if they had not had interventions) and do ideally needed a descriptive medical label (aka diagnosis) so the autism diagnosis was extended and the Asperger’s brought in.

autistic children diagnosed at 2 or 3 who have had significant intervention and are now verbal and able to communicate well with others are fairly distinguishable from the children who previously would have had an Asperger’s diagnosis though.

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 20:03

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 19:58

It will not come into effect till 29/30 but EHCPs will be for complex needs. Not behaviour. Everyone else will fall under the 3 remaining tiers. Plus I assume most EHCPs made now will be honoured.

My son has been described as complex so fingers crossed he'll be able to keep his because I don't know what we'll do otherwise.

PensionPTake · 13/09/2026 20:06

nomoremsniceperson · 13/09/2026 19:41

Bit difficult to do that without being very very outing. I'll try to be vague but still explain... The situation in question is very sad and to do with a familial trauma involving a child who developed a very serious psychiatric issue that I don't want to name but is clearly a form of psychosis. They were instead diagnosed as having autism/ADHD. I knew this child since their babyhood well up until 12 and their development was entirely normal and healthy. Two other family members deeply affected by the traumatic events were then diagnosed too, despite me knowing the family very well for 20+ years and never ever seeing autistic traits in those members. Last time I saw them they suddenly had these diagnoses and their personalities had changed. It was very upsetting and I feel as though it is impeding their ability to properly process grief and heal from the trauma as a family, whilst also cementing those 2 family members into false identities. It has created a false narrative about what caused the main traumatic event (autism! of course!) and has put a huge burden on the mother of the family.

In my experience they look at everything before diagnosing asd and in great depth. If there's even a hint of trauma being the cause of any traits this will be thoroughly explored before an asd diagnosis is made.

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:07

PensionPTake · 13/09/2026 20:02

EHCPs aren't given out for behaviour now, they're given to those with special educational needs.

Yes. PDA, ODD. These are behaviour with a mix of autism. I have a student who is diagnosed autistic (She’s not) but stand alone PDA is a tricky one to put through. She has an EHCP. She wouldn’t get one if the white paper goes through. She has recently had one.

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 20:09

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:07

Yes. PDA, ODD. These are behaviour with a mix of autism. I have a student who is diagnosed autistic (She’s not) but stand alone PDA is a tricky one to put through. She has an EHCP. She wouldn’t get one if the white paper goes through. She has recently had one.

Not necessarily

https://sossen.org.uk/send-reform/white-paper/

Package B

B. Packages with adapted delivery of curriculum, including different environments:

  • 4. Social and emotional development focused on challenging behaviour, e.g. ASD, ADHD, language disorder plus other learning and communication needs.
  • 5. Social and emotional development focused on internalising behaviour, e.g. withdrawal and shutting down; may be due to ASD, language disorder or wider mental health needs.

White Paper

https://sossen.org.uk/send-reform/white-paper/

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:10

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 20:03

My son has been described as complex so fingers crossed he'll be able to keep his because I don't know what we'll do otherwise.

There are 4 tiers. EHCPs will be specifically for complex needs. Which they should be. I also believe if your child was in year 3/4 this year it shouldn’t have any effect if it does go through. At the moment it is just white paper.

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 20:11

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 20:03

My son has been described as complex so fingers crossed he'll be able to keep his because I don't know what we'll do otherwise.

Lots with autism will. Those who already have EHCPs will keep them and there will be ND children who still qualify.

Octavia64 · 13/09/2026 20:11

Re the feeling like there has been an explosion in autism:

when I first started working with disabled children in the 90s probably the largest single group was children with Down’s.

now you can do an antenatal test for Down’s and very few children with Down’s are born.

https://www.dsmig.org.uk/information-resources/by-topic/demography/

85% of pregnancies with Down’s are terminated.

there are quite a few other disabilities that are now detected before birth through scans and antenatal tests etc and many of those will be terminated for medical reasons.

so I suspect one reason why it feels like a massive increase in autism is because many of the other previously common disabilities now are a lot, lot less common.

autism can’t be screened for pre-birth and it’s rare for it to be diagnosed pre age 2 which is when many couples have their second child.

other disabilities becoming rarer is also an explanation.

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 20:12

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:10

There are 4 tiers. EHCPs will be specifically for complex needs. Which they should be. I also believe if your child was in year 3/4 this year it shouldn’t have any effect if it does go through. At the moment it is just white paper.

Many children with ND have complex needs.

NotThisAgain1987 · 13/09/2026 20:12

ThisWiseRobin · 13/09/2026 13:36

I understand that hundreds of hackles will rise, some will spit fire, some will curse me, but I just need to ask something, because currently things don't sit comfortably with me.

For ref: I read a thread about how children behave in school and how many times on MN posters will say that their child is Autistic, ADHD, or some other new word for being different.

See, when my generation was at school (1970), we had the lively kids, the quiet kids, the ones who did brilliantly, and the ones who struggled (like me with maths).
The less academic kids were usually great at sport or music or art; the most brainy ones scooped up all the prizes at prize-giving, and that was that. Life was uncomplicated and many will agree the best time to be alive.
But when the teacher walked in, all went quiet. No one threw furniture, no one had trouble calming down, no one screamed or threw tantrums....it simply did not happen. We all seemed to be able to control our emotions and get on with things.
I am truly distressed and concerned (after years of working in a pharmacy) about how many children are now drugged up, suppressed, or out of control - all of which lead to an unhappy child and a very unhappy adult.
It just seems to be everywhere, and I have had parents come in to proudly announce the diagnosis of something as if it's a badge of honour. "At last someone is listening to us....at least we have a diagnosis" - the little one is either fiddling with something on the shelf or jumping on the scales or whatever. I used to say, "Don't do that, thank you," and they would stop.

I don't want to detract from real problems but so many posters here just claim one diversity or another or suggest that a child who is being wacky and noisy is ND (I hate that expression - honestly)
I know my generation is a pain in the a** in younger people's eyes because they think we know nothing, but if the child is overactive, let them swing from the washing line, run around in circles on a field, or dig a hole.
Not every child is going to be at the top of their class; please let your children be children.
Us old people are not stupid; we have had quite a few turns around the sun and sometimes I just despair of what the future generations are going to turn out like.

*Calling a taxi for one now

Things were thrown, "tantrums" happened etc etc the just happened away in institutions where the learning disabiled/autistic folks were separated off.

I worked with the last gents to leave these kinds of institutions and helped them transition into a regular home and the left over institutionalisation.

You've lived a very privileged life if you're unaware of these institutions let alone what happened within them.

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:13

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 20:09

Not necessarily

https://sossen.org.uk/send-reform/white-paper/

Package B

B. Packages with adapted delivery of curriculum, including different environments:

  • 4. Social and emotional development focused on challenging behaviour, e.g. ASD, ADHD, language disorder plus other learning and communication needs.
  • 5. Social and emotional development focused on internalising behaviour, e.g. withdrawal and shutting down; may be due to ASD, language disorder or wider mental health needs.

If you’re optimistic then yes. As a realist it’s pretty obvious what the aim of the paper is. Too much is being spent. If more money is poured into early years where will the EHCP money come from?

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 20:15

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:10

There are 4 tiers. EHCPs will be specifically for complex needs. Which they should be. I also believe if your child was in year 3/4 this year it shouldn’t have any effect if it does go through. At the moment it is just white paper.

He's just started Year 6.

I've read bits about the white paper, I find it all worrying and overwhelming to be honest.

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:16

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 20:12

Many children with ND have complex needs.

Do you work in a school? I only ask because I can absolutely see where there will be a cut off. In my class alone (deprived area) I have 13 children on the SEN register. I would say 2 (at a push) would receive an EHCP under new tiers.

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 20:19

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:16

Do you work in a school? I only ask because I can absolutely see where there will be a cut off. In my class alone (deprived area) I have 13 children on the SEN register. I would say 2 (at a push) would receive an EHCP under new tiers.

Being on the SEN register doesn’t mean you have an EHCP, some of those won’t have an EHCP under current organisation.

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:19

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 20:15

He's just started Year 6.

I've read bits about the white paper, I find it all worrying and overwhelming to be honest.

If it goes through. Children now in year 4 will be reassessed when they go to secondary school. From what I understand you won’t be affected. He is, what I’ve heard,to be in the safe zone.

Northernlights19 · 13/09/2026 20:19

I work in a care home and support a resident with cerebal palsy and learning difficulties. It not that she didn't manage in school, she wasn't allowed to attend. We actually supported her to learn to read.

So there were people with differences but they were forced to be hidden away. I personally don't want to live in a society like that, however much it might suit you and some other people.

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:22

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 20:19

Being on the SEN register doesn’t mean you have an EHCP, some of those won’t have an EHCP under current organisation.

I didn’t say it did. I work in a school. I’m part of the process. Of my class 4 have EHCPs. 2 are on a list. The rest, parents want one but will definitely not get one.

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 20:24

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:22

I didn’t say it did. I work in a school. I’m part of the process. Of my class 4 have EHCPs. 2 are on a list. The rest, parents want one but will definitely not get one.

Well if there’s better provision they won’t need them. If there isn’t and they’re not catered for their needs will turn into more complex needs and they will eventually qualify but be harder to support which won’t be good for the tax payer or them.

PensionPTake · 13/09/2026 20:26

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:07

Yes. PDA, ODD. These are behaviour with a mix of autism. I have a student who is diagnosed autistic (She’s not) but stand alone PDA is a tricky one to put through. She has an EHCP. She wouldn’t get one if the white paper goes through. She has recently had one.

So they have an EHCP due to their pda (which is a classed as profile of asd, so yes she is autistic) and odd, which is a mental health and behavioural conduct disorder (odd is not behaviour 'with a mix of autism'). They don't have EHCPs 'for behaviour'. You make it sound like kids are getting EHCPs because they're a bit naughty in class.

Pumpkinmagic · 13/09/2026 20:27

QuantumLevelActions · 13/09/2026 13:51

I've spent a lifetime, from being a child in the 1970s until quite recently, wondering why I find it so difficult to make friends, why I keep apparently saying the wrong thing, why I'm always so gullible and take what people say literally when apparently I shouldn't, why crowds upset me, why being with lots of people is exhausting, why I hate parties, etc etc.

No prizes for guessing that I'm one of the many women diagnosed with autism at around menopause age.

I was quiet and clever at school, and always a rule-follower. So no-one ever thought there was anything 'different' about me. I wasn't ever a problem child for my parents or teacher. Quite the reverse if anything. I could sit and read or occupy myself quietly for hours.

We have always been there, we just weren't always noticed. And we're not all badly behaved.

This is me, although no diagnosis. It only dawned on me recently that I am likely ND having always thought of myself as NT. I will admit for years I thought that the increase in kids with an ADHD diagnosis was just bad parenting. I realise now it’s not that. A huge number of my work colleagues / friends in recent years now have a diagnosis and have adjustments made at work. I agree with what some have said about the environment we find ourselves in, the rushing around, never switching off, constant stimulation. Working Mums, less available for our children. They can’t just switch off at home as spending longer at after school club/nursery. No down time for us. Just constant overstimulation. So many things to consider. I find it very interesting.

nomoremsniceperson · 13/09/2026 20:31

aCatCalledFawkes · 13/09/2026 19:50

But, all those things can be true at the same time. You can have psychosis, trauma, adhd and autism. My family has only just started talking about this. You are not the best person to detect autism if you have always known things to be the way they are. 20yrs ago we didn't measure autism in the same way or recognise it the way we do now.

That's true. What is also true is that medicine has experienced some measure of institutional capture related to progressive causes - see also over-diagnosis of people as being trans. The explosion of cases is always explained away as "we didn't understand now what we did then" or "masking/camouflage" when in fact there is often a big element of social contagion plus a myriad other factors - such as trauma, or wanting a release from typical social expectations - which might make someone find a diagnosis desirable, and seek out that diagnosis. Then there's the endless online discourse about autism and how you might be autistic if you tick this and this box.. someone directed me to this checklist because they thought I was autistic based on one thing I said, and I tick most of the boxes - I'm not bloody autistic! This definition is way too broad!! https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/. And don't interpret this as me not wanting to be autistic or thinking it's bad - I was, for a while, excited at the prospect that I might have autism, it seemed like an attractive answer to why I always felt so different and couldn't fulfil my potential etc. I just realised that if I look at the actual core criteria for being autistic, I simply don't fulfil it.

Added to that, like so many things online, it can become an identity and then a person has the desire to validate that identity with an official diagnosis. If you say/do the right things at an evaluation, you can pretty easily game the system - there are numerous threads on Reddit, for example, coaching people in what might come up at an assessment and how to answer questions in the right way to get the desired diagnosis.

I also know several kids with autism that is clearly correctly diagnosed. Autism isn't just feeling different or not liking crowds or finding some social situations challenging. It's a real condition and it bothers me that diagnosis is becoming broadened to the point that it is becoming a meaningless term.

I must qualify this by saying I don't really know how things are in the UK - I live in mainland Europe and can only speak to the situation here.

Females and Autism: A checklist

This list is meant as a springboard for discussion and more awareness into the female experience with autism. By Samantha Craft Females with Autism: An Un

https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

EverMerge · 13/09/2026 20:42

PensionPTake · 13/09/2026 20:26

So they have an EHCP due to their pda (which is a classed as profile of asd, so yes she is autistic) and odd, which is a mental health and behavioural conduct disorder (odd is not behaviour 'with a mix of autism'). They don't have EHCPs 'for behaviour'. You make it sound like kids are getting EHCPs because they're a bit naughty in class.

No. You’ve not read all my comments.

PDA can stand alone. I think it had to be mixed for my child because when she was diagnosed it had to be with autism. I’m sure you will object but I know her and I know she’s not.

Dont pick up on my odd bit of lazy “quotes” Tomorrow I will be juggling 1 PDA child, one autistic child, one ADHD, two with no diagnosis and one child with complex disabilities. They are not naughty. I am building the best school experience for them. I enjoy it. But I can also see who will be getting an EHCP in the future.