Is everyone, everywhere ND - I seriously am confused.

I've spent a lifetime, from being a child in the 1970s until quite recently, wondering why I find it so difficult to make friends, why I keep apparently saying the wrong thing, why I'm always so gullible and take what people say literally when apparently I shouldn't, why crowds upset me, why being with lots of people is exhausting, why I hate parties, etc etc.

No prizes for guessing that I'm one of the many women diagnosed with autism at around menopause age.

I was quiet and clever at school, and always a rule-follower. So no-one ever thought there was anything 'different' about me. I wasn't ever a problem child for my parents or teacher. Quite the reverse if anything. I could sit and read or occupy myself quietly for hours.

We have always been there, we just weren't always noticed. And we're not all badly behaved.

Ahh I get you, yes that makes sense.

However if this is the case it makes me wonder why the parents of violent children don’t put a stop to the screens.

Just to add, there’s a theory that there are more ND kids these days as more ND people are meeting one another (and having kids) thanks to online dating, more people going to university or leaving their tiny village they grew up in than previous generations. The village ‘oddball’ would not have married or might have married a NT person. Nowadays they’re meeting fellow ND people on dating apps, or they’ve met fellow ND people whilst studying computer science at university etc.

I met my husband hundreds of miles away from our hometowns whilst at work together. I was there as a rotating resident doctor , a few generations ago i probably wouldn’t have studied medicine so wouldn’t have met him and had our autistic child.

Hope that makes sense

Indeed.

I just don't think those kids went to school. We had very little disruption at school but there were 2-3 kids in every class who you only saw about once a month if that. The focus on attendance has forced these kids into school every day and they're reaching boiling point a lot quicker.

Not really. My son is in a school built in the 50s never changed the building but theres a ton more kids than would of been.

I’m in my 30s with young children and agree with you whole heartedly.

Children don’t experience fear or respect anymore. So they do whatever they please the whole time. We are a child centric society with more adults on antidepressants than ever.

We don’t demand respect anymore, we bend and cave and then blame the kids brain rather than our society and parenting.

I’ve been a bit shocked at the in-class violence too tbh. My DD’s class has had to be evacuated a few times because a child is throwing chairs or having such an intense meltdown people might get hurt. That never happened in all my years at school, yet she’s been at school two years and it’s happened more than once. She’s quite blasé about it now, but it does worry me a bit. There seems so much more physical violence and anger now. We definitely had ND kids in my class, some of them definitely weren’t properly catered to, but we didn’t have the violence that seems to come along with it so often now.

Theres also some evidence that older fathers are more likely to have ND children as sperm quality changes (of course previously it was assumed that only women's bodies age!)

It's not just kids. Every second guy my DH works with has a shiny new ADHD diagnosis, and the legal speed to match.

Children with autism and/or adhd need firm boundaries just as much if not more than children without. That's what parents aren't quite getting sometimes. And sometimes children find it difficult to accept boundaries, which is no reason to give up.

I think looking back there was more fear of teachers, parents, police and adults in general.

What has this got to do with Neurodiversity?

An older friend of mine told me about how he and his mates used to regularly play fight whilst throwing bricks and rubble, as there were remnants of bombed buildings on or close to the school grounds - I think the 60s and 70s were more violent as standard, things like that would never be acceptable now!

Some links: https://www.fatherly.com/health/adhd-twice-likely-youngest-kids-class-study-says

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2024/06/240606152231.htm

Fear of violence from the adults. Ironic in a thread about violent children really!

Because of the lack of boundaries.

I was born in the 70s and I am neurodivergent.

School was a horrible experience for me as I was bullied and even assaulted for being different/quiet/weird and I had issues with social clues and understanding people. I also did not know how to fight back so I was an easy target.

I also had parents who did not care about my physical and mental health and bullied me at home again because I was 'oversensitive' and quiet.

I spent most of that time withdrawing into myself and alone in my room.

So yes people like me were definitely around in the 70s and 80s and because of the lack of awareness of these conditions we were often treated appallingly.

Some probably also never made it into the school environment because of their disability, mental health issues or personality disorders and were either kept at home or in specialist institutions.

I am so glad that there is more understanding and awareness of neurodivergency these days and I truly hope that today's autistic children and teenagers have a better experience than I did.

Schools were set up differently for a start. Personal space that was just yours. In lines next to each other. None of this sitting around a table stuff

Physical punishment was the norm, at school and at home. Fear controls. Nobody gave a shit about how children felt as long as they conformed.

Kids were more likely to be stuck in remedial classes or stuck in asylums, hidden away.

Now, ND people are allowed lives and meet and breed like everyone else. What would you like done about that OP?

Again. Speculative and about your experience with your son’s school.

Do you not think that the three things I’ve listed are probably more likely the cause of behaviour.

Not all these children have a label, but their parents are desperately telling us we need to treat them as they do. I’ve seen these kids lunchbox’s and snacks. They tell me about their home life. They share a great deal in common with each other.

My son would still be autistic even if I smacked him every day. It isn't caused by bad parenting.

No they really aren't.
Sometimes I feel like there's so many ND people, but I think it's really just the people in my circle

I don't know what to think OP. The term is becoming meaningless as half of a class can be diagnosed.

On the other hand, I'm a normal-strict parent, not mean but I'm firm, no gentle parenting here and I restrict screens quite a lot. I allow TV but the kids aren't allowed to use personal screens like tablets (don't own one). We eat healthy etc. DC1 is well behaved and doing well, DC2 behaves quite poorly at school, isn't doing well, and has a lot of ADHD tendancies. The teacher suggested we have an assessment, along with a comment about how DC probably ended up like this due to tablet overuse - again, we don't own one. So that stuff is hardly the whole story.

Well op ...I'm sure lots of the very older generation probably agree with you .
It doesn't help that autism and ADHD are hidden conditions..and a lot of people who don't understand just think people should pull themselves together.
I was a child of 1970s ..I was quiet as a mouse ,a teachers dream
But that's because I wasn't able to speak to my peers or make friends or live a normal life ..took me untill I was 50 before I got diagnosed with autism and ADHD and properly medicated on ritalin
So many mistakes in a ruined life , because I didn't know what was wrong,and no one bothered to find out ,why I was trying to kill myself,and had eating disorders and was self harming.all kinds of mental health issues..that all got worse with out the correct help and diagnosis and finally medication.
Outwardly I look like I fit in ...but my doctors record's tell a different story
Someone who looks like they are functioning in society,can be having all kinds of problems that people don't see .
So many women my age are now seeking diagnosis, because for a long time autism was just seen as only affecting males ..
And even now the diagnostic criteria,there are a lot of questions that really are just aimed at males ..the current assessment criteria does not currently go far enough including females,and I believe a lot of females are still be dismissed and not diagnosed because of this male bias

That's not what I was saying and I certainly did not advocate violence against children so please don't infer I did.