Is everyone, everywhere ND - I seriously am confused.

Wow, only since the criteria started to recognise how it presents in women and girls.

Why did you push for a a diagnosis then?

Nah, I don't buy into this whole 'one diagnosed asd person is taking support away from another' stuff. It's simply not true.

I could also say you're triggered by the fact this person thinks her dd is autistic but you disagree, and you're clearly also taking it personally as you're here posting about her despite it being nothing to do with you.

Bad parenting would be if you DID smack him every day imo.

It is a myth that ADHD and autism are overdiagnosed. It actually appears to be mainly the opposite. It just feels like overdiagnosis because so many people have been diagnosed in the last few years. The government is currently conducting an independent review into ADHD and autism and this is from their most recent interim report:

“The available evidence suggests a more complex position than either simple over- or underdiagnosis. Even allowing for uncertainty in population prevalence, recorded administrative prevalence remains below epidemiological estimates, although the gap appears to be narrowing, particularly among females and young adults.”
government report here:

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/independent-review-into-mental-health-conditions-adhd-and-autism-interim-report/independent-review-into-mental-health-conditions-adhd-and-autism-interim-report

I’m glad to hear you don’t need ADHD meds. Perhaps you don’t have ADHD? Other issues can look like ADHD. Or perhaps you are in a particularly good place in your life that means that you can manage without.

As for your autistic friend. Perhaps he is now unmasking? Be glad that he is because the stress of masking causes many other problems - in my case, I have ended up with ME/CFs and am too ill to work.

Since be is is autistic, it is hardly surprising if his children are too.

Now that you have a more evidence-based picture on autism and ADHD not being overdiagnosed, can you not look at those of use with these diagnoses with a little more kindness and understanding? And pleas reflect on the fact that a diagnosis is bettter for the patient’s overall health (and the public purse) because they are less likely to end up with cormorbid illnesses or problems such as depression, T2 diabetes, drug or alcohol addiction, ME/CFS, prison time, domestic abuse etc etc.

Autism wasn’t a stand alone diagnosis in the DSM until 1980. Clearly no one could be diagnosed with it if it wasn’t in the list if potential diagnoses.

I was at school from 1979 and there were clearly kids with autism or ADHD regardless of whether they had a formal diagnosis or not.

I don't, and nor do several people I know who have been diagnosed with one or both. I'm happy your children are getting the help they need; however overdiagnosis is a real problem and is not helpful for the people being wrongly diagnosed.

Have they self diagnosed or being diagnosed by a professional?

He isn't autistic and never was. Masking cannot be used as an all-round get-out to justify every dubious diagnosis - that makes autism into an unfalsifiable concept that can never ever be challenged, even if someone had no symptoms for 35 years. We don't have to take every single diagnosis seriously. I mainly have compassion for his wife who now has to deal with a man who behaves like a fussy child when previously he behaved like a responsible grown-up. They have serious familial trauma which I won't go into here as it would be outing, and it looks much more like the multiple autism diagnoses are a way to deal with this trauma. Which works great for the family members who are diagnosed but puts unbelievable amounts of pressure on the mother, who is the main breadwinner and the one who has to act like an adult and take care of everyone.

No over diagnosis is not a problem. Quite the reverse, both are under diagnosed and the NHS ADHD taskforce recently highlighted how much under diagnosis and undertreatment is costing the uk-£17 billion a year!

Initial self-diagnosis and then diagnosis from a professional, in a country well-known for being extremely liberal and broad regarding autism diagnoses.

You aren’t qualified to comment on the diagnoses others have.

So there are various diagnostic instruments.

some children (typically those who would previously have been diagnosed with autism rather than Asperger’s) are typically diagnosed aged two or three and the most obvious characteristic is non verbal. There’s a big focus on spotting these children early because if the right interventions are got in place from toddlerhood many of them can develop verbal communication and social skills.

There are diagnostic criteria for autism - at this age though it is usually very apparent the child is not developing normally and it’s more a question of which diagnosis than do they need a diagnosis.

the sorts of interventions at toddler/preschool age are:

portage
https://www.portage.org.uk/about/what-portage

speech and language therapy (usually focusing on total communication approaches including Makaton and PECS)
https://www.integratedtreatmentservices.co.uk/our-approaches/speech-therapy-approaches/picture-exchange-communication-system-pecs/

aba (applied behavioural analysis) is generally not used any more as autistic people feel it is cruel and they’re probably right.
https://www.autismspeaks.org/applied-behavior-analysis

most of these approaches rely on the professionals teaching it to the parent as it needs to be consistent and pervasive to the environment to work.

With children older than this they’re usually verbal (although sometimes speaking in phrases from TV shows or similar and/or echoing others) and it’s a case of it’s picked up at school. Reception is often not too much of a problem - very eyfs and free flow, although for some autistic children the noise and general commotion is a problem, but year 1 is a big refferals year as school hits the point where more demands are made and many autistic children struggle to meet them.

so again, although there are diagnostic instruments and interviews etc if a six year old is self harming/violent towards others on the regular basis there is clearly something wrong and it’s a case of working out what it is.

Do you mean that your friend was wrongly diagnosed, or that he was diagnosed and you don't believe him - if it's the former I'd be interested to know how?

And you aren't qualified to comment on situations I, not you, have experienced.

Can you explain more about what the problem is and how you think it happens?
And what impact it has on your life? And also how many people do you know who have been wrongfully diagnosed?

I think you’ll find I am. Anybody is as nobody is qualified to comment on the diagnosis of others particularly if they haven’t sat through their diagnosis process, read the forms or been present at the meetings involving their diagnosis.

Oh what a false equivalence.
If you said you could diagnose heart disease and someone else said you couldn't because you're not a doctor, thats fact. That you have the experience of knowing the person who is ill and the other person doesn't, doesn't mean you are qualified. Arrogant tosh.

I think everyone confuses a diagnosis with a parent saying they have it. I will take a guess of children I believe have something and I can spot a child a mile off who is just a product of their family. They still need extra support but it does not mean they have anything.

It’s the reason EHCPs will be a thing of the past soon. It’s been overused. It’s a shame but no one wants to payout. It is far more important now to focus on the early years and support for children who have more severe needs who are being put into mainstream schools.

Bit difficult to do that without being very very outing. I'll try to be vague but still explain... The situation in question is very sad and to do with a familial trauma involving a child who developed a very serious psychiatric issue that I don't want to name but is clearly a form of psychosis. They were instead diagnosed as having autism/ADHD. I knew this child since their babyhood well up until 12 and their development was entirely normal and healthy. Two other family members deeply affected by the traumatic events were then diagnosed too, despite me knowing the family very well for 20+ years and never ever seeing autistic traits in those members. Last time I saw them they suddenly had these diagnoses and their personalities had changed. It was very upsetting and I feel as though it is impeding their ability to properly process grief and heal from the trauma as a family, whilst also cementing those 2 family members into false identities. It has created a false narrative about what caused the main traumatic event (autism! of course!) and has put a huge burden on the mother of the family.

I think this is you just projecting what you think autism is.
My son is very popular with lots of friends at school, he plays teams sports and has always had girlfriends but also very autistic.
What relevance do you think having her nails done is or wearing makeup has? DS also does a fair bit of shopping online, ok ticktock but still likes his things. I suspect I have autism and enjoy all of these things?
Good for your friend. If you hair and nails done is not part of assessment. Maybe if you had she said wore tracksuit trousers in 32 degrees of heat in Egypt or or has something about the sun or the cold or some other sort of sensory thing I could actually understand it.

I hope not.

My son manages well in mainstream but only with his EHCP. If he doesn't have his EHCP then he'd have to go a specialist school except you can't without an EHCP.

At one point there was a label of Aspergers applied to certain ND. I recall thinking it covered a milder version of full on ASD and Aspergers were more on the savant side of it, focused on things like computers, maths, lists, intricate construction of items, and so on, whereas the full on ASD had a more challenging diagnosis.

I don't mean to offend anyone by saying the above, it was just my perception at the time, and my nephew was initially given the Asperger's diagnosis, but is now ASD.

I realise that Aspergers is no longer used, due to its association with Hans Asperger and his Nazi eugenics connection, together with the merging of Aspergers into the broad spectrum of ASD.

But, all those things can be true at the same time. You can have psychosis, trauma, adhd and autism. My family has only just started talking about this. You are not the best person to detect autism if you have always known things to be the way they are. 20yrs ago we didn't measure autism in the same way or recognise it the way we do now.