The mum thinks I'm being petty, but I don't want to drive her kid

i dont think YABU to decline to give the 7 yr old a lift if you feel it creates an stressful and unsafe environment in your car whilst you are driving.
Why did the mum send both girls to their rooms after the last incident ,it was only the 7 yr old that misbehaved? Did you ask why at the time?
You could choose to say you will give the 7 yr old a second chance and give them a lift if the girl apologises to her sister and say that f she is unkind to anyone in your car again you will not give another chance.
Or just say no.

Could you say you will only drive the younger one if the mum is also in the car because you can’t drive safely without someone to mange her bad behaviour

If I were in your position, I'd stick to my guns.

Everytime the parent messages, I'd say the the same thing:
"The behaviour of your youngest child is despicable, she has no boundaries or rules and is spoilt, rude and nasty to her sister. Therefore she will not be travelling in my car. Unfortunately this behaviour means that she has ruined it for everybody."

Parents need to be called out on their darling, perfect childrens behaviour. Well done op x

I realise that, but for that mum, she wants the OP to take both her kids.

Thats why the OP could have avoided this by banning both kids - as said, they arent here responsibility. I dont think or agree that kindness has any bearing here.

Just my tuppence.

From a point of view of having been a child with an horrendous younger sibling, I know we both were punished for my brother's antics, I know we didn't get invites because of his antics and it got so I stopped asking for anything, became very self-reliant and never invited friends home. It was lovely to do anything without my brother involved, so I can see how the 7 year old hurts her older sister, it gets so you dread what next and tire of fighting the behaviour. I'd not punish the older girl for the younger behaviour and I bet she is glad of the respite from the 7 year old, I always was!

So the child was 6 when you stopped giving her lifts but is 7 now? I can't believe the mum has continued to ask for lifts for a whole year. She doesn't do respecting boundaries does she.

@ShutteredUp "It seems quite strange to me that you view the 14 year old as so totally at the mercy of a child 7 years younger. That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me."

It doesn't make sense to you that younger siblings can bully their older siblings, really? I've a similar age gap with my younger sibling and she made my childhood hell. That, together with the younger one in this case and in my own case being the golden child, it's a perfect recipe for making the older sibling's life hell. We're non-contact as adults, as of course she never grew out of her toxic behaviour .

I would pick her up, but I'd say confirm the rules beforehand and then kick them out/ return her home if she doesn't. I'd also then not take her again if she wasn't safe.

I agree with a previous poster that I would consider taking them if the 7 year old apologised sincerely to my face, but also to her sister in front of me. Then make it clear her behaviour was unacceptable and she has one chance to behave, otherwise that's the end of any lifts (for the younger one).

It’s a year later, she was 6,

You want some kind of giant public apology from a seven year old about teasing her sister a year ago?? She’s not even going to remember what she did or said!

Stick to your guns. Her transport issues aren't your problem.

"The mum thinks I have made my point and should stop being so petty"
Did she actually say that to you? I'd have ripped her face off!

No, you are not being petty. Not being given a lift is a direct consequence of her youngest daughter behaving abominably. If she wants other people to give them lifts, SHE needs to parent her youngest instead of manufacturing a fucking nightmare child. And yes, I would say that to her face!

@seahorsessky
Am waiting for the day when the 7yo causes a really serious scenario that parents can't bluff their way out of believe me, I was once told and it resonated
Little kid
Little problem
Big kid
Big problem

it seems like the mother is unable and or unwilling to manage her younger daughter's behaviour. I guess at least it would mean that there was an adult to be with the child when she gets thrown out of the car mid journey though.

It's a difficult one.

I think I agree with others that I would agree to only drive the 7 year old if the mother is there and sits in the back ensuring she behaves AND that she apologises to you. When she apologises, I would thank her and ask her to apologise to her sister for saying mean things to her.

Don't underestimate the quality of your role in the older ones life. You're probably the only person who stands up for her and she feels safe with.

I know on MN nobody is embarrassed and they also send their menfolk out to buy sanitary protection but in the real world life isn't quite like that. And yes, girls are embarrassed about wearing bras.

I'd take the older one OP but not the younger one. But if you don't want to take either child, that is also fine. Your car, your rules. The mother clearly needs to learn that actions have consequences. A child might kick off with their own parents, but in my experience they usually behave pretty well with other adults (excluding some teachers) so if they don't, that is quite illuminating.

God almighty, I pity the existence of a woman who thinks that asking her male partner to buy her a box of tampons is some out-of-this-world act of selflessness.

Cheeky cow. I dont drive (by choice) but I wouldnt make that someone else's problem.

No if I was you I would stick to my agreement. The older child was probably so thankful for you sticking up for her she will remember by that! By not taking the younger child it shows your integrity and morals. By continuing to not take the younger one it shows your serious and not excepting the little ones behaviour. That poor older child!

I would tell your friend, driving with that kinda behaviour is dangerous.

Id maybe give the little one a lift if you're also giving the mum one. But goibg forward no unsupervised ones

WTF! Why was the elder one sent to her room?

Older sister lifts one would be something I could happily live with.

I bet i can guess out of the two sisters who is going to be expected to do the elderly care when this inadequate parent gets older and it wont be the younger one. The older girl will be carrying a lot of resentment right into adult life.

Maybe it's time that mother or her husband learned to drive, or got their own car if they already have a license. Why do they keep using you for lifts? Sounds like they use you as a taxi service.

This.

I think the other mother is largely the one at fault here, as opposed to the seven year old.
She even seems to have failed to accept your view (which should have been final) and is arguing about the 7 year old’s behaviour as if she has some sort of right to the lift.