The mum thinks I'm being petty, but I don't want to drive her kid

Dreamerinme · 12/09/2026 10:16

The 7yo sounds awful, thanks to her DM’s lax parenting. I’d say you’re already giving someone else a lift so perhaps see you there later on - and you’re not going home straight away afterwards so you can’t do the return journey either.

Tink3rbell30 · 12/09/2026 10:20

You're in the right. I would just take the older one.

RosaNovella · 12/09/2026 10:20

Stand by your decision
Parent sounds awful as does the child, but not her fault obviously

It will just carry on and on if you dontxstand firm

" Xs behaviour is making it unsafe when Im driving, No"
Then a firm No that doesnt work for me if she carries on

Thundertoast · 12/09/2026 10:22

Given the 7 year old sounds massive spoilt and indulged by her parents, it wont hurt her to not get what she wants for once. Stick to your guns.
Also, sounds like she cant be trusted to not cause a massive distraction while you are driving and is therefore a safety risk to you and your children. Thats what id be saying to the mum.
If there are no consequences, neither she or her mum will ever learn. She is not a child living in an abusive home environment with no joy, which would make me more sympathetic. She will survive not being able to go just fine.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 12/09/2026 10:23

Her boldfaced attitude by hassling you to change your mind fits with her shit parenting style. I'd be too embarrassed to ask you anything ever again if my child had behaved so badly. Stop talking to her, she's awful.

ShutteredUp · 12/09/2026 10:24

It seems quite strange to me that you view the 14 year old as so totally at the mercy of a child 7 years younger. That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

You’re taking this awfully personally, too. Is it reminding you of something in your own life?

I mean, a year of refusing to give the 7 year old lifts because of her teasing her sister once seems quite extreme to me, but maybe it’s more that you don’t want to be their default lift giver, anyway? I don’t blame you. As a non-driver myself, I get myself and my child to places via public transport or taxis and refuse invitations etc if that’s not possible, and it’s quite entitled of the other mother to expect lifts a lot, regardless of the 7 year old. Maybe just stop giving them lifts altogether?

ThisWiseRobin · 12/09/2026 10:30

I would continue to give the older one lifts, but as a PP said, the younger one is a distraction when you driving and so NO.
The older one sounds like she needs a sympathetic adult. You sound like a safe pair of hands.

bababamama · 12/09/2026 10:31

If a passage of time has passed i would offer just this once and see how it is, a year is a long time when so young , she may have grown up a bit

poetryandwine · 12/09/2026 10:33

It’s been a year, OP, and the child is seven or perhaps eight by now.

I think not driving her for a year was fine; she needed a serious consequence. However banning her indefinitely is denying the possibility that her behaviour can improve. That’s really sad.

I would tell the mum and girl that I would be willing to give it one try, but this is an experiment. If the girl is not on her best behaviour in my car it will be another year before I let her in it again. I would remind them that I’ve done this once, I can do it again.

Good luck with this.

Gizlotsmum · 12/09/2026 10:40

I would maybe do this trip but make it very clear that if the younger one is badly behaved you will not do it again. Tell the younger child this too and what your expectations for behaviour are at the start

Crispsandcola · 12/09/2026 10:41

Definitely stand your ground. The Mum probably needs some family therapy and parenting classes. I had a friend like this and it didn't turn out well for the younger child when they became a teenager.

PinkPanther50 · 12/09/2026 10:42

Say you can take the 14yo but can only take the 7yo if her mum goes too. That way if anything happens the mum is there to be responsible for the 7yo

PollyBell · 12/09/2026 10:45

She can't parent and it putting it on to you i am not sure how you can stay friends

NDfan · 12/09/2026 10:47

I would stand your ground - not just for your own safety and sanity, but because it shows the 14 year old that she has at least one person on her side. How must that poor girl feel when her own parents, especially her mother, are so unsupportive.

HappyOctober · 12/09/2026 10:49

poetryandwine · 12/09/2026 10:33

It’s been a year, OP, and the child is seven or perhaps eight by now.

I think not driving her for a year was fine; she needed a serious consequence. However banning her indefinitely is denying the possibility that her behaviour can improve. That’s really sad.

I would tell the mum and girl that I would be willing to give it one try, but this is an experiment. If the girl is not on her best behaviour in my car it will be another year before I let her in it again. I would remind them that I’ve done this once, I can do it again.

Good luck with this.

This is good advice, I really feel for the older daughter 😢. I think giving a chance to change is a good idea but I would make it crystal clear the older daughter is welcome with you (and at your house) but due to the situation being dangerous when dealing with the younger daughter you will take her this once as long as you have a guarantee that won’t happen…. 🫤

Dracolina · 12/09/2026 10:49

AvacadoChic · 12/09/2026 10:12

I have a friend with two daughters. One is 14 and the other is 7. The 7 year old took a long time to conceive and the mum was delighted when she was finally pregnant, as a result the girl is very doted on. The 14 year old is treated more like a nusiance and in my opinion, the 7 year old is allowed to be quite unkind to her.

The 7 year old doesn't follow rules and has been banned from my house in the past for things like taking my make up and using it to paint my son's wall and mirror while the adults were downstairs. The mum has always been strict with the older child, but not at all with the younger one. The mum did clean up the mess, but the child wasn't at all bothered.

About a year ago I was giving them both a lift along with my own kids and the 7 year old started laughing at the 14 year old for wearing a bra, and the older girl became really embarrassed and uncomfortable. I kept telling the younger one to stop, but that made her say it even more and louder. I told her to stop shouting while I'm driving but she just continued. If she had have been older, I'd have kicked her out of the car, but I couldn't, so I continued to drive her home. By the end of the journey, I was so angry as she had humiliated her sister in front of her friends and laughed at my attempts at discipline. At one point in the journey, I said that if she doesn't stop now, she is never getting in my car again, which was a bit over the top, but I had run out of anything else to say. But anyway, that did nothing.

When I dropped them off, I told the mum, who later text me to say she had sent both girls to their rooms and that she is very sorry. The family don't have a car and I have continued to offer the older girl lifts but have refused to drive the younger one. The mum thinks I have made my point and should stop being so petty, but I think that the child is no better behaved now and if I back down on this, then she knows that she can behave however she likes with me.

This evening there is an event which my and her children are going to. The mum has again asked for a lift and it will be difficult for them to get there without someone driving them. It wouldn't be much out of my way to take them, but I don't want to back down on this. If another parent pickes them up, it will be more of a hassle than if I did it because we live so close together, but I don't want to be the kind of person who says one thing and then does another when people put pressure on me. AIBU?

I would absolutely not be driving the brat anywhere, at any time. I'm not her mum, I don't have to endure her if I don't want to.

C152 · 12/09/2026 10:52

YANBU OP. Don't drive the 7yr old. I would keep driving the older sister, so she knows someone is on her side.

I think the people suggesting the 7yr old has changed possibly haven't met this type of kid before. If they've been indulged/not disciplined since birth, their parents aren't suddenly going to have changed their parenting style. And the child won't become better behaved just because they are older.

Notsosweetcaroline · 12/09/2026 10:53

Yes it was an episode of bad behaviour between sisters and the little one didn’t heed you. Shitty but it happens. Kids can be awful

I think a year is enough to make your point. Either end the friendship or move on and be the grown up here.

CinnamonBuns67 · 12/09/2026 10:53

I wouldn't drive her either, not your problem they can't get places without someone else driving them. Yanbu.

ShodAndShadySenators · 12/09/2026 10:57

Hasn't the mother heard of taxis? I don't drive so if I needed to get my kid somewhere, I book a cab.

With a child who blatantly ignores me when I'm giving them instructions, I wouldn't do anything with that kid again. Disobedience is insufferable and I wouldn't tolerate it in my own kid or expect anyone else to put up with him if he was being like that. So tiresome.

If you're not going to parent your child adequately, expect the consequences of other parents being unwilling to help you out with them.

SukiPook · 12/09/2026 10:59

poetryandwine · 12/09/2026 10:33

It’s been a year, OP, and the child is seven or perhaps eight by now.

I think not driving her for a year was fine; she needed a serious consequence. However banning her indefinitely is denying the possibility that her behaviour can improve. That’s really sad.

I would tell the mum and girl that I would be willing to give it one try, but this is an experiment. If the girl is not on her best behaviour in my car it will be another year before I let her in it again. I would remind them that I’ve done this once, I can do it again.

Good luck with this.

I agree with this

disturbia · 12/09/2026 10:59

I would sit with 7 yr old and Mum the day before and explain you will give them a lift but she must behave in the car no shouting etc. How have they been getting around during the past year? Or you could tell mum to get an Uber.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 12/09/2026 11:01

I learnt long ago not to threaten to do something and then roll over. You said no, no, it is. Your car, your rules, and my DH regularly say 'another one on the list of that's not my problem!' Mum of the 7 year old has the issue, she needs to deal with it.

Original poster

AvacadoChic · 12/09/2026 11:02

ShutteredUp · 12/09/2026 10:24

It seems quite strange to me that you view the 14 year old as so totally at the mercy of a child 7 years younger. That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

You’re taking this awfully personally, too. Is it reminding you of something in your own life?

I mean, a year of refusing to give the 7 year old lifts because of her teasing her sister once seems quite extreme to me, but maybe it’s more that you don’t want to be their default lift giver, anyway? I don’t blame you. As a non-driver myself, I get myself and my child to places via public transport or taxis and refuse invitations etc if that’s not possible, and it’s quite entitled of the other mother to expect lifts a lot, regardless of the 7 year old. Maybe just stop giving them lifts altogether?

Edited

She wasn't teasing her, that implies that is was in some way fun. And it wasn't once, as I said before, she is quite unkind to her sister. I think she is largely at the mercy of her sister. When they were little, the older child had to give in to the younger child because she's only a baby/toddler/much younger, but it's ended up meaning that the family have gotten into the habit of the older child always giving in and letting the younger child get her way. The younger one has a much stronger personality than the older one, so it's easier for the family to tell the older one to back down than face a battle with the younger one.

I wouldn't say I'm taking it personally, but it's horrible watching anyone being humiliated, let alone a child. I don't mind giving her or anyone a lift, even if they could drive, I think it's nice to lift share.

OP posts:

Mustreadabook · 12/09/2026 11:03

I think a year is long enough to stick to it. Tell her you will give one more chance after a year to see if the child has changed, and if she has not she won't get any lifts this year either.