Page 10 | AIBU to feel unfairly ostracised after a joke at the sports club?

Sasco86 · 2026-09-08T22:39:05+00:00

So a few weeks ago, there was what I perceived as a jokey conversation going on and another mum said her stepson was as gay as they come. I jokingly said that she wouldn’t be getting any grandchildren from him any time soon then. To me, i was just joining in on the jokey conversation and that’s all it was. I have now been ostracised and reported to the safeguarding lead officer at the sports club this happened at. People who were my friends have taken her side because she’s made it far more of a thing than it was and my children have even been told things that are far from true. I almost feel that this person is now trying to bully us out of the club. Adult bullying is by far the most horrible situation I’ve ever experienced.

SamTR1 · 09/09/2026 18:20

FriendlyMedusa · 09/09/2026 12:07

it's a bit odd for someone to rave about how gay their child is - I suspect she is actually not ok with it
Holy projection, batman. I think it's quite normal for a parent to openly state a simple fact. It's not a shameful secret.

People are so woke now
I jolly well hope so.

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The response was also a simple fact.

So many people have turned into pathetically insufferable individuals in recent times. I give them a wide berth and leave them to their dull lives.

helpfulperson · 09/09/2026 18:32

throwaway3749574 · 08/09/2026 23:46

I feel like I’m in a parallel universe. Are we pretending it’s not less likely for a male gay couple to have children than a hetero couple? Of course they can adopt or use a surrogate but I think also more male gay couples choose to stay childless than hetero couples. Surely. I don’t think it was a ridiculous thing to say at all. A little outdated perhaps but not ridiculous.

I agree this with this.

FriendlyMedusa · 09/09/2026 18:48

SamTR1 · 09/09/2026 18:20

The response was also a simple fact.

So many people have turned into pathetically insufferable individuals in recent times. I give them a wide berth and leave them to their dull lives.

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I give them a wide berth
And yet here you are attempting to engage with me.

For the record I have been insufferable far longer than is covered by "recent times" xx

whistlesandbells · 09/09/2026 18:58

This is the second post I have seen where the club has a safeguarding person. Is this honestly true?

Allergictoironing · 09/09/2026 19:42

allthiscarryon · 09/09/2026 11:35

Given that safeguarding at the Sports club are involved I suspect there’s more to it.
I’m safeguarding at a club and would have told anyone bringing this exact thing to my attention that it wasn’t anything to do with safeguarding.

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This is now very dependant on the opinions and thought processes of person in charge of safeguarding. Some may only act if they have things like sexual abuse shoved under their noses preferably with recordings and photos. Some try to investigate as fully as they feel depending on what they find out. Some allow their own conscious or unconscious biases to affect their decisions e.g. they may be racist so always support the white person, or sexist & will always give a man the benefit of the doubt.

And some have drunk so very much of the Kool Aid that anything that anyone at all says they found offensive is a terrible crime deserving of hanging no matter what was said/done or the circumstances.

allthiscarryon · 09/09/2026 19:45

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 09/09/2026 11:39

As the mother of a gay son it is something that i feel sad about. He was somebody who always wanted kids. I know he can have them but it will either require surrogacy or adoption. Both not very straightforward. You may just have struck a nerve with this person.
However i do think they are over reacting.

I have lots of gay male friends who have donated to lesbian friends and are co-parenting ,or donated and have a relationship with the child. So there’s that.

PrestonHood121 · 09/09/2026 20:16

It's true. Its not like you can just snap your fingers to adopt a kid, or agree to traffic a baby, sorry use a surrogate, and a kid appears. She won't be a grandparent anytime soon, and she has a right to be upset. But safeguarding? ffs.

EvieBB · 09/09/2026 20:19

murasaki · 08/09/2026 23:43

You do know gay people can have kids, right? You came over as homophobic, I'm not surprised she's avoiding you. The safe guarding thing seems OTT, unless you're in a supervisory role, in which case you might be coaching gay people and it's right to alert the lead about what you said.

It was a joke! The other mums being a drama queen

SamTR1 · 09/09/2026 20:23

FriendlyMedusa · 09/09/2026 18:48

I give them a wide berth
And yet here you are attempting to engage with me.

For the record I have been insufferable far longer than is covered by "recent times" xx

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What do you gain from being permanently offended? Is it a misguided sense of moral superiority?

It’s a genuine question as I simply can’t see the appeal.

Grumpyoldcat · 09/09/2026 20:39

Why is it a safeguarding issue? Sounds toxic. Join another club.

FriendlyMedusa · 09/09/2026 21:20

SamTR1 · 09/09/2026 20:23

What do you gain from being permanently offended? Is it a misguided sense of moral superiority?

It’s a genuine question as I simply can’t see the appeal.

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Do you not see the irony in being offended that I am offended?

There's no discussion to be had with someone who thinks having moral standards different to their own must be performative. It's a problem of empathy.

RobertaFirmino · 09/09/2026 21:36

It's offensive in two ways.

Firstly, as already discussed, gay men can be parents.

Secondly, you made an assumption that she would be desperate for grandchildren, no doubt because she is a woman at a particular time of life. Not all women are salivating over the thought of replicants.

Original poster

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 22:06

On a few occasions she had said things about the step-son who is late teens/early twenties. I’m almost certain on previous occasions she had said that none of the kids were ready to make her a grandma. I explained to the safeguarding person that I was mortified to have caused offence as that was never the intention of the comment and I have tried apologising. She is loud at loves attention. During apologising, she said well everyone’s fed up with you and your kids because they think they’re better than everyone and that she could say racially motivated things about my kids but hasn’t! Inferring that she had thought them or even said them to other people when I wasn’t there 🤔

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Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 23:09

RobertaFirmino · 09/09/2026 21:36

It's offensive in two ways.

Firstly, as already discussed, gay men can be parents.

Secondly, you made an assumption that she would be desperate for grandchildren, no doubt because she is a woman at a particular time of life. Not all women are salivating over the thought of replicants.

I still don't see how her stepson having kids ( if he did) would make her a grandmother

ProfMummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 09/09/2026 23:32

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 22:06

On a few occasions she had said things about the step-son who is late teens/early twenties. I’m almost certain on previous occasions she had said that none of the kids were ready to make her a grandma. I explained to the safeguarding person that I was mortified to have caused offence as that was never the intention of the comment and I have tried apologising. She is loud at loves attention. During apologising, she said well everyone’s fed up with you and your kids because they think they’re better than everyone and that she could say racially motivated things about my kids but hasn’t! Inferring that she had thought them or even said them to other people when I wasn’t there 🤔

Ah well there you go, I did think for some reason the woman doesn't like you and she doesn't! So she's leapt on this chance to get you ostracised. Although it does sound like it's more like she doesn't like your kids??

By any chance at this sports club, do your kids play a sport with her, and also by any chance do they play it better than her???

Original poster

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:36

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 23:09

I still don't see how her stepson having kids ( if he did) would make her a grandmother

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She sees him as part of her family. My stepdad is my kids grandad in all sense of the word and sees them as his grandchildren

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Original poster

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:40

ProfMummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 09/09/2026 23:32

Ah well there you go, I did think for some reason the woman doesn't like you and she doesn't! So she's leapt on this chance to get you ostracised. Although it does sound like it's more like she doesn't like your kids??

By any chance at this sports club, do your kids play a sport with her, and also by any chance do they play it better than her???

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I think that she doesn’t like that my kids are successful. They don’t play with her but one does with her husband and he actually thinks a lot of my son. I feel like she has felt that she has to compete for friendship from certain people and she’s made this whole thing about her. I actually asked her why she went straight to the safeguarding person, when it isn’t a safeguarding concern, rather than coming directly to me and saying that what I’d said she found offensive and I could have apologised on the spot. Instead she decided she wanted to make it something much bigger

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murasaki · 09/09/2026 23:46

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:40

I think that she doesn’t like that my kids are successful. They don’t play with her but one does with her husband and he actually thinks a lot of my son. I feel like she has felt that she has to compete for friendship from certain people and she’s made this whole thing about her. I actually asked her why she went straight to the safeguarding person, when it isn’t a safeguarding concern, rather than coming directly to me and saying that what I’d said she found offensive and I could have apologised on the spot. Instead she decided she wanted to make it something much bigger

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Did she say why she did that?

Original poster

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:47

RobertaFirmino · 09/09/2026 21:36

It's offensive in two ways.

Firstly, as already discussed, gay men can be parents.

Secondly, you made an assumption that she would be desperate for grandchildren, no doubt because she is a woman at a particular time of life. Not all women are salivating over the thought of replicants.

I have gay friends who adopted 2 children a few years ago, so i know it’s possible. It was more a comment based on things she’d said. She was holding another baby and saying that she can’t wait to be a nanna. I said well I don’t think it will happen soon. She had openly said that neither of the girls were settled and had made a big thing about the boy being gay. She has actually taken it out of context because it wasn’t just directed about the boy. But that’s how she’s seen it and made it sound.

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DooDallyHallie · 09/09/2026 23:48

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:40

I think that she doesn’t like that my kids are successful. They don’t play with her but one does with her husband and he actually thinks a lot of my son. I feel like she has felt that she has to compete for friendship from certain people and she’s made this whole thing about her. I actually asked her why she went straight to the safeguarding person, when it isn’t a safeguarding concern, rather than coming directly to me and saying that what I’d said she found offensive and I could have apologised on the spot. Instead she decided she wanted to make it something much bigger

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She went to rhe safeguarding officer because that's what they are there for, you donut! How is making homophobic jokes not a safeguarding issue?

Original poster

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:54

DooDallyHallie · 09/09/2026 23:48

She went to rhe safeguarding officer because that's what they are there for, you donut! How is making homophobic jokes not a safeguarding issue?

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That is an assumption. She went to her friend who is safeguarding officer. Who, fully understood that there was no malicious intentions and fully supported me when I went to her and said this has got out of hand and now things are being said by other children to my children that aren’t true about that and other things regarding my eldest. She said it was no business of the kids and that the allegations had been debunked

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DooDallyHallie · 10/09/2026 00:00

Homophobic talk is a wider issue than just your family. There will almost certainly be sine gay youngsters there
IF she feels your comments were homophobic she was absolutely right ti report it.

Papster · 10/09/2026 00:07

She said it to provoke a response
She didn’t like the one she got

Original poster

Sasco86 · 10/09/2026 00:07

DooDallyHallie · 10/09/2026 00:00

Homophobic talk is a wider issue than just your family. There will almost certainly be sine gay youngsters there
IF she feels your comments were homophobic she was absolutely right ti report it.

But it wasn’t meant that way and the bigger issue is that I have apologised and she pretty much turned it on my children’s race. If she had said something like i’d hate to deal with your daughter’s hair every morning, there’s no way I’d have run off to report her for racism!

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EvieBB · 10/09/2026 00:52

RobertaFirmino · 09/09/2026 21:36

It's offensive in two ways.

Firstly, as already discussed, gay men can be parents.

Secondly, you made an assumption that she would be desperate for grandchildren, no doubt because she is a woman at a particular time of life. Not all women are salivating over the thought of replicants.

The crux of issue is that it was said I jest but the mum decided to make a huge issue about it which was unfair imo......I guess (like many of these threads) you probably had to be there to witness the conversation to make a fully informed decision as to whether it was unreasonable or not.