AIBU to feel I have left it too late to drive?

Never too late! One of my friends has just passed their test at 47 after years of on and off lessons, they were a super anxious learner but love driving now. My partner also works with a lady who passed first time at 58!

I hadn't learnt to drive when I was younger. I made a short attempt to learn in London but I was too scared and didn't get very far.

I moved slightly out of London about a year ago and had another try. I passed my test recently and have driven a few times independently now. Some just locally by myself some further afield with my husband in the car.

If you ate finding it intimidating in London is there any way you could take a train to slightly more outskirts areas to learn and build up confidence.

Soon just saw your update you covered the refresher lessons.
If you’ve already driven with DH in the car. This means you are insured so I’m guessing your driving license is valid in the UK.
Sunday mornings are the best for practice. Maybe ask DH to drive you somewhere quiet then you go on your own for some practice and come back to pick him up.
Set yourself a daily driving schedule and stick to it. Even 15 minutes at a time counts.

You just need to get going! If you passed the text when you were young it will soon come back. 54321 go!

Do you get physical symptoms such as palpitations? If so maybe a beta blocker could help. You could take one 30 mins before and it might help. Even with a placebo effect.

People are trying to help but I am not sure you are listening to anyone here!!

I was 47, never ever wanted to drive. 6yrs on and I still get annoyed at myself for not doing it in my teens. Love love love it, the freedom to go where I want is just amazing

My friends mum passed in her 60s, same story.
You can do it. But it probably doesn't feel effortless for a while.
I've been driving for over 30 years but occasionally I still find it hard e.g. night drove 250 miles recently.
Town driving can be stressful. Kids can be stressful. Get lots of practice, ideally on your own. Give it a year.

Exposure to this will help. Start driving at times where there is minimal traffic on straightaways and work your way up from there. Also look at help with your anxiety.

As someone who had a break from driving when I moved here, it's doable - you already know how to drive. I did find getting my license helped a lot with the anxiety.

The only way to get over this is to do it. Is there somewhere nearby that you could drive to every day, park and drive home? Pick a journey you know well. Once you are confident with that, pick another journey and practise that one. Choose places like to supermarket that you will have to go, so that at least you know you can get to the important places.

I didn't learn to drive until my mid-forties and was hugely anxious, mainly about other cars, but the only thing that has made me confident is just doing it. I'm still cautious to some extent but I'm a good driver now.

And get a refresher course of lessons and get your instructor to take you on the journeys you will actually need.

Well take another 10 lessons - it will improve your confidence and on top of that go out once or twice a week with your DH. After that I'm sure that you will have more confidence to go out on your own. It takes some of us a lot longer to be comfortable driving compared to others. I didn't actually learn to drive until I was 40 and always hated it. I am now in perimenopause and my anxiety around driving is through the roof. I'm sure that if I had just driven more in the last 10 years it wouldn't be as bad as it is now, there is at least one day a week when I just cannot get in the car and drive to work and back and I have to take a taxi - it is costing me a fortune. Do not be like me!

I think you need to find an instructor. Have an assessment and start from the very beginning.

I'm not familiar with the way car driving instructors work as I'm involved training drivers of larger vehicles. With coaches we tend to find it takes longer to rehabilitate a driver who has a licence but hasn't driven for many years. So, a brand new driver we'd assign 4 days training before test and that gives a good pass rate. The absolute minimum for returners is 5 but often ends up being 7 or 8. Clearly there's no test but they get assessed by a second instructor. The accident rate is slightly higher for returning drivers in the first year compared to new pass.

I suppose the other thing to think about is that London is pretty much the worst place to drive anywhere. With the possible exception of Rome. I've driven all over Europe, quite literally, over 30 years. I'm not saying I wont drive in London but I always avoid it if I can. It's just unpleasant.

You are never too late. My mum's elderly neighbour took refresher lessons when she was in her 80s (this was early 2000s) after her DH died. She had about 4 months of refresher lessons as although she could drive her DH used to do all the driving and had done all their married life. She did the lessons in her own car so she learnt to drive and park it confidently.

Find a good instructor and if possible have the lessons in your car.

I passed about 2 decades before having my own car etc. I did normal lessons again (just a few to freshen up) and then Passplus and a motorway driving lesson (with the AA). I still wasn’t very confident driving alone, so I joined IAM (Institute of Advanced Motorists).I would really recommend them. It’s a small yearly fee and you get to go out with an experienced expert driver and get improvement tips etc. You might even find a member through them who would be happy to do longer drives with you on occasion for an arrangement.
I was a nervous driver before, (because I was not very good at driving and knew it!). Now I am confident at driving. How I see it is that the more skills I have at driving the better. Maybe I will save myself or others an accident if I am safer. I would really encourage you to invest in your learning. It’s great to get into my car and not feel worried or anxious, and the freedom and practical help it gives is wonderful 💖

www.iamroadsmart.com/

You CAN DO IT!!
I passed my driving test at 37 .I started at 19 but lots of thibgs got in the way kids, life, money etc but also some major anxiety after bad experiences over the yrs with certain instructors including physically waking up sobbing before lessons.
I actually passed my theory 3 times but they 'ran out' so had to be resat. I found a lovely instructor a friend suggested and lessons went great and passed on first go.
I do drive everyday (foster carer so usually have kids with me) but I'm not the most confident driver but I manage well. Parking in unknown areas is one of my worries but I try and find the smoothest place even if I have to walk a bit further .
I got annoyed with myself that it took me so long. When working it was a nearly 2 hrs by buses (2 different companies - lucky to get dropped off part of the journey) by car it was 20 mins! My friends mam, started to learn and past just after her 60th birthday!
Go for it , good luck x

Passed 5th attempt at 35! (It was first attempt with a new instructor who was much better) I now live out of London and am very grateful I had already learned

Ahhh! Yes me too. Are you neurodivergent? I put it down to poor proprioception, slow processing speed, cognitive inflexibility and poor working memory. (All features of neurodivergence). I’m sure you can get over this though but it will take a lot of practice. DB is ND and hates driving but does it when necessary and is a good driver. I took absolutely ages to learn and passed my test but can no longer face driving due to the issues you mention

i agree with PPs that you would progress much more quickly with an automatic although I appreciate that you don’t want to change your car. .

I passed 2 years ago at 41. I don't need to drive daily but being able to take my child somewhere is great. The freedom and not relying on my partner is really great. I'm still not great with long journeys or going places I don't know and I'm anxious before those journeys but totally fine when actually driving. Keep going. It sounds like you already have the foundations of driving, you just need to practice and build your confidence. Good luck.

I think we all get more anxious as we get older, and learning new skills gets much harder with age. It is possible if you are determined, but it might take quite a bit of patient and regular practice.

You just have to drive until you're comfortable. That's the only way.

Don't wait until you need to go somewhere, go out even if it's for 10 minutes. I used to drive to the gym even though it was walking distance.

I did 2 tests at 20. failed, I wasn't interested in learning and the driving school (big well known) you had 6 lessons were put in for your test. Instructor was really angry, but I lived in London,it didn't matter. Then kids, mortgage,work,no spare money. I cycled. Late DM used to say when she won the Football Pool s she would pay for my driving lessons. It was a family joke. She actually got an inheritance, gave me the lessons for my 30th Birthday. Passed quickly. I have been in 3 entrapments, none were my fault,ex h had lost his job, I worked in a rural hospital,car was on finance, although it was totalledhad to be paid for. I signed up to The Institute of Advanced Motorist. Passed the Advanced test with a Police Examiner. I explained to them, I was terrified of cars. After the last accident, I couldn't even cross the road. The gave me back my confidence.Went out with DH on Monday it appeared he was the only person with indicators!

OMG OP, I’m in exactly the same boat as you - even down to passing my test when I was in my early 20s, moving to London and never driving again! I’ve lost my driving license now too LOL.

Following the thread for all the advice, hopefully! Solidarity with you x

I passed my test in my late teens then moved to London so never had to drive. Moved when I was 28 out of London for a job I had to drive for. I had a full set of refresher lessons, maybe 20 hours or more. It was expensive but it really helped. Even then I wasn't fully comfortable driving until I had been doing so regularly for about a year. I have only just started parallel parking in the last year or so because I have car with all the sensors and cameras, before I avoided it like the plague (I'm 37 now)

take some refresher lessons with an instructor who specialises in nervous drivers.

As PP have said, it will get so much easier with practise.

Just keep reminding yourself of the freedom it will give you

I got my licence at 37 and have been driving for ten years. My friends mother got her license at 60! Completely changed her life. You won't know yourself. You can do it!