To think in life being a nice, good person rarely counts for much?

What does your kids not getting selected for a sports team have to do with being good kind etc etc?

Or have you already written off the kids that clearly are better at the sport than your kids @Autumncalm as unkind and bad people ?

Yep, the same for me where friends were concerned; I was the reliable, caring friend, got walked all over, taken for granted, etc. In my 50s I started putting myself first ( thanks menopause!) and when I stopped being the first to message/call/ check in on these "friends" ( you've guessed it!) they didn't bother. One messaged reproachfully "I've not been well you know!" Yes, I was aware, but after doing all the chasing, and having health issues myself, I ran out of empathy. Same with family members who used me, wanted me when they had problems, and weren't seen for dust otherwise.

I still make an effort for friends who are there for me, but don't let people walk all over me any more.

Shocking how many of these nice kind posters have cruella de vile type “friends” and family

Well it would be odd for a manager of competitive sport not to eant the best players

And I am the world's worse sport person and have interest in anything physical bit of i was asked to pick players to play way with in competition I wpuld pick the best too

If the competition was pick the nicest, friendliest, best looking, happiest,, best sense of humour i would pick within that

But as a parent I teach do the rigjt thing because it ia the right thing and lead by example not what is popular and they do, other peoples opinions if you do the right thing is not your business

I've come to the same conclusion recently OP. I have been taken of advantage of personally and professionally many times because I'm nice, I mean, it sometimes works in my favour, but usually it tends to be those who are assertive (sometimes aggressively so) who get the best lives.

I dont get this either - why are all these self labelled "nice" people choosing to be friends with nasty, selfish bitches?

Its really strange....

But there’s nothing to stop you being ‘nice’ and assertive.

Yes, which brings us back to people-pleasers running around doing things for people they neither like nor respect, because they’re afraid to say no. Which is neither ‘kind’ nor ‘nice’. It’s fear-driven.

"If you are known for being unpleasant, people don't do you favours, include you in things, spend time with you."

So clearly not true. Plenty of nasty people are really popular. Their friends complain about them sometimes, but if they're fun and interesting they will always have people around them.

Well yes, because someone who is "nice" but is as dull as dishwater and as interesting as watching paint dry isnt much fun to be around as a friend are they?

I wouldnt date a man simply because he was "nice"- for example. He would have to have far more to his character than that.

You can help support good behaviour by your actions, especially to those near and dear to you.

Exactly. This is OP's point.
Being nice doesn't get you anywhere.
We should do it anyway, but there is no reward, at least not in this life.

"why are all these self labelled "nice" people choosing to be friends with nasty, selfish bitches?"

1. They are weak and targeted by the nasty people
2. They don't like the nastiness, but they like the drama created by the nasties
3. They are secretly nasty themselves and enjoy listening to the nasty friend slag off mutual friends even if they don't appear to take part themselves.

Urgh, nooooo, I never want to be "nice" - "nice" is awful

Nice is bland, simpering and a doormat.

It's far better and healthier to be kind, authentic and assert appropriate boundaries. There is nothing healthy to be found in "nice"

Then perhaps they arent quite as saintly as they imagine themselves to be eh?

For the purpose of my comments on this thread, I'm using nice to mean the same thing as kind.

Well the ones under point 1 are weak rather than vicarious enjoyers of nastiness/drama.

Then why cant you be kind and also assertive?

Well yes because nasty people are often popular!
Either genuinely popular because they're fun or they have people who are afraid to stand up to them.

Yes this is exactly my point.

All these self appointed nice/kind people calling other people "bitches"

The irony.

Did you mean to quote somebody else?

If you have a group of people that all get along and like each other and one person on the periphery that noone in the group likes or gets on with, I can guarantee you that its not because that person is "too kind".

No, it won't be because the person is too kind, but the least popular person can be a kind person. They may be shier and quieter than the others, for example.