To think in life being a nice, good person rarely counts for much?

‘I’ve noticed in life that being nice, helpful, honest, reliable, trustworthy rarely count for much.
’
I am these things, and have kids, and work and volunteer, and help friends/neighbours/ strangers when I can and if I can.

and I am surrounded by lovely people, who are similar and go out of the way to return favours. The occasional arsehole that everyone comes across - just tune them out. I know their unkindness is a result of their unhappiness or problems. Their insecurities.
I give them little of my time and energy.
Without sound like too much of a hippy about it - you get back from the universe and people what you put in.

I’ve noticed in life that being nice, helpful, honest, reliable, trustworthy rarely count for much.

well at the ripe old age of 46 it seems to have served me well. I have a wonderful group of close girlfriends who I trust and love, and absolutely don’t feel as though I have been shat on or treated badly in life

Those “arseholes” probably regard themselves as being very good kind people that are used and abused by the “nasties”!

Pushy people do seem to be ahead of the game in life.

Luck comes into it too.

A few people attract the right crowd of friends. Kind and nice. The vast majority however only attract a few friends some of whom may well be toxic. Such is the luck of the draw.

I disagree. All these “toxic” people who you seem to think are out… who? Is this from your experience?

Yes, and why would anyone voluntarily spend their time with someone they consider ‘toxic’? If you don’t like someone, don’t befriend them. It’s not like you’re allocated a small, unalterable set of people from whom you’re not ever allowed to deviate!

Though as a significant minority of Mners post regularly about ‘friends’ they dislike intensely, they certainly seem to think it’s entirely normal to spend your free time with people you dislike.

I have noticed this

Mumsnet “friends” whereby both people in the friendship appear to despise the other

Yes, this is really common. Often with an OP who tells us she's a "people pleaser" and seems to think it's a noble thing. "I'm so nice, a real people pleaser, even though I hate that bitch and I want you all to hate her too!"

I do think a lot of it is due to women being socialised more than men always to be "nice", though. You hear "kill them with kindness" a lot. I'll be so nice and sweet and kind and lovely because I want to DESTROY THEM!!!!

I've noticed this as well.

It's a running joke that MNers hate their husbands but it's even more true (and disturbing) that so many MNers also hate their friends.

It's like it hasn't clicked with a lot of people on here that when you're an adult you can choose to spend time with (and be in relationships with) people you actually like.

I also wonder if all the people who post about how shit their friends and husbands are ever realise that they may well be the common denominator 🫣

And this type of person generally speaks of school gate “cliques”, “bitches” at work and seem to be no contact with at least a handful of people.

But at the same time they are “people pleasers” and “too nice”

I think self-identifying 'people pleasers' tend to be quite needy and self-absorbed. The people I have met who genuinely would do anything for anyone don't call themselves that, or hold up their 'niceness' as if waiting for a medal.
And that's why genuinely nice people actually tend to be liked. They aren't doing it to get something out of it, it's just who they are.
I have met people like that, and they are the absolute salt of the earth. People don't take the piss because they command respect, just by being decent. Not in a needy, transactional way of 'if I do this, I expect that'.

And certainly they don't watch other people's lives hoping for "karma" to strike them down.

I think if Dolly Parton taught us anything, it’s what matters most.

But Dolly was genuinely wonderful. Most people who claim to be nice are often anything but.

It's true. I guess that's why they created religion to convince people to be nice and not kill and steal from each other. People get way with things all the time but in my experience there is always a bigger fish and they often come to harm or get their come uppance eventually. But life is fr more like GOT than a Disney movie that's for sure.

I should have said fall roughly into two categories givers or takers . I was more of a giver in my younger days but after the menopause a taker . I put my self first more now .

I find it fascinating.

There’s a thread running at the moment about children treating their parents and it’s full of people being nasty about anyone who has a different family dynamic to them.

They pride themselves on being so kind and generous with their money but are thoroughly unpleasant with their words.

Shhh don't say it out loud! I restrain myself from posting this on so many MN threads.

You just know they're also the ones judging all and sundry for perceived lack of etiquette in public, or wearing tight running shorts, or eating crisps or whatever.

Oh absolutely 😂

See the thread at the moment about judging how many people someone has had sex with 🙄

Let me guess, you're religious? Nothing wrong with that