To think in life being a nice, good person rarely counts for much?

Really? No one gets anything out of a party except for the person it is thrown for? What a bleak and cynical view. I'm bloody delighted when my DD gets invited to a party because she is so happy to be included and usually really enjoys it. She gets an opportunity to play and hang out with her friends and usually gets nice food and a slice of cake into the bargain. My DD is currently too young for drop and run type parties and as an attending parent, I also appreciate being included; I like the chance to chat to other parents and to be part of the fun.

Sure, it can be an inconvenience too, and some parties are undeniably less enjoyable than others from a child and a parental perspective... but getting invited to parties is generally a joyful thing to be grateful for, surely?

(I will add the caveat that sometimes party invites are such a pain in the arse that it does seem to take the piss... I'm thinking of hen dos abroad with ridiculous requirements and costs, and weddings in inconvenient locations and with ludicrous dress codes. I am yet to encounter a children's party that approaches this territory however.)

To throw a party that is well-planned and gives the kids attending a nice experience is a lovely thing to do and is, I would argue, kind. I also note that many parents of younger children are deliberately inclusive and invite kids who are not that popular. That is especially kind.

To attend a party that someone has organised, to enjoy their hospitality and then to fail to make any effort with them afterwards, even on the level of basic friendliness and politeness at the school gate, is frankly rubbish, and definitely unkind.

Thank you @DiscoElysia that’s what I meant, and more!

to give an example, older DD started school during the end of Covid, just before whichw we had moved to a completely new area. Due to this she had a very small nursery group and hadn’t met many other children. The timing of her birthday means any party could be at the end of the summer holidays. So I organised a party, contacted all the parents who had posted in the local community group that their children would be starting reception, invited their children (and them) to come along basically saying that it would be nice for the children to meet before school started as due to Covid there had been no settling in sessions, and it was a single form entry school so they’d definitely be in the same class. I also posted an invite in the Facebook group. We had a good take up, everyone thought it was a lovely idea, the children played and the parents chatted. I spoke to everyone. It was all lovely. Some of those parents never said hello to me again. I actually did a lot more drop offs and picks up in the next year or so as I was on maternity leave during reception. They had plenty of time to see me and they couldn’t even manage a nod and a smile.

So you are saying that you would say good morning and smile at these parents and… what? They would completely ignore you? Repeatedly @NotMyDayJob ?

I’m not getting into a debate about this, I’ve given a real life example based on the topic of the thread.

I am a decent person. I always have been, I've never used anyone or been nasty to anyone. I just mean I have very firm boundaries in place and a LOT less friends. It's quiet but least I don't have the users anymore.

Last friend (a friendship of 13 years) moved to another town, not that far away and I drive. Consistently made the effort to keep the friendship up and visited. Got blocked on everything apart from text with no word in July. I text asking wtf. Basically sent me a chat GPT reply saying priorities had changed since she moved, basically admitted didn't need me anymore. I was a soft landing mat until she established her ground there... absolutely fuck that. She cut me up bad.

My so called best friend had me dancing to her tune for nearly 2 years for a way that worked for her. Friends from being 14. I couldn't be her support as much and asked for some back. Went absolutely mental and flipped on me. Said some horrible words and she immediately regretted it and unfortunately I couldn't forget it. All because she apparently read my message wrong. So yeah I think I can be excused for feeling a little bitter. It's my own fault for people pleasing with my own friends. No one respects that.

Being at peace with yourself and having a clear conscience is priceless IMHO.

In depends on the circumstances. I am not exceptional at anything. I’ve no intention of trying to be. Once I treat people how I like to be treated that’s enough for me.
The main players can’t run the team themselves, they are very important, just like in hospital setting, the doctor can’t work without the nurse, the nurse can’t work without the care assistant, they all need the cleaner to do their job well. It takes an army.
I don’t mind if I’m the slowest cadet.

I never said said you become like that through being trodden on, of course everyone has different personalities.
However, not everyone is lucky in life and meet perfect people. Sometimes this comes through life lessons and realising how to navigate theae people. I do have some friends just not as many now.

I would have said the same as you once but unfortunately people can turn out to be the complete opposite of who you thought they were. These two examples weren't friends I'd known for a few months, I'd known them absolutely years and I never ever thought they'd turn on me the way they did. It bloody hurts when people do you dirty. I'm too bloody soft deep down but I have a better armour in place and bullshit-o-meter.

Aye. Sometimes it just takes a while to get there 😉.

Eh, my experience is that people who claim to be nice and kind and honest are actually the most unpleasant (not always, obviously, but often).

The world is increasingly run by horrendous, psychopathic bullying types.

And people promote phrases like ‘bad ass bitches.’

No surprises here at all.

I completely agree with you and said the same to my daughter today about her team sport. Turning up every single time. Being a good team player unfortunately counts for nothing in my experience. It’s all who is perceived the best. Same with being kind you just get taken the piss out of ultimately. Sorry to be negative but I feel the same way.

Absolutely.

They also seem to massively lack any kind of self-awareness, lol.

@Homewithddi didn’t mean just turning up makes you a good team player. I mean being a good team player also :)

The kids get something out of the party - mainly the birthday kid, but hopefully the other kids enjoy it too.

Do I think the parents are delighted/grateful to you to spend their Saturday all day at a five year olds birthday party? No, definitely not. They've likely had to cancel their own social plans to go there.

As I said, I throw my DC birthday parties, and I reluctantly attend their friends ones, but it's for the benefit of the kids - I'm not sure why you think it's a good deed to other parents to throw your own kid a birthday party

A short overview of what karma actually is for those who need to know (ie, those using it as a threat or complaining because they can't see it)...

https://www.dhammawiki.com/index.php?title=Kamma

The mistake is being nice to arseholes that don't deserve it.