Page 34 | AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 2026-09-04T07:58:01+00:00

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here. My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children. When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs. My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him. My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months. We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

SexyFrenchDepression · 05/09/2026 20:58

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 19:58

We have had a terrible day with every emotion possible but ultimately my sister is going back to her husband and has booked the flights. Even my parents have given up and despair that after all the trouble, she is going back to place we were told by her that she would never be happy. It is her choice though.

She has barely interacted with the dog. The children have played with him 10 minutes but gone back to their toys. Apparently they want a hamster.

My teen daughter is pissed at the whole situation so actually said to my sister ‘what about the dog, you wanted him back’. My sister said ‘I’ve decided you can keep him’. My daughter told her she is thoughtless, irresponsible and selfish. I did step in and tell her to leave it but after everything, I can’t disagree.

My husband is driving them back now as I couldn’t face it. She has caused us so much stress and is now acting like it’s all sorted. My niece and nephew seem ok. When she told them they were going back to live with daddy, the oldest one was clearly confused and said he thought they always were. I feel so sorry for them but they’re not my children and I can’t do anything.

Our dog will never be going back to them and I am stepping back from her. I’m completely drained from the last couple of months. Both dogs are cuddled up together sleeping.

Edited

Ah OP, this sounds really tough.

I would have said you should keep the dog given the circumstances, there is not a situation on earth that would have me moving away from my dogs for potentially 3 years.

You sound really supportive of your sister but definitely were doing the right thing not considering handing the dog over. I hope you are all ok, it sounds like a tough situation all round.

yellowspanner · 05/09/2026 21:17

He's your dog. Keep him. None of your sister's problems were created by you or your dog.

AcquadiP · 05/09/2026 21:31

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 11:13

This is what OP said:

One of the other options they were considering for him when they moved was some sort of a dog share among 3 sets of friends where one set had him for 2 weeks and then he would go to the next lot of friends. She’d didn’t do it but she did consider it, so I’m very justified in my comments about passing him around like a toy

Shes done nothing but criticise and judge her sister , accusing her of being awful to her dog and a bad mother.

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Any dog lover would be appalled at the suggestion that a dog be passed between three couples on a fortnightly basis for three years. That would be tantamount to mental cruelty. Dogs thrive in loving, stable homes with a predictable routine. The OP is cognisant of this and was correct in calling it out.

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 21:35

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 19:58

We have had a terrible day with every emotion possible but ultimately my sister is going back to her husband and has booked the flights. Even my parents have given up and despair that after all the trouble, she is going back to place we were told by her that she would never be happy. It is her choice though.

She has barely interacted with the dog. The children have played with him 10 minutes but gone back to their toys. Apparently they want a hamster.

My teen daughter is pissed at the whole situation so actually said to my sister ‘what about the dog, you wanted him back’. My sister said ‘I’ve decided you can keep him’. My daughter told her she is thoughtless, irresponsible and selfish. I did step in and tell her to leave it but after everything, I can’t disagree.

My husband is driving them back now as I couldn’t face it. She has caused us so much stress and is now acting like it’s all sorted. My niece and nephew seem ok. When she told them they were going back to live with daddy, the oldest one was clearly confused and said he thought they always were. I feel so sorry for them but they’re not my children and I can’t do anything.

Our dog will never be going back to them and I am stepping back from her. I’m completely drained from the last couple of months. Both dogs are cuddled up together sleeping.

Edited

Oh so first you were dragging her for asking for the dog, now you are dragging her for saying you can keep him?.
Who needs enemies eh?

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2026 21:46

@WatchTheStormTouchDown your sister is in crisis, between a rock and a hard place and you let your teen have a go at her about a dog? You all have got what you wanted, so why the parting shot? Do you think it's easy to end a marriage, when it's the place you live in that's the issue, not the marriage? Your teenager was way out of line.

Rubberduck76 · 05/09/2026 21:47

Yeh, not sure you seem the kindest to your poor neice's/nephew's who've been dragged across the world by their parents and now dragged back by one and oh yeh, they are separating and may divorce. Dad's abroad so they wont get to see him which is crap. Maybe show some compassion to them who had no choice and give the dog back? Or help them get a new one? I'm guessing your family life is abit more stable compared to their cousins and the lesson learned is don't get roped into helping your sis out with the first dog again. It might teach your kids that sometimes we do kind things for other people, especially when they are having a shit time.

AcquadiP · 05/09/2026 21:53

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 21:35

Oh so first you were dragging her for asking for the dog, now you are dragging her for saying you can keep him?.
Who needs enemies eh?

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OFS, that's not what the Op is saying at all.

ThreadGuardDog · 05/09/2026 21:58

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 21:35

Oh so first you were dragging her for asking for the dog, now you are dragging her for saying you can keep him?.
Who needs enemies eh?

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Oh for goodness sake read the OP’s posts properly. Either that or get some help with your comprehension skills.

SurferRona · 05/09/2026 22:00

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 09:48

He has seen them 3 times. The first time he was a little excited for a minute and then went back to lie on the sofa with our other dog. The second time he stayed in the garden and wouldn’t go to her when she called him as he was playing with my son and other dog. The third time she tried to take him on a walk and he wouldn’t leave the house without my husband. 😞

If he had seemed to want to be with them, we would have been more likely to think more about it but he didn’t.

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Then the dog has decided, hasn’t he? He’s your DDog now, your sister can sort herself another one out if she’s desperate. And her kids will see the dog at their cousins. Well done on stepping up OP, he’s a lucky pup 🐶

ThreadGuardDog · 05/09/2026 22:01

Rubberduck76 · 05/09/2026 21:47

Yeh, not sure you seem the kindest to your poor neice's/nephew's who've been dragged across the world by their parents and now dragged back by one and oh yeh, they are separating and may divorce. Dad's abroad so they wont get to see him which is crap. Maybe show some compassion to them who had no choice and give the dog back? Or help them get a new one? I'm guessing your family life is abit more stable compared to their cousins and the lesson learned is don't get roped into helping your sis out with the first dog again. It might teach your kids that sometimes we do kind things for other people, especially when they are having a shit time.

What a load of codswallop. Maybe read the OP’s updates. Dsis has reconciled with her DH and is moving back to be with him, with her kids. Guess where the dog is staying ?

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 22:05

Rubberduck76 · 05/09/2026 21:47

Yeh, not sure you seem the kindest to your poor neice's/nephew's who've been dragged across the world by their parents and now dragged back by one and oh yeh, they are separating and may divorce. Dad's abroad so they wont get to see him which is crap. Maybe show some compassion to them who had no choice and give the dog back? Or help them get a new one? I'm guessing your family life is abit more stable compared to their cousins and the lesson learned is don't get roped into helping your sis out with the first dog again. It might teach your kids that sometimes we do kind things for other people, especially when they are having a shit time.

.

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 22:06

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2026 21:46

@WatchTheStormTouchDown your sister is in crisis, between a rock and a hard place and you let your teen have a go at her about a dog? You all have got what you wanted, so why the parting shot? Do you think it's easy to end a marriage, when it's the place you live in that's the issue, not the marriage? Your teenager was way out of line.

Agree

ThreadGuardDog · 05/09/2026 22:07

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2026 21:46

@WatchTheStormTouchDown your sister is in crisis, between a rock and a hard place and you let your teen have a go at her about a dog? You all have got what you wanted, so why the parting shot? Do you think it's easy to end a marriage, when it's the place you live in that's the issue, not the marriage? Your teenager was way out of line.

Yeah, she’s in so much crisis she’s moving out of the UK again and going back to her DH. The kids have about as much say in being dragged around the world in her wake, as the dog did about being left behind. She’s behaved appallingly and OP’s teen was right to speak her mind about the irresponsible way she’s treated the dog. Not to mention her own children and her sister.

Springtimeinsunshine · 05/09/2026 22:09

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2026 21:46

@WatchTheStormTouchDown your sister is in crisis, between a rock and a hard place and you let your teen have a go at her about a dog? You all have got what you wanted, so why the parting shot? Do you think it's easy to end a marriage, when it's the place you live in that's the issue, not the marriage? Your teenager was way out of line.

She didn't let her teen DD, she stopped her. Try reading her post properly if you are going to have a go at the OP.

@WatchTheStormTouchDown I'm sorry everything reached crisis point tonight but maybe your sister needed to reach that point for clarity on where/what/who matters the most and life becomes more stable for the children too.

Original poster

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 22:09

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2026 21:46

@WatchTheStormTouchDown your sister is in crisis, between a rock and a hard place and you let your teen have a go at her about a dog? You all have got what you wanted, so why the parting shot? Do you think it's easy to end a marriage, when it's the place you live in that's the issue, not the marriage? Your teenager was way out of line.

I said I stepped in and told my daughter to leave it.

My daughter has had to deal with stress caused by my sister and is allowed an opinion when it involves her dog though and her life has been impacted. It is my daughter’s home and my sister has asked to be brought here. My daughter missed a night out when we went and collected my sister as she was needed to look after her younger siblings. She also missed out on a day out with me today that we had planned for weeks. Her life has been impacted and she is annoyed that our family has bent over backwards to support her and all she has seen my sister be is rude to me, my husband, my mum and dad today. My daughter was annoyed that my sister caused a big fuss about having the dog back and then now doesn’t give a shit about the dog and is off again. She is annoyed that my sister seems to have given no thought as to how stressful this has been for anyone else, her young cousins and us. She saw my sister demand rather than ask that she was taken back home tonight. By the time my sister left, it was like everything was sorted for her and she didn’t give a shit about the stress she had put anyone else through. My daughter has helped strip their beds and wash the bedding and tidy up the mess left by my sister and the kids as she has just breezed out now all is sorted for her.

My teen was spot on. I stepped in because I didn’t want another row. She has booked her flights, had made her decision, upset my parents, fucked everyone around, decided she was now ok and fuck everyone else and the dog. I stepped in because I just wanted her to leave by that point, not because my daughter was wrong. Don’t dare come for my daughter.

OP posts:

AcquadiP · 05/09/2026 22:10

Rubberduck76 · 05/09/2026 21:47

Yeh, not sure you seem the kindest to your poor neice's/nephew's who've been dragged across the world by their parents and now dragged back by one and oh yeh, they are separating and may divorce. Dad's abroad so they wont get to see him which is crap. Maybe show some compassion to them who had no choice and give the dog back? Or help them get a new one? I'm guessing your family life is abit more stable compared to their cousins and the lesson learned is don't get roped into helping your sis out with the first dog again. It might teach your kids that sometimes we do kind things for other people, especially when they are having a shit time.

Well it's just as well the dog wasn't given back, isn't it? The kids now want a hamster, the sister no longer wants the dog back and they're all moving back to rejoin the husband.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2026 22:11

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 21:35

Oh so first you were dragging her for asking for the dog, now you are dragging her for saying you can keep him?.
Who needs enemies eh?

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I was waiting for someone to still somehow blame OP with that update.

Sister has caused a lot of upset and trouble and is now saying she can keep the dog anyway. Of course OP (and her kids) are going to react to that.

ThreadGuardDog · 05/09/2026 22:11

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 22:06

Agree

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Dsis is going back to her husband and taking her kids with her. Just as l and a coupe of other posters predicted at the beginning of the thread. Doesn’t give a stuff about the dog now, and clearly doesn’t care about the impact of her behaviour on her kids or her sister. She’s a self absorbed flake.

Original poster

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 22:12

AcquadiP · 05/09/2026 22:10

Well it's just as well the dog wasn't given back, isn't it? The kids now want a hamster, the sister no longer wants the dog back and they're all moving back to rejoin the husband.

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I just want to point out I don’t hold the kids to blame for wanting a hamster and not the dog. They are very young and don’t understand the importance of being a responsible pet owner. This is all my sisters fault.

OP posts:

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 22:13

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 22:09

I said I stepped in and told my daughter to leave it.

My daughter has had to deal with stress caused by my sister and is allowed an opinion when it involves her dog though and her life has been impacted. It is my daughter’s home and my sister has asked to be brought here. My daughter missed a night out when we went and collected my sister as she was needed to look after her younger siblings. She also missed out on a day out with me today that we had planned for weeks. Her life has been impacted and she is annoyed that our family has bent over backwards to support her and all she has seen my sister be is rude to me, my husband, my mum and dad today. My daughter was annoyed that my sister caused a big fuss about having the dog back and then now doesn’t give a shit about the dog and is off again. She is annoyed that my sister seems to have given no thought as to how stressful this has been for anyone else, her young cousins and us. She saw my sister demand rather than ask that she was taken back home tonight. By the time my sister left, it was like everything was sorted for her and she didn’t give a shit about the stress she had put anyone else through. My daughter has helped strip their beds and wash the bedding and tidy up the mess left by my sister and the kids as she has just breezed out now all is sorted for her.

My teen was spot on. I stepped in because I didn’t want another row. She has booked her flights, had made her decision, upset my parents, fucked everyone around, decided she was now ok and fuck everyone else and the dog. I stepped in because I just wanted her to leave by that point, not because my daughter was wrong. Don’t dare come for my daughter.

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Your sister/ her family is in serious crisis , and your teen missed on one night/ day out?
its been clear from the beginning of this thread that you hold your sister in complete contempt. You've pointed out how outing this post is, yet you've dragged her in the worst way- including accusing her of being a terrible mother.

You are keeping the dog. It is settled. She has gone. Maybe you can stop dragging your sister on the internet now?

ThreadGuardDog · 05/09/2026 22:14

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2026 22:11

I was waiting for someone to still somehow blame OP with that update.

Sister has caused a lot of upset and trouble and is now saying she can keep the dog anyway. Of course OP (and her kids) are going to react to that.

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Agree. Sister is going back to her DH and fro OP’s update it’s clear she didn’t give a monkey’s about the dog beyond getting her own way.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2026 22:16

ThreadGuardDog · 05/09/2026 22:14

Agree. Sister is going back to her DH and fro OP’s update it’s clear she didn’t give a monkey’s about the dog beyond getting her own way.

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Exactly.

Imagine if OP had given the dog back just for it to get abandoned again. Poor thing.

AcquadiP · 05/09/2026 22:16

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 22:12

I just want to point out I don’t hold the kids to blame for wanting a hamster and not the dog. They are very young and don’t understand the importance of being a responsible pet owner. This is all my sisters fault.

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I agree.

Original poster

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 22:16

My husband has said enough is enough and I’m in agreement with him. Even my parents have said she has behaved appallingly. They have apologised to me for their behaviour in pressuring and guilting us and admit we had better judgement of the situation than they did. I’ve told them we are having a break from all of them.

OP posts:

ThreadGuardDog · 05/09/2026 22:19

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 22:13

Your sister/ her family is in serious crisis , and your teen missed on one night/ day out?
its been clear from the beginning of this thread that you hold your sister in complete contempt. You've pointed out how outing this post is, yet you've dragged her in the worst way- including accusing her of being a terrible mother.

You are keeping the dog. It is settled. She has gone. Maybe you can stop dragging your sister on the internet now?

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Oh for fucks’ sake give it up. OP’s sister is a flake. She doesn’t care about the dog and never did - that’s obvious, to everyone except you. And she is a terrible mother. She dragged her kids to another country, split up with their dad, dragged them home, changed her mind and dragged them back again. OP has made it perfectly clear what happened - you just don’t want to see it because it doesn’t suit the assumptions you made from the beginning.