AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

"It isn’t my fault that the decisions my sister makes don’t prioritise her children and dog".

Seems clear to me from the OP's latest update that she and her family were right in refusing to give the dog back, as her sister is clearly not thinking straight. It looks extremely likely now, that the sister will go back abroad with her children, and give her DH another chance, so the OP was correct to stand firm, and obviously knows her sister well.

Sometimes in a post it's hard for us to really understand what's going on, even if the OP does their best to tell us the complete story, but in this case I think the vast majority who voted that she should keep the dog were correct.

Upset that people like you are making it into something that it isn't

This is what OP said:

One of the other options they were considering for him when they moved was some sort of a dog share among 3 sets of friends where one set had him for 2 weeks and then he would go to the next lot of friends. She’d didn’t do it but she did consider it, so I’m very justified in my comments about passing him around like a toy

Shes done nothing but criticise and judge her sister , accusing her of being awful to her dog and a bad mother.

Could help me make sense of this statement?

I've known dogs that after 5 years still react like puppies when they see their original owners (I rescue, so I see re-homing a lot).

When is a rehomer ever going to witness a dog meet up with its original owner again? Especially after five years?
It's been puzzling me but there may well be a perfectly logical reason that I have missed.

We have had a terrible day with every emotion possible but ultimately my sister is going back to her husband and has booked the flights. Even my parents have given up and despair that after all the trouble, she is going back to place we were told by her that she would never be happy. It is her choice though.

She has barely interacted with the dog. The children have played with him 10 minutes but gone back to their toys. Apparently they want a hamster.

My teen daughter is pissed at the whole situation so actually said to my sister ‘what about the dog, you wanted him back’. My sister said ‘I’ve decided you can keep him’. My daughter told her she is thoughtless, irresponsible and selfish. I did step in and tell her to leave it but after everything, I can’t disagree.

My husband is driving them back now as I couldn’t face it. She has caused us so much stress and is now acting like it’s all sorted. My niece and nephew seem ok. When she told them they were going back to live with daddy, the oldest one was clearly confused and said he thought they always were. I feel so sorry for them but they’re not my children and I can’t do anything.

Our dog will never be going back to them and I am stepping back from her. I’m completely drained from the last couple of months. Both dogs are cuddled up together sleeping.

We have had a terrible day with every emotion possible but ultimately my sister is going back to her husband and has booked the flights. Even my parents have given up and despair that after all the trouble, she is going back to place we were told by her that she would never be happy. It is her choice though.

She has barely interacted with the dog. The children have played with him 10 minutes but gone back to their toys. Apparently they want a hamster.

My teen daughter is pissed at the whole situation so actually said to my sister ‘what about the dog, you wanted him back’. My sister said ‘I’ve decided you can keep him’. My daughter told her she is thoughtless, irresponsible and selfish. I did step in and tell her to leave it but after everything, I can’t disagree.

My husband is driving them back now as I couldn’t face it. She has caused us so much stress and is now acting like it’s all sorted. My niece and nephew seem ok. When she told them they were going back to live with daddy, the oldest one was clearly confused and said he thought they always were. I feel so sorry for them but they’re not my children and I can’t do anything.

Our dog will never be going back to them and I am stepping back from her. I’m completely drained from the last couple of months. Both dogs are cuddled up together sleeping.

A dog's reaction will also depend on the relationship it's had with its previous owners. Many years ago, I was contacted by someone looking to rehome a 4.5 year old Black Labrador. They'd had her for 4 years, prior to that she'd belonged to their daughter. Their tale was they were moving house, they had two Golden Retrievers and there wasn't going to be "room" for the Lab. I met the dog, I liked her, my other dogs liked her and ownership was transferred to me. On the day of the handover, the Lab wasn't in the least bit bothered when they went to leave. She didn't try to follow them, she simply climbed up on the couch. In the days and weeks that followed, she showed no signs of pining for them whatsoever, she settled in beautifully. The couple didn't ring me to see if she had settled in, to ask if she was ok, which was very telling. Infact I had my Lab for 10 years and I never heard from them again. She was the most beautiful dog too.

is that really what you believe? Is that how you would react if a sibling wrote something like that about you? "Oh it's out of context"?

Yeah, she has done nothing for her sister, absolutely nothing, not a thing. 🙃

This. Abominably selfish of you OP

Some people would probably like it deleted because even after OP made it very clear that she knew her sister wasn’t coping and it wasn’t in the best interests of the dog to be returned, they continued to insist the dog be returned. They now realise they were wrong and that they have made tits of themselves and would have put the dog at risk of further disruption, which 2/3 of us could see.

I’m not sure what your comment has to do with OP outing her sisters MH struggles to the internet? Or was it a dig at me? If so I stand by my first post on this thread which was based off the information provided on the OP and not the subsequent long, outing and really inappropriate follow up.

Agree with this.

And if OP actually cared about her sister she absolutely would not be outing the state of her MH on the internet where it’s likely incredibly obvious to anyone who knows the family. People can spin OP as caring if they like, but caring relatives don’t air their siblings MH laundry to MN.

She sounds very supportive of her sister?

I genuinely for the life of me cannot see how people have got that from this thread.

YABU. They didn't want to give him up, you made them, and now they're desperate to have him back and you're thinking of you not the dog. Of course he will be more bonded yo them than you. Sorry but he will be. You say he isn't a toy to be passed around but that's not what's happening is it, his family who brought him up and loved him want him to come home, having never really wanted to lose him in the first place. His family who are grieving the breakup of a family. In mumsnet lingo, give your head a wobble.