AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 2026-09-04T07:58:01+00:00

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here. My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children. When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs. My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him. My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months. We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

PrettyPickle · Today 01:35

Lacksie · Yesterday 18:57

I think we are going round in circles so will leave it there.

Show quote history

Wise move

redboxer321 · Yesterday 23:32

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 04/09/2026 11:19

In these circumstances, it wouldn't happen. We do our due diligence and there's no contact between the person who gives up the dog and the person who takes the dog - exactly to prevent this sort of unfortunate situation happening. When you relinquish a dog it should be for life and you should never see it again (because it's incredibly traumatic on the dog).

But OP and her sister massively screwed the literal and figurative pooch. No one who knows anything about re-homing dogs could have thought this was ever going to be a good idea - OPs sister was always going to return and almost certainly want the dog back, be that in three years or as it turned out 7 months.

The best thing for the dog would have been to re-home through the Poodle Network or another breed specific rescue. That neither OP nor her sister thought to do that speaks volumes about them as owners and their ability to understand the basics about dogs - OPs sister turning up is unfair on the dog, no matter how much OP thinks the dog doesn't care.

The fact is, a bit of empathy and compassion for OPs sister would go a long way here. OP doesn't need the dog - she has one - and if the dog managed before home alone all day, it's not ideal, but it would manage. OP has already claimed that in 7 months the dog has moved on, so by that logic it could move on again from OP easily (right? Although tbh I disbelieve the dog is as settled as OP claims).

And the fact is that, realistically, unless OP has all the paperwork signed and it's all been properly done...she has no leg to stand on. And even if she does, she's going to burn all her bridges with her family for the forseeable.

@ThreadGuardDog also tagging you but I can see you have a bit of an axe to grind and just want to have a go at everyone who has a different opinion to you...

Show quote history

But it would. As in your example with the person who had to surrender their dog because they had a debilitating illness. As you say, in the breed specific world lots of owners/breeders/rehomers know each other and go to the same events. The old owner and new owner with the dog would therefore be reasonably likely to bump into each other. Unless the poodle world is very different to the GR one.

BigAgeGapIck · Yesterday 22:25

Blondeshavemorefun · Yesterday 21:58

I’m late to this but read your posts @WatchTheStormTouchDown

So it was all a game to her ?

to get a bigger home

she didn’t actually want the dog - what would have happened if you said yes to her and dog went there

for her to then return to dh

she sounds as if she has serious issues

@WatchTheStormTouchDown

This!

Blimey!! 🤯

Sorry, OP.

OnlyOneAdda · Yesterday 22:21

Wow. Took me a while to wade through the thread and what a turn it took!

I was team OP even on the basis of the original face value info. Clearly from what you said the dog is happier with your family, and I also think it is completely valid to put your own children and both your dogs first. I really felt sorry for you with your sister putting you in an impossible position…and jeez the posters that were coming for you! 😳

But clearly the way things evolved make things crystal clear. What a manipulative bitch your DSis is. Good on your DD for calling her on it. Wishing you, your family and BOTH your DDogs all the best.

LazyBastardFriday · Yesterday 22:21

SixtySomething · Yesterday 22:11

I have read the thread.

Show quote history

You would give the dog back to someone who now doesn’t want the dog and is leaving the country. Really?

SixtySomething · Yesterday 22:11

Mooselove · Yesterday 15:30

I would read the thread

Show quote history

I have read the thread.

HisNibs · Yesterday 21:59

godmum56 · Yesterday 21:41

RTFFT

Show quote history

I did thank you very much, no need to be rude. I was responding to someone's suggestion that OP should counter her sister's suggestion to pay for the dog by charging for boarding for the last 7 months with a reasonable daily fee. Perhaps you should follow your own advice?

Blondeshavemorefun · Yesterday 21:58

I’m late to this but read your posts @WatchTheStormTouchDown

So it was all a game to her ?

to get a bigger home

she didn’t actually want the dog - what would have happened if you said yes to her and dog went there

for her to then return to dh

she sounds as if she has serious issues

godmum56 · Yesterday 21:58

does nobody RTFT or at least the Op updates?

HoppityBun · Yesterday 21:57

WiddlinDiddlin · Yesterday 19:11

Ahahahahaha omg. She is a piece of work!

I'd tell her she can deduct it for what she owes you for 7 months of home-boarded kennel fees - at the average rate of £315 a week, she owes you probably around 9 to 9.5K.

i very much doubt the dog cost that.

Show quote history

No. Don’t suggest that because it fits in with her fabrication that the dog was never with you permanently until yesterday.

HoppityBun · Yesterday 21:55

WatchTheStormTouchDown · Yesterday 18:41

She’s now said that as we are ‘now’ keeping the dog, we need to pay what they paid for him when they bought him as a puppy. We were always keeping the dog from when she agreed to sign ownership to us.

We have also heard and seen evidence in text messages that my sister never intended to stay in the UK but wanted to convince her husband she was to get her own way about a bigger property abroad. That fits with what we heard her talking to her husband about when she was here and when he called us to say he was concerned about her, he checked that she had asked for the dog back and kept asking if we thought she was serious. Asking for the dog back was part of convincing him she was serious about staying here to force him into getting a bigger property over there. She has got her way about the property so is going back. We are all disgusted that she would use her children and our dog like that, distressing us and our children in her games. We won’t be having any more contact with her.

As usual, people are muddling up needs and wants.

You need to carry on doing what you’ve been doing, which is looking after your family. Including the dogs.

Your sister wants money from you.

RemindMeOfYourEyes · Yesterday 21:47

Having thought about it, I would be tempted to tell your sisters husband about how she has orchestrated all of this and played everyone off against each other to get him to agree to her demands. He might just tell her he doesn’t want her back if he knew the truth. Obviously he needs to be careful if he wants to see his children because she sounds manipulative and vindictive, but if he is a decent man, I would be helping him open his eyes to the person your sister is.

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 21:45

friendlyflicka · Yesterday 20:52

I think you are reading the chaotic upheaval into the sister. And I happen to think relationships with people are more important than with pets. There is no cruelty involved, it is about 2 good homes for a dog

Show quote history

Hope you read the updates.

PinkyFlamingo · Yesterday 21:43

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 23:35

Because I quoted the wrong post.you clearly have a lot of time on your hands 😅

Edited

Show quote history

No more so than anyone else here I would imagine , it's a bit odd to see a post with nothing on it, and no explanation!

godmum56 · Yesterday 21:42

friendlyflicka · Yesterday 20:52

I think you are reading the chaotic upheaval into the sister. And I happen to think relationships with people are more important than with pets. There is no cruelty involved, it is about 2 good homes for a dog

Show quote history

RTFFT

godmum56 · Yesterday 21:41

HisNibs · Yesterday 21:35

7 months is about 30 weeks. Take a cheap rate for home boarding of £30 per day, that's £210 per week so the total so far is now £6,300. I think that more than covers the cost OP's sister paid for the dog but honestly, I just wouldn't dignify the ridiculous request with a response.

Show quote history

RTFFT

godmum56 · Yesterday 21:41

Smokewhistle · Yesterday 21:30

OP, as said further up the thread. Find out the daily cost of a medium sized dog in a boarding kennels. Multiply that price by seven, then work out how many weeks you have had him. If you get any more nonsense from your sister about paying for him. Present her with the bill for seven months board plus vets fees. She will end up owing you.

RTFFT

HisNibs · Yesterday 21:35

Smokewhistle · Yesterday 21:30

OP, as said further up the thread. Find out the daily cost of a medium sized dog in a boarding kennels. Multiply that price by seven, then work out how many weeks you have had him. If you get any more nonsense from your sister about paying for him. Present her with the bill for seven months board plus vets fees. She will end up owing you.

7 months is about 30 weeks. Take a cheap rate for home boarding of £30 per day, that's £210 per week so the total so far is now £6,300. I think that more than covers the cost OP's sister paid for the dog but honestly, I just wouldn't dignify the ridiculous request with a response.

RemindMeOfYourEyes · Yesterday 21:35

friendlyflicka · Yesterday 20:52

I think you are reading the chaotic upheaval into the sister. And I happen to think relationships with people are more important than with pets. There is no cruelty involved, it is about 2 good homes for a dog

Show quote history

It doesn’t seem as though OPs sister cares about relationships with people or pets, just big houses and money. I think OPs sister has shown herself to be a cruel person.

Packofsix · Yesterday 21:31

WatchTheStormTouchDown · Yesterday 18:41

She’s now said that as we are ‘now’ keeping the dog, we need to pay what they paid for him when they bought him as a puppy. We were always keeping the dog from when she agreed to sign ownership to us.

We have also heard and seen evidence in text messages that my sister never intended to stay in the UK but wanted to convince her husband she was to get her own way about a bigger property abroad. That fits with what we heard her talking to her husband about when she was here and when he called us to say he was concerned about her, he checked that she had asked for the dog back and kept asking if we thought she was serious. Asking for the dog back was part of convincing him she was serious about staying here to force him into getting a bigger property over there. She has got her way about the property so is going back. We are all disgusted that she would use her children and our dog like that, distressing us and our children in her games. We won’t be having any more contact with her.

That is disgusting behaviour!!!! What an absolute bitch she is!

Smokewhistle · Yesterday 21:30

OP, as said further up the thread. Find out the daily cost of a medium sized dog in a boarding kennels. Multiply that price by seven, then work out how many weeks you have had him. If you get any more nonsense from your sister about paying for him. Present her with the bill for seven months board plus vets fees. She will end up owing you.

HisNibs · Yesterday 21:28

In your position OP, I just wouldn't respond. In fact, I wouldn't ever be in contact with her again. Did the same with my brother (for different reasons but it certainly did involve manipulation and playing people off against each other). Haven't spoken to him in over 12 years now. I have no regrets about it.

ETA - your earlier comment about taking a break from all of them I guess includes your parents? I can understand that too.

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 20:55

friendlyflicka · Yesterday 20:52

I think you are reading the chaotic upheaval into the sister. And I happen to think relationships with people are more important than with pets. There is no cruelty involved, it is about 2 good homes for a dog

Show quote history

Read the OP’s updates. It’s very clear why she had reservations about giving the dog back given the outcome.

friendlyflicka · Yesterday 20:52

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 13:32

Why is it strange to think that it’s not in the animals’ best interests to remove it from a stable and happy home where it has the company of other humans all day and another dog with which it’s bonded, only to put it into a chaotic environment where it’s owner’s life is in upheaval and it will be alone a lot of the time ? How does this help anything that’s going on now ?

Do you think that if OP’s sister went to a rehoming centre and was honest about her present home situation they would even think of letting her have a dog ?

Show quote history

I think you are reading the chaotic upheaval into the sister. And I happen to think relationships with people are more important than with pets. There is no cruelty involved, it is about 2 good homes for a dog

Mooselove · Yesterday 20:46

Milly16 · Yesterday 20:44

Give the dog back and get one of your own. The dog will adjust quickly

For goodness sake READ THE THREAD before posting comments