AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

You own a dog. The dog is settled with you. Your sister is asking you to give your dog to her. If you do that, you and your family, including children will be upset. You dont want to give your dog away. The children dont want to give.the dog away.

I dont think you are being unreasonable.

If the dig hadnt settled and/or if you didnt have young kids who would be upset by their dog being taken away, I would think you were being unreasonable.

Completely agree.

Wishing you and all members of your family the very best OP, I hope your sister starts to feel better and more positive very soon.
The dog is exactly where he should be and where he's happy.

If you had read the thread you will have seen that the sister has visited a couple of times and the dog has not been interested in her. In fact it refused to go on a walk with her! Says it all really

This is what OP said:

One of the other options they were considering for him when they moved was some sort of a dog share among 3 sets of friends where one set had him for 2 weeks and then he would go to the next lot of friends. She’d didn’t do it but she did consider it, so I’m very justified in my comments about passing him around like a toy

Shes done nothing but criticise and judge her sister , accusing her of being awful to her dog and a bad mother.

If you read all of the OP's updates you'll see the answer to this.

She's called a spade a spade as far as the dog goes.

Oh so you could be bothered to go back through the posts to prove me wrong!

Well no one with any sense and who loved their dog would not even consider such a bonkers idea.

I would criticise and judge any of my family that upped and left their supposed loved pet, didn't pay anything towards its upkeep and then came back demanding the dog back. Oh and let's not forget the eye problem the sister ignored

I have brothers. And a dog. There is no way in hell I’d jeopardise my relationship with my brothers for a dog, and I do love my dog.
YABU.

Yeah, she has done nothing for her sister, absolutely nothing, not a thing. 🙃

But genuinely, moving a dog every 2 weeks to a different house (I wouldn’t call
it a home) is not something you’d even consider is it? I’d certainly not if I were to have to leave my dog if I moved. So just an honest assessment. If you were to suggest that to a rescue that wouldn’t be a home life they’d engage with in any circumstance?

What a difficult and upsetting situation for you all, OP. Your last update makes it clear you are doing the right thing by the dog and your sister. I’m sorry your wider family aren’t supporting you. I hope they can now see your sister is in no fit state to take on a dog. Everything is up in the air and it sounds as if she may return to her husband.
I hope you are getting support yourself in all of this. It’s a stressful time. I’d be stopping all conversations and conflicts about the dog until your sister’s MH improves and she has some stability in her life.
I’d say “let’s leave DDog out of things while everything is in flux. DDog is safe and well looked after here and DNs can visit and spend time with DDog here. The important thing just now is to support you (DS) and the DNs while you decide on a way forward”.

I’d communicate this to wider family too and then shut down all conversation about DDog. Good luck. I hope you all get through this difficult time and DS’s DH steps up for his family.

@WatchTheStormTouchDown You don't need other people to validate your decision, but if you did, you have it in oodles.

Your sister is in a very emotional, volatile state and simply doesn't know what to do and is grasping at straws to find some sign of happiness for her kids. You seem a loving sister, that wants to support her emotionally but will not validate and encourage bad moves that may cause her further difficulties down the line , and that is as it should be.

She is already saying she wants to go back to her husband so she is proving your point that the dog will have consistency with you.

I hope your sister finds her direction soon and despite the initial arguments over this, it sounds like she needs the very boundaries you are trying to put in place to keep her on an even keel.

Just a suggestion. Give doggo back and go buy one of your own.

Sis has enough on her plate.

Ask yourself "How would I feel in the same situation.?"

After all, her whole life has been turned upside down.

A little bit of sisterly love wouldn't go amiss here. And you should bear in mind the acriomony that will wreck your family life if you maintain your "position".

Just a suggestion. Read the thread.

Cancel the cheque.

This sounds like a loving and supportive sister?

It isn’t my fault that the decisions my sister makes don’t prioritise her children and dog. We make decisions that’s are best for our children and dogs, always have and always will

Imagine going through the breakdown of your marriage and family, and this is what close family says about you.

There are clearly some people trolling/being goady who should be ignored.

It would be cruel to the dog to give it back. It's bonded with your dog and your family and it was made clear at the time it was a permanent rehoming.
I'm sorry for everything your sister is going through, as I've been through it, BUT, nope, keep the poodle.
You actually sound like a great sister, from all you are willing to do in terms of supporting her and her children.

I suspect that there is a lot more to this sad case than one dog.

Rubbish! She has to look after her own family but she is actively supporting her sister, through emotional heartbreak, you are taking stuff out of context

If sister says her kids now need the dog, well she didn't reach that same conclusion when she gave up ownership of the dog 7mths ago, when she handed ownership of the dog over. They could have taken the dog with them, they did not.

The OP is prioritising the welfare of her kids and dog now because they are attached to the dog and being reasonable, her sister already has too much on her plate without adding a dog to the mix and in the future, I am sure her sister will acknowledge that.

Her sister is emotionally volatile and the OP physically went and got her and her kids in the middle of the night, leaving her own family to do so,

I think people on here are vilifying the OP for stuff they are implying but in my opinion that OP has not evidenced because you are taking stuff out of context.

Well clearly she made the wrong choice. And pets aren't disposeable, don't get a pet if you are going to abandon it.

Obviously you are not a dog owner, or a "doggie person".

So you would uproot a dog and confine him to being left alone in a house while children are at school and Mum (Sister) is out at work, and reliant on a dog walker. Shame on you.

You've seen that OP's sister is not in a good place at the moment and you would still advocate a return. Remember we are discussing what is best for the dog, who is not an emotional safety blanket, but a well settled, happy dog, with a loving caring family.

And reading the update, OP is a loving caring Sister, supporting her sibling through all her troubles and anxieties.

Well OP's sister has all the context.

I wonder how she would feel if she came across this thread and read OP's comments about her.

The OP hasn't slagged off her sister at all.

This.

She has come across as a kind loving thoughtful person, and is now taking care of her Sister.
She is also making sure that the dog will not suffer because of the dynamics of the situation.

The family want her to have the dog to cheer her up … they are not thinking long term or of the welfare of the dog … just a quick fix, which is so very common and probably why dog rehoming centres are so full. Likely where this dog would have ended up had the OP not taken it in … had that happened the sister would have never seen the dog again, let alone get it back.