AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

I think this swings it for me. I couldnt imagine my dog not being insanely happy and wanting to be with me after a separation of only 7 months. The fact that this dog wasnt ecstatic and trying to leave with them speaks volumes about how happy he is with you. Definitely keep him. Your sister/her kids will get used to the idea.

If your sister had been that worried about the dog, they would’ve taken him originally when they moved.

Looking at quality of life for the dog, he’s bonded with you and your dog. You’re around much more and your sister is rebuilding her life. If she was thinking about buying a dog and explained her life people would say don’t get a dog as you’re a busy single parent who is out the house three days a week and a dog would be lonely.

I would keep the dog. I can understand why your sister wants him back but he’s not a toy. It sounds like he’d be left alone a lot. If you did give the dog back, I wouldn’t put it past her to come back to you after having the dog for a few months saying it’s too much work, she has to leave him lots, she can’t afford the dog walker, the kids need taking to activities, that the dog is unhappy because he misses your dog.

I have :). Although couldn't read the ones written after that post before I wrote it 🙃

Her considering a dog share

I could not agree more. Not sure if all the stupid posts were from people who don't care about or understand dogs or, more likely, people who don't read the whole thread. So common on here and drives me mad

Between 3 different people!!! Oh yes I am sure the dog would have been ecstatic to lose its owners and live in 3 different houses. It was a ridiculous suggestion and the majority of people would realise that.

You raise some really good points here @SouthLondonMum22

You speak about your sister with contempt, wrapped up in a condescending blanket of "I know what she needs better than she does". You should get this thread deleted before this "very outing situation" gets back to her or your family, and stop posting about her mental health crisis in a public forum.

It wasn't a good idea and presumably why the sister didn't pursue it. Simply considering something and then not doing it is not a reason to condemn anyone. It sounds like sister was in a tough situation and trying to balance her husbands job against not losing her dog. I can't understand why people are being so vicious.

It doesn't like you have much empathy or concern for your sister and nephews and nieces.

Im shocked at people saying you should have little as possible to do with people in your family because of a dog - they are "sentinent beings" too.

Given the OP's latest update, I wouldn't be encouraging the sister to home anything right now!

OP, I came down hard on you earlier but can see you're doing the best. Good luck. Hope your sister can find a positive way forward.

What a difficult situation.
@WatchTheStormTouchDown Please ignore all those accusing you of being harsh towards your sister. It sounds to me as if you've been trying very hard to support her all along.
Of COURSE the dog must stay with you - there should be no debate about that in my opinion and all those purporting to have dogs themselves clearly have fuck all idea about responsible ownership. 7 months or 3 years is irrelevant and frankly a made-up argument to have a go at you. Dogs have little concept of time and this chap needs someone like you to understand his situation and advocate for him.
(And don't get me started on those who've suggested your sister gets a rescue dog! Like any reputable rescue agency would let that happen in such an unstable set-up).

Your latest update is very sad and I hope your sister can find a way through, You were obviously right to keep the dog OP. It was easy to see that the issue was never the dog from what you said and that she had bigger issues going on. I couldn’t understand anyone saying to return the dog.

."all those purporting to have dogs" ?

🤔🤔

"It doesn't like you have much empathy or concern for your sister and nephews and nieces."
Yeah, so little that she drove through the night to pick them up and bring them to her house to stay for an extended period as their mother was in crisis.

Well, owning a dog, (supposing that's true and not just bandied about in an attempt to add weight to an opinion) does not automatically mean you know what you're talking about.

Do you live near enough that you can share the dog? If so, I would compromise and suggest keeping the dog on the days she works, and she have the dog on the days she's not at work. That way both sets of children get to spend time with the dog.

When I was a young child, we looked after a dog whose owner was in prison. I understood we were looking after the dog because the owner wasn't able to at that time, but always knew that the owner would take the dog back eventually.

This can be a learning experience for your children. They have their own dog, so wouldn't be dogless. They can surely have empathy for their cousins who have lost their family unit and dog, are grieving that, and are adjusting to a new way of life.

Is it? They were happy to leave him for THREE years.

Pretty sure OP said she talked the sister out of the idea of 3 people dog sharing (can't be bothered to go back and try and find the post).

No one who loved their dog and had any sense at all would think 3 different people sharing a dog was a good idea, not even for a second.

I'm glad that your sister is safe with you. I hope that she moves closer to you so that you and your family can support her going forward. That way your children can also grow up together and all have lots of access to their dog. I've read through all of the posts and very quickly realised this isn't about the dog, it's about your sister and it's clear that she needs more help, not a dog to look after. It takes a village and all that. Sending love and support.

OP has taken on a dog that she wasn’t ready for because she saw him as family, she has listened to her sister when she has cried on the phone to her, she has said she is desperate to make things better for her sister, has offered her help with childcare and anything else she needs, listened to sisters exes concerns for her sister, has driven overnight to bring her sister and children to her house to look after them when her sister said she couldn’t cope and will now help her sort her life out. She has also been wise enough to recognise that her sister is not the best person to own the dog and thought of her own children’s feelings.

I think OPs empathy levels are good.

How do you get that from knowng absolutely nothing.

YABU and extremely mean, to be honest.

You should read the thread, to be honest.

Let the dog decide? We have a poodle, and she is very much bonded wth us after 4 years. Even if she went to lve wth someone else for 7 months, I know she would choose my children over anyone because they are her siblings. Why not see what the dog does when meeting them all. Who does he want to leave with?