to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

Absolutely. I think that many men who are blatant enough for their ogling to be noticed want to be seen - it's part of the thrill, for them. They like the sense of dominance it gives them. Because it's just so easy to be discreet, as you say.
He's probably known at the gym amongst the younger women, as the old perv who blatantly slobbers, and who still thinks he could pull them. Yuck.

Absolutely. I think that many men who are blatant enough for their ogling to be noticed want to be seen - it's part of the thrill, for them. They like the sense of dominance it gives them. Because it's just so easy to be discreet, as you say.
He's probably known at the gym amongst the younger women, as the old perv who blatantly slobbers, and who still thinks he could pull them. Yuck.

Have you written this as if you think that because many men do it, it makes it alright?!? Strange if so. It makes every single one of them grim, entitled pervs. Women need to be single more!

I agree 100%.
Thank God I am older now. When I was younger I would often wear glasses with plain lenses, pull my hair back, wear a big coat, just so I could go about my business in peace.
I didn't realise it at the time, but it was often deliberate intimidation that gives some men a sense of power.
Age brings freedom from lecherous creeps.

Let’s be real here…. A young, attractive woman goes out in public in revealing, figure-hugging clothes precisely because she wants to revel in her sexuality and be recognised as hot by the men and women she passes… she wants to be an object of desire.

Equally, she does NOT want to be made uncomfortable from being gawped at, crudely propositioned, catcalled or stalked. And she most definitely does not want to be assaulted! To be crystal clear as I suspect some posters will accuse me otherwise if i don’t: NO WOMAN IS ASKING TO BE RAPED, NO MATTER WHAT SHE’S WEARING!

Yes, she’d prefer that those admiring her sex appeal were just her female contemporaries and hot young men, but by consciously choosing to dress like that in public, as an adult (and 20 is definitely an adult for such purposes), she has decided that she is willing to expose herself to the lustful, admiring or jealous impulses of everyone she encounters!

It doesn’t matter how much older or less attractive women hate it, or try to shame men into suppressing their biological instincts, the vast majority of hetrosexual men - whether they are 20 or 80 - will find a young woman who has chosen to flaunt her body extremely attractive and will feel lust for her… young women know this, and dress like this anyway (at least those who choose to dress like that), knowing and even revelling in it.

As for the OP’s DH, he has merely responded to the woman in the way she invited…. He wasn’t intrusive, he didn’t intimidate her or make her feel uncomfortable (she was in his line of vision), and he certainly didn’t crudely proposition or inappropriately touch her! He was at fault in that he looked a little too long and wasn’t subtle enough so that the OP caught him… all whilst the young woman wasn’t adversely affected at all, and got kind of the attention she was inviting… In the grand scheme of things, he committed a pretty minor faux pas, and he’ll be more careful next time - no harm done unless the OP unduly escalates this out of jealousy.

I agree 100%.
Thank God I am older now. When I was younger I would often wear glasses with plain lenses, pull my hair back, wear a big coat, just so I could go about my business in peace.
I didn't realise it at the time, but it was often deliberate intimidation that gives some men a sense of power.
Age brings freedom from lecherous creeps.

He is an old man compared to the yound girl he is perving after.🙄

I find it amusing that you take issue with the word I use to describe a man old enough to be the father of young woman barely out of her teens blatantly slavering over her, and not the action of the man.

Eye-fucking is very accurate; having read and heard men talk about it, he's almost certainly thinking 'yeah I'd like to fuck that', not something so adorably mild as 'she's sexy', and even thinking 'she's sexy' is leching and objectifying – AKA eye-fucking.

I dont have an issue with age gaps, as someone who likes older men (as I said), but 20 and 50s is disgusting on the part of the older person. Generally, I think if the gap is bigger than half your age plus seven, the power differential and life stages are too different.

Found the man 😂

Exactly, it’s relative. So many excuses on here for creepy, weird men. If you are with a man who does this, because there are plenty who aren’t, then you need to rethink the relationship as you will always feel insecure as you age. I would never be with a man who didn’t feel fatherly towards younger women as I feel motherly to young men.

Nobody in real life particularly cares.
If she's 20, she's a young woman, not a girl or child.

There is such an obvious difference between a 12-year-old girl and a 20-year-old young woman that I find the nasty hints and accusations here about the p word wholly unwarranted.

People may think well that's one hell of an age gap, bitchily muse he must have money, women of his own age may be annoyed he's not picked them, other men may be envious etc but nobody in their right mind thinks that he's the p word. Nobody.

And you're not convincing me on the eye-f*ing thing.

You must have a very low opinion on men to think this.

I occasionally catch my dh having a quick glance at an attractive woman.
(BTW he tends to like older women as a rule so it's always them I see him looking at) I don't for one minute think he's eye-f*ing them, just thinking, 'wow she's hot.'

I joke about it. It's no big deal. He tries to be discreet.

I’m guessing there’s a tension in older men. Yes, decent ones will be fatherly… but that doesn’t remove their biological instinct! You can pretend “good” men don’t find young women sexually attractive, but you’re deluding yourself.

Erm, no! 🤷‍♀️

Just because I haven’t gone down the line of “all men are pigs for finding young women attractive” doesn’t mean I’m a man!

What have I said that’s actually wrong in my post? Ad hominem attacks (such as yours) tend to be because there’s nothing wrong with the content of what’s being posted, just that the respondent (you) doesn’t like the truth!

Nobody in real life particularly cares.
If she's 20, she's a young woman, not a girl or child.

There is such an obvious difference between a 12-year-old girl and a 20-year-old young woman that I find the nasty hints and accusations here about the p word wholly unwarranted.

People may think well that's one hell of an age gap, bitchily muse he must have money, women of his own age may be annoyed he's not picked them, other men may be envious etc but nobody in their right mind thinks that he's the p word. Nobody.

And you're not convincing me on the eye-f*ing thing.

You must have a very low opinion on men to think this.

I occasionally catch my dh having a quick glance at an attractive woman.
(BTW he tends to like older women as a rule so it's always them I see him looking at) I don't for one minute think he's eye-f*ing them, just thinking, 'wow she's hot.'

I joke about it. It's no big deal. He tries to be discreet.

'Eye-fucking' just means he was blatantly, crudely leching – its not about whether or not she notices. And he was. He turned his head to watch her go past, so he could soak up every little bit of her body for his visual pleasure, and keep her in his eyeline for as long as possible. It's pathetic, and disgusting.

Noticing is fine, but ogling is gross.

I really can't imagine feeling this angry about something so inconsequential. It sounds incredibly unhealthy.

@OtterlyAstounding

even thinking 'she's sexy' is leching and objectifying – AKA eye-fucking.

That’s one ridiculous leap to the extreme… A bit like saying wanting a sip wine means you’re a raging alcoholic!

No, I do agree, I don't think it's a sign of paedophilia, but I haven't said I did.

I've made it quite clear, I think, that 'eye-fucking' is very much like ogling - it's not a quick glance, or noticing someone passing through your vision, it's a blatant and prolonged lecherous stare. Men will at times leer very blatantly, in an almost predatory way that sometimes seems intended to be seen. It's quite unpleasant. And as I said, I've seen men talk about what they're thinking when they stare at a woman, and it's often crass.

I hope your husband isn't making other women uncomfortable.

I really can't imagine feeling this angry about something so inconsequential. It sounds incredibly unhealthy.

You really are a weird mix of prudishness and crudeness.

Prudish because you class a glance at an attractive person as a terrible sin.

(Save your passive aggression about making women uncomfortable.)

Crude as heck for assuming that a man looking at an attractive woman is automatically eye-f*ing her instead of thinking, 'she's nice.'