to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

You mean between wanting to cheat with someone else and actually physically doing it?

They are both betrayals.

I would've considered him an old man when I was that age, and I liked older men...but not men older than my actual father. Unless he's as attractive as Brad Pitt at 51, I think most 20-year-olds will consider him an old man, no matter how physically fit he is.

I'd be astounded if after almost 30 years together if he'd never eyed up/thought about another woman.
The important thing is we love each other and are in a committed relationship.

I'd be astounded if after almost 30 years together if he'd never eyed up/thought about another woman.
The important thing is we love each other and are in a committed relationship.

Get a life will you please? I haven't personally normalised anti-social behaviour... what a ridiculous claim. She was hot and wearing a tight dress. The man turned his head after she had walked by the table and kept watching as she went out the door - she didn't see him. He didn't realise she was so young, he also didn't realise his partner could see him.

Many times my partner has referred to me as 'head turner' if I'm wearing a mini skirt or whatever and I'm walking a bit away from him. I had no idea that any men's heads turned towards me as I had already walked by. It certainly didn't make me uncomfortable or creeped out. I'm not young anymore but it wouldn't have bothered me then. The only men who bothered me then were the dickheads who openly ogled, made prolongued eye contact or tried to engage in conversation. But OP's partner did none of this.

I would hate to see my partner doing this, it would make me feel shit. I would also hate to see him sitting on the toilet or old photos of him being intimate with his ex before we met but I know these things happened. It is very unfortunate that OP saw him but it's clear he thought she couldn't.

The OP feels hurt. I would too. But you and other posters are trying to convince her that she's with a wrong 'un.

I'm a bisexual woman and I'm actively choosing not to date men now, especially as I head closer to 40. I feel quite lucky I can opt out of having to deal with this perverted nonsense. I feel bad for straight women who have to put up with this.

Only if you're being really controlling. No one should seek to control somebody else's thoughts, even if they're in a relationship.

Some 20-year-olds maybe. In my eyes when I was that age, someone in their 50s was middle aged.

That's absurd. Of course she is not a perv. What is wrong with you people? To enjoy the appearance of an attractive young man, without making it obvious, awkward, or self-conscious, is a natural and healthy thing to do. You sound like you'd like everyone to go around with blinkers on, lest they inadvertently catch sight of a good-looking person and think "Hmm, tasty."

News flash as guy who spends half his time down the gym likes looking at other people.

You caught him out once in 8 years so either he is not wandering around slack jawed staring at the rest of humanity or your monitoring is lax.

Noticing someone as they walk through your field of vision is normal. An older person actually turning their head to keep looking at someone young enough to be their child, so they can continue eye-fucking them for as long as possible, is grotty, sleazy, and pathetic – oh, and pointless.

My DD is 20. The amount of attention she gets from old men is ridiculous. Creepy as....

Re-read what I said.

Noticing an attractive human as they walk through your line of vision isn't the same as having your head on a swivel and following them as they go.

I can notice and appreciate an attractive human passing by without slavering after them and trying to keep them in my vision as long as possible (why do people even do it? It's so obvious and sleazy).

If you can rein it in at any point, then it isn’t “programming”. It’s a choice.

Either way, most young women barely out of their teens don't want to fuck a man who's their father's age unless they have crippling daddy issues, or he's rich as sin. I would think you were an outlier.

I once dated a man who suffered from owl-swivel-head whenever a woman walked by. It is disrespectful to your partner. We all look. I spot gorgeous men but to stop and stare, turn your head and gawp, it's not on.

I binned mine and found a better one.

Disgusting. Perry middle aged bloke!!

I wonder how he would feel about an older man eying up his DD like that.

If it's true what you say and you've never seen him do this before and you've been together 8 years, then he could have been looking at her for any number of reasons. You don't know it was her body - could have been that she reminded him of someone, that he knows her, anything. He isn't automatically perving.

If he was, it's gross.

Your whole post is confusing though, because perving or not, his appearance just isn't related to his behaviour. Being fit yourself doesn't make you more likely to be a letch, and plenty of unfit men in their 50s perv over 20 year olds like they think they stand a chance. Why did you tell us what he looks like?

Also, you don't seem to like your husband very much.

I don't know if YABU or not because none of us know what was in his head when he was looking and you describe this as behaviour he's never shown before.

Why didn't you just ask him? I'd have asked my husband - did you know her or something? Why were you staring at her?

Gawd, men of all ages have been looking at attractive women since time immemorial. That's not the issue. The head swivelling is yuk though and disrespectful.

But it wasn't an isolated incident, this man is a pervert. It isn't "screaming LTB", it's not wanting to be married to an entitled letch who thinks women are their property to gawk at.

You’re married to a dirty old man . How grim .

Millions of years of evolution more like! Of course men will look at an attractive woman. As us women will look at a fit bloke. It's a meaningless spur of the moment instinct.

There is a difference between noticing someone in eyesight, thinking "wow they are pretty/well dressed/hot/good looking" and then immediately moving on with your day. That's not what your husband was doing. I also found that the time I was leered at and cat called the most was between 14-20 and took a massive dive in the decades since

If someone tells you not to be bothered, all men do this overt leering and visual tracking of "fertile young women" they have low standards for men and should be ignored

Your DH should strongly consider his role in this and not take it as an attack. If he does, he's in that group of men who are unwilling to learn or grow and correct their previous unpleasant behaviour towards young girls and women

Match his energy. Start looking at younger men.