to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

It's odd you think paedophilia is hilarious. You're a very strange person altogether.

It's a common tactic for those who want to minimise paedophilia to try to focus on definitions ACKSHUALLY.... Nah. Everyone knows what a nonce is love. Including you.

So anyway, yep if you're claiming a man who isn't attracted to "little girls" is gay or a liar, you're listening to paedophiles.

HTH.

Or, a third option, he's just not a gross lech – so even if he notices attractive women of any age, he's not blatant about it, and doesn’t ogle them, so no one would ever know he noticed in the first place.

I don't understand the point of blatant ogling. I get looked at all time by older men, and it's so pathetic. They're probably the sort who watch porn, so it's not like they can't look at naked/titillating women online whenever they like – what do they get out of ogling some ordinary woman just going about her day? I have to think the objectification is part of the fun.

No, I think YOU'RE hilarious with your strange claims to know exactly who I'm "married" to or "dating" even thought you have absolutely no idea who I am.
AND you need to improve your reading comprehension skills. I said "young" girls not "little" girls.
AND of course the definition of paedophilia is important. It's something totally different from the whole subject of this thread, which is about a grown man looking at a grown woman of around 20.

Hence why I said people learn to act 'decently'.

Let's not pretend that a lot of women aren't affronted by the fact that middle aged men still find young women attractive, irrespective of how said men conduct themselves. The truth is that young women are usually objectively more attractive than middle aged women.

I'm always a little bemused when women on here seem surprised that their husband finds them less attractive after they put on five stone. Yes, most people get squidgier with age and personality is also a big factor, but generally if a man finds obese women attractive he'll go for one in the first place.

The person I was quoting wasn't talking about ogling though. She was talking about men just looking at women they find attractive. Totally different. I get stared at by much older men all the time too, actually I'm used to being stared at by everyone, doesn't bother me at all, it's been happening all my life.

I used to see a guy who did this. It gave me an actual physical reaction, like an uncomfortable shudder. I trusted my gut!

I'll defo have a good look at a bloke's arse in the gym if we're talking two boiled eggs in a hanky type. That's what the mirrors are for. 🤣

Looking to the point that other people notice it for what it is, is ogling, and unnecessary.

I've literally overheard men joking that this is what sunglasses are for.

I don't think they were actually joking tbf. True words spoken in jest etc.

I am not affronted by any facts, including that older women and women of all ages notice and appreciate hot men and that women find fat men a lot less attractive than ones in reasonable shape.

I am revolted and disgusted by leery, pervy creeps, of either sex, though most of them are men.

It's never difficult not to slobber and perve, no matter your age or sex and it is anti social, disrespectful, pathetic and repulsive to do so.

He's 11 years older than you, he is clearly into "younger women". The older they get, the grosser it is.

He is an old man compared to the yound girl he is perving after.🙄

I would hate if I caught DH doing that. I’d be disgusted. We have a 17 year old daughter.

Absolutely. And frankly, while I'm glad my DH isn't the sort to eye up other women, I don't take offence to people of either sex noticing and appreciating an attractive stranger - it's when it becomes a stare that's obvious enough to be noticed (either because they turn their head on a swivel, or they show the leer in their expression) that I think it becomes distasteful. Gross.

Yeah, that’s extremely grim behaviour. As a younger woman, I was repulsed by men who subjected me to this sort of behaviour and had nothing but contempt for them. It happened to me almost every day of my life (and often multiple times a day) for at least fifteen years.

Young women can be subjected to this many times a day in many forms - leering, comments, horn beeping etc. I remember one old man absolutely terrifying me when he sped past on his motorbike, threw his arms in the air, and (literally) screamed a sexual comment at me - I was fourteen.

It’s vile behaviour. There’s a huge difference between noticing someone yet choosing to respect their humanity by not leering, and leering. Embarrassingly for your husband, to a twenty year old woman, a man in his fifties will almost certainly seem unfathomably old. At best, she will likely be repulsed. At worst, she will be intimidated, especially as you mention your husband’s strong physique.

Behaviour like that of your husband affects the way women go about their day to day lives. It affects the space they feel able to take up in the world. It’s a fundamental violation of their right to feel safe in society. Please show your husband this comment. He needs to do better.

I bet the women at the gym think he’s a letch. Yuck!!

This says it all.

It’s even worse that he has a teen DD, have you asked him how he’d feel if she was the girl in the coffee shop and it was one of his mates ogling her?!

It's human nature he's hardly going to look at a 80 yr old granny shuffling along is he?

Exactly of course they are attracted by something younger and prettier. We all are. It's human nature.
Dosent matter whether men have got daughters or not.

This. So well put. Men absolutely can and do control themselves when there are consequences. It's not just his poor wife who's repulsed by his ogling, leering and perving, it's a lot of women, all the young women in the room felt uncomfortable and disgusted and all the older ones were angry and/or disgusted (and if not all then most).

It also models shit, gross behaviour to young men.

It's not just shitty for his poor wife and any woman who's there, it's breaking the social contract and I do not care if anyone pretends that's an over the top response. It's not.

She has the right to go about her day without feeling creeped out and leered over, every woman in the vicinity has the right not to feel repulsed or upset by a behaviour it is incredibly easy for him to control, and his wife has a right to feel respected. He's completely in the wrong and so is anybody defending him.

We all look. Both sexes. All ages. We can all be discreet, and most of the time we are.

Makes you wonder what else he gets up to if he's so gross in a coffee shop.

I'd echo everything@UnintentionalArchersays.
I once observed my (now ex) H staring at girls at a Secondary school we'd gone to visit. I nudged him & told him to stop. Later upon my querying it he said that their skirts were 'so much shorter than when he was at school'. I'd noticed too, but looked away quickly - he very much didn't - revolting. Sadly our 19 y/o Dd recently said she'd been in a shop with a friend, bumped into her Dad & he was 'superfriendly' to her pal. Dd was really uncomfortable. Men like this don't change.

I think there's a difference between noticing how youthful and beautiful someone is, and being attracted to them, though.

Both my DH and I can notice and admire a person in their early twenties on an aesthetic level (on the telly or something), but neither of us would be attracted to them in terms of being interested in having sex with them, because they're just babies who are hardly older than our eldest, and imo, it should be weird and off-putting to think of shagging someone who's closer in age to your children than yourself.

I do agree with that - but even if they are attracted, it's just incredibly easy to be discreet. If he behaves so obviously and creepily when out and about with the OP, his entitlement is off the scale. He must be absolutely repellent at the gym.

Absolutely. I think that many men who are blatant enough for their ogling to be noticed want to be seen - it's part of the thrill, for them. They like the sense of dominance it gives them. Because it's just so easy to be discreet, as you say.
He's probably known at the gym amongst the younger women, as the old perv who blatantly slobbers, and who still thinks he could pull them. Yuck.