DH blames me for DDs behaviour

Yes but reading other OP posts OP mentions meltdowns and other inflexibility around DD - so I was responding to that not simply the original post.

It is interesting that your husband is getting tested for ASD. As a society we are generally tolerant and accommodating of children with ASD but somehow this disappears when they are grownups. If your husband is ASD he may well have have sensory issues meaning a screaming child is harder for him to cope with than you.

You both need to sit down and properly discuss how to manage this. It is not normal behaviour for an NT 6 year old so she may well be ND. So the problem and solutions need to be seen through the lens of both being possibly ND.

So you just made up a scenario in your own head and gave the OP advice on that made up scenario rather than actually responding to the actual OP?
Name one child in the history of children that hasn't reacted badly to dissappointment at some point previously?
The OP handled this perfectly the child responded remarkably well to the change in routine so I really don't think she needs any of your advice.

Oh ffs she didn't scream at anyone. Why would they be sitting down to discuss anything when the child did absolutely nothing wrong

It's his interpretation that that's why she was less than chatty. She's also objectively done nothing other than been a bit quiet.
Kids have all sorts going on internally. One of the things you learnt as a parent is a lot of it is not personal.
Some of these responses sound like they come from the villain in a children's book!!.

Some weird judgy responses here OP. I'm more in your husband's position - he's the louder and chattier person of us two and the kids are chattier with him than with me.

I do think that he has sometimes tried to 'weaponize' his livelier interactions with the kids when we had conflicts between us and that he has actively interfered in my interactions with them, which is shit.

Never, ever have I requested of my husband that he order the kids to interact differently with me. I have requested that he stop talking over me himself and not pretend all is fine if they are actively rude to me, but I bloody well take responsibility for looking after my relationships with my children myself. I think your husband should, too.

I agree her husband seems immature.

It wasn’t a meltdown, that was the terminology OP used.

Agree … sounds like this is the actual issue. Why did he have to be the “bearer of bad news” in the first place?!?

Isn’t that why he had to tell her you were unavailable in the first place? So she didn’t have another “meltdown”?

Does DH have a meltdown if you don’t tell him then?
You said in your OP that he had to tell her to avoid a meltdown like last time …. not that he was telling her out of common courtesy.

England isn’t the only place in the world you know. Or even the UK 🙄. Scottish schools went back three weeks ago.

God what a massive baby he is.

Most of Scotland doesn't have the Bank holiday -obv banks and UK mainly financial orgs are off but its business as usual here.
England had heatwaves Scotland not so much, just pleasant weather but English media don't cover any of that!

Not in Scotland

Yes, I thought it strange that a child was in school on Bank Holiday Monday!! Do you reckon someone’s doing research for a novel?

Bloody hell for not knowing all the bank holidays for each of the UK countries

All my children where at school and I am in the uk

She then appeared and doted attention.

After getting dad to kill the mood on the way home from school saying she wouldn’t be available. Which apparently has to be done to avoid child making a fuss and disturbing call.

How nice

That's a leap. She told the child via DH she couldn't be there when the child arrived home as she was on a call but she came down once her call was over.... and you think this is "backtracking"? Do you even understand the word?

I’ll be honest, I’ve only read to the end of page 1, but the number of people saying a 6 year old should be fine with mum not coming down as she usually would - why? Why should she be fine with a change to the routine, ND or otherwise? She is 6, not 16, not even 10 - she is a young child, who is more content when she is aware of things will not be as she expects.

She may be ND, she may not, but regardless she’s allowed to be frustrated/upset when things are not as they usually are. If the OP had said her 6 year old had a tantrum when things were not as she expected, the obvious solution would be to let her know things would be different (is possible), whilst building on resilience to change at an age-appropriate level.

I find more and more we expect things of young children that are not developmentally appropriate…usually because people think children should be mini-adults…it’s sad, really.

OP, if your husband could be ND, he may need help formulating scripts for certain interactions that seem to provoke responses he seems disrespectful - so things like, as someone said, asking what the funniest/happiest/silliest/most annoying thing that happened that day was. After a snack, obviously. A bank of scripts and talking through ‘flash points’ may help him (ND adults need support too) - basically, support to manage situations and behaviours without resorting to you to deal with it, as he’ll have no clue when she’s a teenager otherwise, and she will have little respect for him.

That’s a lovely routine.

It sounds like your DH is responding almost child to child and you are almost facilitator between them - like you would be for siblings. He’s taking her behaviour unnecessarily personally.

If she doesn’t want to talk to him my question is why? Does he listen to her or lecture her? Is he playful with her or serious? Does he do things with her? Is he thinking about what her behaviour communicates and what she might need or does he just see it as just naughty?

Basically, we are wired to prefer our mothers. From birth we know their voice and smell and attune to it. Other adults can absolutely become the key attachment figure but they have to work harder at it. I’m wondering if he needs to work on their relationship a bit.

So your husband usually collects her & all that was different about today was that you couldn't come down immediately that she got home?

So what is she usually like with him when he collects?

Is this the first time she hasn't answered as he would have wished?

By you doingvthe talking to her you are reinforcing the idea that you are the only person she will talk to. Becoming default carer.
Your DH needs to learn how to navigate these situations and respond appropriately.
It would build a better relationship and respect if he talks to your DD about how he feels when she is unkind to him and reinforce how we should be kind to everyone.

Some of the responses on this thread are batshit, and I don’t mean the OP’s.

@Plastictreesofgold here’s a flogger - it’s what you deserve for being the shittest parent in the history of parenting 😂