AIBU not to pay for my sister’s younger children’s hobbies?

Horse riding?

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It would be a hard no from me. How long would she be expecting you to pay for it, it could be something they do well into their teens so would be a considerable amount of money.
I agree that your sister shouldn’t have had any more children if she couldn’t afford to do what she wanted for them and wasn’t prepared to change the hobbies to something that she could afford.

Given your updates - horse riding FFS - absolutely do not pay. I thought it was going to be piano lessons or something.

But the money would go to the parents in that case. Stick to presents.

She was a single mum previously, she has a partner now .Dont pay !

When did all these expectations start? i mean in general We never had all this growing up in the 80s. I dont remember anyone else at school doing it either.

@SheGood i think it was lovely of you to do it for her elder children. She is no longer a single parent. She has a partner. They both should be stepping up to pay for this if they want it for THEIR kids

Her children - her responsibility. Ignore your mum or tell her to pay.

I’d tell DSis that I’d give £50 per child at both Christmas and birthdays, and your mother can contribute too (seeing as she’s so keen and is the grandparent), and DSis/her husband can top up the rest (you know…the parents). And maybe the father’s parents and siblings can contribute too.

Absolutely not. It was a different era, it was for the cousins to play together. She was a single mother not prepared for her marriage falling apart before she had had her first children. You very kindly stepped in. However, now she has a new partner, they don’t earn a lot but they still went ahead to have children.
They must learn to cut their cloth according to your coat.

She could ask her older children to help their younger siblings have the same advantages as they had in their hobbies.
Horse riding must be one of the expensive ones they could choose, Lessons, clothes, equipment, it will not stop.

Exactly.
It’s easy to spend other people’s money, which is what your mum and sister are doing.
Your sister and partner had two children knowing that they couldn’t afford to give them the same opportunities that the older ones had.

This thread is full of posters saying that of course they would pay for their nieces and nephews hobbies and they would definitely buy them each their own ponies because that's just the sort of lovely generous people they are. Obviously, they are talking complete bollocks and are just trying to make you feel bad.

Those are really expensive hobbies and you are absolutely right to say no. Your sister and your mum are really cheeky.

I suggested a modest monthly budget, now I've seen the hobbies I take it back Op, there is no such thing as modest sums of money when it comes to horse riding, paying for your DC and her older DC must have added up to a substantial sum of money over the years. Tell your DSis there are much cheaper hobbies available for her second family, it's not horse riding and dance or nothing.
If your DSis and her DP are happy to work low paying jobs then that's fine but you don't get to have beer money and champagne tastes

Your sister sounds pathetic and grasping. Please don’t capitulate to this cheeky fuckery. And tell your mother she can either stump up or butt out.

Horse riding AND dance? Fuck me sideways, no. That’s really cheeky. Does she expect you to take them as well? Just say that the circumstances are different - her younger children have two parents and can make their own arrangements re. hobbies and activities. If you’re feeling generous you can offer to make a contribution equal to what you would have spent on Christmas and birthday presents for them (and perhaps their parents’ presents). It would save you having to think what to buy them.

Horse riding and dance are hugely expensive. My friend paid more than her mortgage to the dance school each month as she had 3 girls dancing.
There are affordable hobbies like brownies.
Save your money for your own dc or grandchildren if you have them.

I agree that you treat all of the children the same. So, if you were taking four kids horse riding, you wouldn’t leave one at home. This doesn’t apply if there are twenty years (or thereabouts) between one set of kids and the next. Seems weird that your past generosity has left you with an obligation to pay for her children so she can just allocate them hobbies she can’t afford. Bloody cheek

It is very well saying ‘well if I could afford to I would’ but OP will have so many more life expenses to pay for. She needs to save her money. Her own children would benefit with help when they are trying to Marry/ by a home/have children.

I wonder if the mother of both OP and the sister was really exacting about making everything “fair” when they were kids, and now that their adult choices have resulted in them having different things/levels of wealth, she still wants to try an even things out? Is that where the sister’s cheeky attitude comes from, and the mum sticking her oar in to try and make the OP pay?

I agree, @SheGood , horse riding is so expensive that that on its own is a really cheeky thing to ask. Asking for dance as well pushes it into an outrageous realm of CFery!!

Absolutely no way should you be paying for another 2 children to do these activities. You were kind enough to help her older children do them. She should have thought about what opportunities she could huve her children before she had more not after.

I think those of us who said we would pay were thinking £20-£30 a month for football or swimming.

Even our local council swimming is £45 a month.

Work out how many thousand pounds she is actually asking for, and then tell that amount to your mother to explain why the answer is "no". The riding lessons are about £100 a week for one lesson each for two children, at the moment, and dancing lessons probably ten quid a week each for the actual class, but then you have to add in all the extras like uniform and shoes and exam entry and their parents going to the kiddies' show. Do that for one year's worth, and then add up how much it would cost you for ten years sponsorship of your sister's ambitions.

I reckon the riding would be a minimum of £6000 pa, allowing for extras like a hard hat each and decent riding boots and trousers, and dance a mere £1300 to £1400 pa. Maybe the deadbeat parents would pay for the clothes!

Ours was £27 a month when my children went although it was 8 years ago so I guess everything has gone up a lot since then.

I cannot believe your sister has the brass neck to ask you to pay for her other children. She should be told to back off and be grateful her older children were paid for and not greedily ask for more money. The absolute CF. The only reason you paid for her older ones was because they attended the hobbies with your children. If she can't support her children without
financial input from you, she should never had had 2 more. She and her partner are responsible for paying for any hobbies their children may have. If your mum thinks you should pay for them then I am afraid, she is as bad and completely unreasonable. Let her pay for them, they are, after all her Grandchildren.

My goodness…. Those are expensive hobbies. Absolutely not. You aren’t responsible for her children. She chose to have more children and so she can pay for them. Your money is your money. Please make sure you stand up for yourself and say no and if you have spare money please spend it on yourself and your family!