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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not to pay for my sister’s younger children’s hobbies?

547 replies

SheGood · 30/08/2026 22:54

Me and my sister had both of our children within months of each other. My sister was younger than me, ended up being a single mum and wasn’t very well off, so we used to pay for her children to do the same hobbies as our children as the they liked being together and my sister wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. Her children stopped doing the hobbies at about 13 as they lost interest. All of the children are now young adults either at uni or working.

My sister has gone on to have 2 children with a new partner who are 3 and 4. She wants them to do the same hobbies as the older children did but can’t afford it. She sent a text today and asked us to pay like we did for her other children. I feel like there is an expectation we do it and my mum has said that we can’t really not do it for the younger children when we did it for the older ones. We can afford it but I feel angry at the expectation. My mum can’t afford to pay as I would tell her to.

We did it for the older ones because it meant our children could do the hobbies with their cousins. If our children weren’t doing it, we wouldn’t have paid. I can understand the argument of doing the same for all of them in a way but there are years between them and the situation isn’t the same.

Are we being unreasonable if we say we are not paying? My sister and partner both work but in low paid jobs. My sister has always struggled financially but I can’t help think having another 2 children was irresponsible if they can’t pay for what they want for them. It’s very obvious that we are better off due to what we have but I feel they look at us and think we should pay just because we are better off. My husband think she’s cheeky but doesn’t care if we pay or not.

OP posts:
LilytheThink · 31/08/2026 19:11

And if you agree to pay for the hobbies, what happens when they want to go on a school holiday or similar and their parents can’t afford it?! Guess who will be in target line?!

TheBlueKoala · 31/08/2026 19:12

@SheGood You should have mentioned it was horse riding in your OP- that's very expensive! How entitled of her! Very few can afford horse riding unless they live rurally where prices tend to be lower.

They will just have to pick a hobby their parents can afford.

treacledan71 · 31/08/2026 19:17

What if they carry on doing it for years cost you a bomb.

Rpop · 31/08/2026 19:22

RosasDanceRosas · 30/08/2026 22:59

Of course you shouldn’t pay. Just say that. It’s a pretty cheeky request.

This is it. The request is cheeky.

its one thing if you offered to pay for the latest two children as a gesture. But it’s not right for her to ask, in my opinion. Hobbies are a nice to have. The problem is, where will it end.

it just seems cheeky and not quite right.

HappyWelsh · 31/08/2026 19:23

Please do not do this! So bloody cheeky, your mum too! Tell her that you paid previously as your children were in said hobby together and she was a single parent, now, neither of those things are true so find it themselves! It’s wild how entitled some people really are😳

KmcK87 · 31/08/2026 19:25

UnbeatenMum · 31/08/2026 19:00

I think those of us who said we would pay were thinking £20-£30 a month for football or swimming.

£20-30 a month for football or swimming? I paid £50 for swimming and currently pay £60 for football. That’s not including the added expenses of fuel for travelling every weekend, boots, shin guards etc. I think the days of any hobbies or sports being that price are long gone.

TheJoyousHiker · 31/08/2026 19:25

You’re right not to pay. She was a single mum when you paid for the older two, she has a partner now,

Rpop · 31/08/2026 19:28

SheGood · 31/08/2026 18:17

It’s easy to say when you can’t though and are just imagining that you would. When there is an expectation that you pay just because you have more money, you can feel used. I feel that way anyway.

We wouldn’t miss the money as such but it is money we could use for our own children. We would have liked more children but chose not to so that we could give the two we had more. My sister could have made different choices, not had more children and concentrated on her career like we have.

I totally get this and I think this sounds very reasonable. You were kind to pay all of those years ago.

Shinyandnew1 · 31/08/2026 19:30

Horse riding can get stupidly expensive, as can dancing, tbh!

If you have four children and are struggling for money, your kids can do cheap clubs that schools run!

Scout2016 · 31/08/2026 19:32

This is a ridiculously big request.

Is she expecting you to pay for 10 years again? What if these kids don't stop at 13, do you pay indefinitely?

What if they don't like horse riding and dance and want to do ice skating and judo instead, who pays? Or they keep swapping activities like lots of kids do?

I can't believe she has asked and your mum agreed. Tell your mum she can chip in and if they can't afford it between 2 parents and a grandparent it's not happening. If I'd had such a lot of help I'd be thinking of ways to pay it back, not asking for more.

UnbeatenMum · 31/08/2026 19:33

KmcK87 · 31/08/2026 19:25

£20-30 a month for football or swimming? I paid £50 for swimming and currently pay £60 for football. That’s not including the added expenses of fuel for travelling every weekend, boots, shin guards etc. I think the days of any hobbies or sports being that price are long gone.

After school football at DS's school is under £30 a month (£7 per session). I believe things like Scouting and Guiding are also low cost, although I do accept I'm wrong about swimming.

SheGood · 31/08/2026 19:38

TheBlueKoala · 31/08/2026 19:12

@SheGood You should have mentioned it was horse riding in your OP- that's very expensive! How entitled of her! Very few can afford horse riding unless they live rurally where prices tend to be lower.

They will just have to pick a hobby their parents can afford.

I don’t think it matters really. It’s the principle. I wouldn’t like the expectation that I pay even a small amount per month.

OP posts:
OneNewEagle · 31/08/2026 19:40

She should have thought about her financial situation before having a second younger family. It’s up to her and their dad to pay.

Philandbill · 31/08/2026 19:41

it is money we could use for our own children. We would have liked more children but chose not to so that we could give the two we had more. My sister could have made different choices, not had more children and concentrated on her career like we have.
This is your answer (but maybe not the career bit to her). She's being a real CF here. And dance and horse riding are so expensive. I firmly steered both my DD away from dance and riding due to the cost. And like you we stuck at 2 children so that we'd have money to support them through university - very expensive! If there is spare money I'd be adding to a pension fund/ putting some aside to support DC with a house deposit/ having a nice holiday/ paying off my own mortgage. Stand your ground OP, she'll just continue if you don't.

Niccinuuxx · 31/08/2026 19:43

Goodness, how long is this going to go on for? Her grandchildren? Give a christmas or birthday present contribution as others have suggested. There should be enough family members on her partners side to have a whip round to contribute. Has her partner got no shame either asking you and your dh for a handout for his children?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 31/08/2026 19:45

OttersOnAPlane · 30/08/2026 23:13

If your mum's that bothered, she can pay.

THIS. It's very easy to have an opinion about someone else's money...

noodlebugz · 31/08/2026 19:45

I think she is being a CF.
That being said for me it’d be sad for the kids if they didn’t get to do any hobbies so personally I’d go back to her and say I’ve found rainbows and a gymnastics class that I’m prepared to cover rather than 2 hobbies that’ll run into hundreds of pounds a month. She can then take it or leave it. She can’t have champagne taste on a beer budget.

88776555xxz · 31/08/2026 19:48

SheGood · 31/08/2026 19:38

I don’t think it matters really. It’s the principle. I wouldn’t like the expectation that I pay even a small amount per month.

100% agree

It could be £10 for football club, or £200 for horse riding and dance - it doesn't matter. it is YOUR hard-earned money and YOU decide what to spend it on.

Shinyandnew1 · 31/08/2026 19:48

SheGood · 31/08/2026 17:26

It’s horse riding and dance. I could give money for Xmas and birthdays instead of what I usually buy but that wouldn’t be anywhere near enough to cover the costs involved. I’m going to tell her I won’t be paying.

Good for you-I hope the news is received wth good grace.

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/08/2026 19:48

noodlebugz · 31/08/2026 19:45

I think she is being a CF.
That being said for me it’d be sad for the kids if they didn’t get to do any hobbies so personally I’d go back to her and say I’ve found rainbows and a gymnastics class that I’m prepared to cover rather than 2 hobbies that’ll run into hundreds of pounds a month. She can then take it or leave it. She can’t have champagne taste on a beer budget.

Edited

and if one or both children are excellent at gymnastics and go to an elite level? ££££££££

and OP's sister would be there with her hands out, demanding even more.

Where does it end?

thenightsky · 31/08/2026 19:48

Is she expecting you to pay for 10 years again? What if these kids don't stop at 13, do you pay indefinitely?

Exactly. If they don't lose interest like the first two kids, are you paying into adulthood, buying them their own horses?

Pineapplesonpizza · 31/08/2026 19:49

SheGood · 31/08/2026 19:38

I don’t think it matters really. It’s the principle. I wouldn’t like the expectation that I pay even a small amount per month.

I actually think the choice and cost of hobby matters quite a bit. If it were, say, swimming - which is a lifelong skill and important for safety, and not usually very expensive, I'd have been much more likely to consider covering it than for riding lessons. Not that you have any obligation whatsoever to pay for any of your niece/nephew's hobbies, of course.

Cleansweeper · 31/08/2026 19:53

Your sister should be grateful you've been so generous to her older dc. Rather than demanding you paying for the younger ones!
Entitlement ruins all good things.

Henhipster · 31/08/2026 19:54

SheGood · 30/08/2026 23:11

I’m relieved to read that so far no one thinks we should pay. I thought we might be seen as in the wrong for not treating all of the children the same. My mum said we should treat them all the same which means paying and she is usually sensible.

You’re absolutely right not to pay , I think your husband is being supportive to you by saying he doesn’t mind either way but your Mum is being unreasonable.
Honestly, what a shame you’re having this dilemma after being such a generous and decent soul, you don’t deserve be to be taken advantage of. Hold out!

MyDpsanarse · 31/08/2026 19:55

Well if you don't want to pay then don't. Just tell your DSis No and have done with it Op.