AIBU not to pay for my sister’s younger children’s hobbies?

@Newname26 I think it's more likely to be a gift from their parents or grandparents though, not an Auntie who has her own children.

Mine have never received gifts like this from extended family, if they wanted to do an activity, we either paid for it or they didn't do it.

And what happens when they absolutely LOVE it and are desperate to carry on and mum says we can’t afford it sorry? I think when kids get a block of lessons it is usually as a trial to see if they want to carry on, so OP would be scuppered

I was a kid who wanted to ride, a pony trek on holiday was as much as I'd get if I was lucky.
The thought of weekly lessons was never an option. I never properly learned to ride until I was an adult earning my own money.

If kid wants to carry on you tell them No.

All that will do is cause more issues for OP. I can hear her sister now.

''But Jessica loves her riding lessons''
''She's going to be so upset''
''It's going to be such a shame when she has her last lesson''
''It's only fair if you carry it on like you did with the older DC's''.

She needs to draw a very firm line under it. No. That's it.

I'm very relieved on your behalf that you're going to stand firm, put your foot down, and tell your sister no. I can't believe her entitlement and audacity, or your mum's enabling of it!

Your money is YOURS. It's not a communal pot to faciliate your sister's whims and wishes. I'd also shut down any future conversations about money and guard your financial information with your life. The less your family know, the better.

Please update us when you've spoken to your sister. I'm hoping she respects your answer and doesn't push back but she seems cheeky af so may not. Good luck, I hope there's no drama!

Maybe spell out to dsis if you could afford riding fpr 4 dc you would have had 4 dc.

She chose to have 2 more dc.

Not yours to raise.

Your mum sounds bonkers tbf. You can just say no. If you must have an excuse just say your financial situation isn’t the same now.

They are bloody cheeky obviously! If you and DH want to do in place birthday and Christmas presents then you are kind to the kids…

The OP did pay for four didn't she?

The expectation is galling and she's rude.

Having said that, I'd be happy to pay for my nieces/nephews if I could easily afford to. I'd probably have offered if I knew my sister was hard up.

I think the poster is referring to OP saying she chose to not have more than two dc so she could afford to give her existing two kids everything she wanted to (presumably things like

private school).

Not forgetting that this year's thousands will be next year's thousands plus inflation. For how long would you continue to pay for them to go horse riding and to dance classes? Five years? Ten? Would you find yourself hoping they might lose interest soon, like their much-older siblings?

Those are some good examples of charities but you have cherry picked. There are other charities too, which are also valid, like supporting women back into the workplace with suitable interview/professional clothes. Or supporting refugees with bus travel / English skills, offering to read to or care for frail people. I do agree that the hobbies in question are a luxury. I wasn't arguing it from the perspective of it being a basic human right. No one was. In fact, the first thing I said was that it gives you a leg up and helps with conversations and networking in the right social circles.

It's the same reason people send their children to private schools - the education isn't always better, but it's the access to a different lifestyle / social group that matters. If you can help them: why wouldn't you, is the point.

I also argued not to say no just because the sister dared to ask. That isn't a good enough reason as it punishes the kids. If the OP wants to say no because she just doesn't want to pay: that's totally understandable.

It's a very strange family dynamic if your mum and sister think you should financially support your sister's children. I'd have shut this down at the very start of these shenanigans.

She paid for 4 which was very generous.
But everyone's inc Op budget has to stop somewhere.

One way to look at is they family planned so her two could get lots of activities until the end of primary, with spare cash for the cousins.

Then money was reallocated to private schooling and uni.

So sorry sis no spare cash, whomp whomp as my son would say.

Awkwardisfunny
it gives you a leg up and helps with conversations and networking in the right social circles.
It's the same reason people send their children to private schools - the education isn't always better, but it's the access to a different lifestyle / social group that matters.

Oh, give over. Networking at three? Fishcakes.

As for not saying no because the sister asked: don't you mean because the mother tried to insist? Extorted giving is not giving and accrues no merit of any kind for anyone involved; it is surrendering to threats for a quiet life. Danegeld.

Cherry-picking charities? Yes, the ones I CHOSE, not that someone arbitrarily said I had to support. I'm sure you can understand the difference. Now choose just one out of the ones you chose, ignore all the others and give that one a few thousand a year. Sensible, isn't it. Or better yet, allocate the money you might otherwise have had available to give to the charities to a single not particularly deserving individual who has demanded it of you to spend on luxuries; that's even more sensible.

You have said several times that it 'punishes' the DC but still haven't explained how when they are 4 & 3 and will be none the wiser?

Said as if saying no needs to be justified, and that the reason for saying no actually matters. OP doesn’t need a reason to say no, let alone one you deem to be good. No means no. It doesn’t need to be qualified.

No one is punishing the kids, and I’m not sure why you’re insisting on pushing that narrative. Nothing is being taken away from them, and they are not being denied anything the would otherwise have access to. They’re just not getting something that was never on offer in the first place.

😂 NO WAY. tell them all to piss off

Did your sister accept your decision with grace @SheGood?

Please give us an update, how did your family react?

Your mum isn’t sensible if she’s in cahoots with your sister expecting you to pay for uni though is she, you shut that down quickly. You should tell your sister that when your children were young they wanted their cousin to go with them you paid for her children. She was a single parent so circumstances were different and you chose not to have any more children because you wouldn’t have been able to afford to treat them the same as you two you had. She has a partner and had more children but you don’t owe them anything, you’re paying out for your children to go to uni yourself and can’t afford it.