AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

You talk about forcing her into a swimsuit but why don’t you just tell her this is what we wear when we go swimming.

I don’t thinks there’s a risk per se at 4, but if 4yo can be topless then why not older? How about 6/8/10yo. At what age does it becomes awkward, risky, inappropriate? It’s just easier to say girls wear a swimsuit than ask staff to apply that judgement.

The appropriate age is when the girl wants to cover up.

All of mine have zips up the front. Feet in like shorts zip and viola. Both my girls could do this no problem, my 3 year old puts it on and off herself. They are handy, much better than the standard ones. Just a thought if they require you have one.

The company running the pool seem to disagree on that one?.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5555136-aibu-to-think-a-toddler-should-not-need-to-cover-their-top-at-a-swimming-pool?page=5&reply=154508826

Not really, just on what they allow.

Fair enough, but they must have reasoning for that at some level in the company structure?

In some cases that’s definitely true, but all kids, like adults, are different, and what some of us find comfortable others don’t. If a small child is comfortable swimming in pants, let them. It’s neither causing harm nor preventing it.

I read the Ts&Cs and the guidance of the company running the pool, and there's nothing at all about what children should wear in the pool (apart from something about swim nappies).

So poolside employees shouldn"t be enforcing dress code? Maybe just say to them "There is nothing in your T&C that mentions dress code for swimming, can you give me more details on why you are asking please?" If they get nippy just ask for their name so you can link them in when you contact head office, that should get a response/reaction one way or the other?

It's not a risk of contact but unfortunately it does allow any possibly pedo to see what she looks like topless, which they will probably be happy about. And if they have recording glasses or similar it's even worse.

I don't think wearing a rash guard or suit impacts their innocence.

but then surely boys should have to cover up too?

My DDs always just wore bikini bottoms until about 6/7. I’m half European and it’s the norm, as you say they are the same as boys chests at that age. My youngest once wore her brothers trunks as he was refusing to get in for his lesson so she took his place at about 3 years old!

I don’t take my boy or my girl swimming with no top. They both have shorts and a rash vest. It’s not for any particular reason but I don’t let the boy go around topless- it’s just how I feel. I don’t think you did anything wrong. All children are more covered at pools and on the beach that we were when we were little though.

Another one that can't read.

"Not that they wouldn't anyway but this just makes it worse."

Yes, make your child even more of a target by allowing them to run around topless, let alone in a swimsuit.

Nobody was pretending a bikini or swimsuit keeps them safe. It's just that even those with the most basic common sense understand that if a paedophile is looking at your child, they'd rather their child be clothed than topless.

But thanks for going off about something that I had already clarified, that you were sadly unable to read and comprehend.

It’s not for the child though it’s because the adult finds it’s too hard to dress the children, because they are too tired, old, hungry etc. Majority of people dress their girls fully in the pool so it’s not a massive thing and not that
controversial or difficult. OP can make a stand and make a complaint if she feels that strongly but it’s hardly a massive issue in the grand scheme of things. So you don’t feel you should, that’s life isn’t it, we all do things we don’t feel we should at times.

I have a boy and I've honestly never taken him swimming in something that was just like a little pair of pants and so I know I wouldn't for a daughter either. Always gone for wetsuit type things when my son was little then long trunks instead of speedo type swimmers. Rash vests for the beach.

I do see op's point though that there's no difference between little girls and boys chests at that age.

In this case no, but my point wasn’t about this particular child but the frankly bizarre idea that girl children are safer with a top on.

The audacity of complaining about someone else’s reading comprehension…

Please tell me how it is any ‘worse’ for a child to be looked at inappropriately when wearing a top compared to not wearing a top? To the sexual deviant the top makes no difference at all.

(I know this because of many years working with convicted of sexual offences against children, but by all means you carry on in your mindless ignorance).

I think you will find most people are saying that children are safer covered up, boys and girls…and by safer I think they mean less on show. It’s a sad world where we have to feel this way absolutely, but the world is like this unfortunately no matter how much we agree that children are just children. I’m a hippy at heart, my youngest is mostly naked at home. They are taught at school where is safe to touch and not by the pantosaurous, they are taught by the space certain clothes occupy, etc. So many women are assaulted by men in their youth. It’s a sad world.

They are saying that yes, and I’m saying they are unfortunately wrong about that. Do you believe that women who dress a certain way are more likely to be raped?

The clothing makes no difference. Some people are attracted to swimwear or underwear just as much as to nakedness. If nakedness was the issue we’d have boy children covered up too. It’s not as if boys aren’t at risk from sexual predators.

If you want to dress your girl children in a bikini or a rash vest or a hijab because you think it’s achieving something, knock yourself out. I’m just telling you it’s making zero difference either way to the chances of your child being preyed upon. Kidding yourself it is might make you sloppy about the real risks, which are nothing to do with clothing.

So do/would you cover your son's chest in a swimming pool too? If you're questioning why someone wouldn't want to cover their child's chest "regardless"?