AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

Little ones don’t wear pants only. When I took my under 1 year old
swimming or on holiday she wore a full wetsuit as she’s grown to a 4 year old she now wears a swimming costume. I would simply put your child in a full swimming costume for the sake of an extra couple of minutes taking something wet off and I personally don’t see how it’s so so difficult to remove a wet swimming costume.
i have a family member with an autistic 7 year old non verbal and a 18 month old baby and you bet she doesn’t struggle to put or take off her daughters swimming costume and her babies.

“ do this to little girls” what dress tjem appropriately and correctly for swimming and don’t claim it to be a struggle to remove a 1 piece swimming costume? I feel we do right by our children

I think the world has gone mad.

They can wear just bottoms, full suits, skin suits or swimming burkhas, they are toddlers, the aim is to learn to swim, exercise and have fun. Its not a fashion parade, or page 3 photo shoot. Comfort and safety is the priority,

They are toddlers with nipples not boobs, from a chest perspective, there is no difference in appearance from male or female, bottoms or swimsuits, it doesn't matter. I can see the argument that bikini's are sexualising but it’s a toddler!

Once they hit school, then time for proper swimwear

But bikini bottoms ARE a swimming costume!
She is wearing a swimming costume, exactly the same as a 4 year old boy wearing just swimming briefs would be! If they had the same length hair nobody would be able to tell the difference.

I have a 4 year old and the only 'struggle' is trying to get a costume off quick when she wants a wee and to rush back to the fun.....so I buy the shorts and t shirts swimwear. I personally find the idea of a bikini or crop top on my 4 year old to be far more sexulising.

For what its worth I also have an almost 2 year old. He wears a sunsuit style costume and Ive picked a shorts and t shirt style costume in the next size up to help with potty training/newly trained phase.

Weve spent much of the summer in and out of pools and most of the boys have had covered chests. In fact I think Ive seen more uncovered chests on both sexes of children in splash parks where its been hot and they've not had swimwear at all.

You aren't wrong to have her topless and I know it's normal in many European countries. I'm Canadian and it's not normal here so that's a factor in my perspective.

I would cover her up incase there are any pedos out there. Yes, most people aren't, and most aren't attracted to kids that young but some are and I certainly wouldn't want them looking at my kid. Some glasses can also record what people look at too.i don't think it is sexualizing perse, but an instinct to protect kids from creeps looking at them.

I totally get what you’re saying and it’s up to you and her. But personally I’d have my four year old girl wearing a top. She getting to the age where I think u should teach her about covering up. I’m not a pride or secualising children but sadly in this world there are pervs hiding in plain sight

Not a prude or sexulising

The point people are making is that this varies by location and age.

people have said that in Europe it’s fine. So in Europe it’s ok.

some people have said that in Germany bikini bottoms are a costume for both children and adults and so it’s culturally ok for adult women to go topless there.

other people have said that in the uk their swimming pool have made rules that bits and girls both need to cover their chests.

so
This is cultural issue and it varies between cultures
within cultures there are different ages at which girls are usually expected to wear tops or a one piece

and in any case on private property or in a council owned swimming pool they can set what rules they like and if you don’t want to stick to them you don’t go.

so many French pools have rules about men’s swimming attire (and enforce them). English pools also have rules about swimming attire and enforce them.

i’m not going to go to France and try to change a whole culture around pool swimming attire - I’m just going to tell my son or husband and they can choose whether to go or not,

in the same way in the uk it is generally expected at an indoor pool in a child who is out of nappies that if female they wear a one piece or top.

the lady who worked there was pointing this out to the op (in a much more polite way than the French can be about male attire!), and yes it’s different for different sexes, and yes it’s different in different countries and yes it was different in different places (beach, splash pad, etc) and yes it was different in the past but those are the rules now and in that place.

A one piece costume isn’t hard to remove though, you peel it down

Can we quit pretending that there’s absolutely nothing inherently sexual about adult female breasts, and that they’d be just fleshy feedbags if it weren’t for “men sexualising them”? I breastfed two kids and I’m the last person who’ll ever say that breasts are always sexual, but they do have a sexual aspect. Nipples are made of erectile tissue and both men and women feel sexual arousal when they’re stimulated in a a sexual context, in a way that we aren’t stimulated by, say, having our foreheads or our noses touched. Also, I think it’s stigmatizing to lesbians and bisexual women (I’m bisexual) to act like any attraction they feel towards breasts is some kind of pervy fetish.

Does the UK just not have tankinis at all, then?

My main takeaway from this is that a few things can be true at once.

While it is fine and totally normal for you, as her mother, to feel that other people could be sexualising your daughter and to be uncomfortable with it, I personally feel that this laissez-faire approach ignores one (rather big) problem, and that is there absolutely WILL be people that will sexualise your daughter, or any children for that matter. Unfortunately, people with a sexual interest in babies and children co-exist around us, it is a hidden desire that often no one ever finds out about, so to ignore this simple fact is, frankly, a bit naive.

I would also question why you would be going out of your way to ensure that she doesn't have a top on, but that is just my personal opinion.

Ultimately, if such a policy exists then it is there for a reason, and I would guess that the member of staff was just doing their best to enforce it. You don't have to like and, but you do have to adhere to it if you want to continue to swim there with your children.

As kids when we were that age we used to just run around the beach in a pair of nickers. Not a special bathing suit.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5555136-aibu-to-think-a-toddler-should-not-need-to-cover-their-top-at-a-swimming-pool?reply=153618127

This was my post. We weren't at a Nuffield but there is one locally. Are you in a town beginning with B?

It's not a universal policy, when my DD was around 7 she managed to tear her swimsuit. The Nuffield gym shop only had boy trunks and told me that was totally fine for a 7yo girl. They looked at me slightly oddly for asking.

I would have been tempted to say ‘he’s a boy actually’. Not much comeback to that!

I just bought one piece swimming costumes for my daughter. I don't think you're necessarily wrong, but it was also not much different to a bottoms and top set.

See what the policy says, but a rash vest is also fine and mine often wore them if they were at a family session with floats or they got float-burn on their tummies and we knew about that all afterwards alright 😳😳😳

I remember it being fairly normal for preschoolers of either sex to just wear bottoms on the beach/swimming pool when I was a child in the 80s.

With genitalia covered there really isn’t much difference between the bodies of a girl and boy at 4 years old - how did they even know she was a girl?

I think we should be normalising this for little girls tbh, they don’t need bikini tops.
In a lot of European countries small children just wear bottoms (or go naked on the beach!)

I personally think she should be covered. Maybe not a view you agree with but she's nearly school age so no longer a baby.
It's the norm in UK and that should be respected. You also have no idea who is in the pool with you and it's for her own modesty. I'd also have my son covered too for the exact same reasons! He's always worn a rash vest and id not consider him not - same reasons as a girl.
I don't think you handled it well tbh. Seems very confrontational. No need to accuse her of sexualising her, just feels like you were wanting an argument rather than an explanation.

If that is their policy, clearly stated, applied consistently and drawn to your attention when signing up as a member, then fair enough.

A few people commented on my comment, so here is my reasoning.

I remember being at a garden party with a paddling pool and school parents and kids. My friend's little girl (aged about 6) had only swimming bottoms on. She jumped in the paddling pool and had her chest covered with her hands. I felt she was slightly self-conscious to have no top on.

It might be that a boy would feel the same way, but I doubt it.

Generally, I think it is best for kids to be as covered up as they thenselves want to be.

But it's also difficult to know at what point a girl may feel she needs a top on. A four year old is not a baby or toddler, or even (most likely) a preschooler. They are a school age child.

@Octavia64
You missed my point. I wasn’t suggesting girls under 8 be prohibited from wearing a top, but that over 8 they must.

If a 6 or 7 year old girl was developing breast growth a parent would naturally choose to have her wear a top and to explain why: societal norms are that breasts are covered in public.
Under the age of 8 they could also choose to put them in a one piece, from day one, or age 4 etc.

As it stands now, a parent HAS to put a top on a pre pubescent female but not on a male child same age.

You should be able to find a tankini top which will give the toileting advantages of separate top and pants whilst looking less bikini like. Buy in a size bigger than she needs for ease of putting it on / taking it off.

Personally I would use a swimming costume at an indoor pool.

YABU for having a go at the member of staff who has probably witnessed several weirdos hanging around the pool staring at the kids but the staff can't do anything about it. Take my word for that as one my family members has worked in a leisure centre for nearly 40 years and its horrifying what happens on a regular basis with weirdo Grandads watching swimming lessons and men hanging around the changing rooms etc.