AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

It’s usually quite obvious if a child is a boy or girl by 2 years old - OP’s dd is 4. I’ve always put my dd in a one piece swimming costume (I don’t think children should be in bikinis as those are for teens/adults).

Difficult because you are entirely right and I didn't start wearing tops until about 7, 8 or 9... But times change and we're all much more aware of cameras, perverts, the internet... I just think better to be on the safe side.

You're choosing the lesser of two - it's not 'that' big of a deal to have a two-piece but you'd be mortified if some perv snapped your daughter 'topless' for their private collection and/or shared the pics online.

I dunno. Do what feels right for you - I don't agree with the staff member's interpretation of their policy. Your daughter was appropriately dressed.

If you go to a swimming pool you have to follow its rules (assuming that they lie within the law), including the dress code, however much you dislike them.

You are absolutely correct OP, but I have to admit I was surprised the first time I saw toddler girls with bottoms and no tops, but I very quickly considered that it was totally acceptable and should be the norm in the UK, but very sadly it isn't. Fashion shops that are big or originated in different European companies like H&M definitely sell bottoms only as the norm for children's swimwear, just like they sell the tight fit ones that are standard abroad for boys. I noticed this after I noticed not having tops for girls was more common abroad. But it definitely is unusual in the UK I've noticed it only very occasionally, which makes challenging this staff member tricky, but hopefully they have a sensible manager you can complain to. Just because something is culturally normal doesn't make it right.

This is a good point - if your dd is 4 now, she is starting Reception next week? If her school does swimming lessons, the girls will be in one-piece swimsuits and will have to change in and out themselves.

It's not much harder than pulling on a pair of trousers. Start practising at home now.

Jesus.

You have to be joking surely. What is objectionable about that?

The two pieces that aren't bikini tips are long sleeved rash vests or t-shirt style rash vests. Which was perfect for the sun protection needed on holiday when OP bought them, but is not appropriate for an indoor pool. Sadly a lot of parents are unaware that rash vests indoors without a lining or neoprene do not help keep kids warm but the opposite and make them feel the cold, as the cold wet sleeves cling to the body. Ok in a warm hotel pool but larger leisure centre pools are usually cooler.

I don’t this is a hill you need to die on OP.
I understand leisure clubs having policies, they’re probably wanting to make all members as comfortable & safe as they are your DD.
Obvioys solution is to buy your DD a one-piece costume, 4 year olds don’t need bikinis, with or without the top.

I think your approach with the staff member was a tad OTT, she’s surely just conveying the club rules?

Blues321 is the username of the other post. I can’t seem to send a link, it was made on 16th July

I'm not saying it's bad for a 4 year old to be topless, but some people want children to cover up to safeguard them and it's not fair to then accuse them of sexualising children themselves.

I also think most little girls I know have no issues getting in and out of swimming costumes so that might be something specific to your daughter, possibly a sensory issue especially if she generally prefers to take off her clothes.

Hundreds (OK, it was the 80s.. 10s) of pictures of me in just bottoms when at the beach - I have no idea what kids wore to the pool, but when I was at centre parcs recently babies were in full onsies (to keep warm I'd guess), but toddlers (and 4 is barely not a toddler) were wearing whatever their parents put them in - some with rash vests, some just pants.

I can't see the issue. And no, at 4, the only way you can really tell the difference in even a partially dressed toddler is hair cut/clothing choices (which is obviously not conclusive).

And my sons needed help getting out of their clothes until they were about 10! Peeling off a rash vest/trunks is tricky.

It is normal dress code because of sexualisation. It is so subconscious.

I actually don't think so, I think if she's been wearing shorts rather than tiny pants it would never have been mentioned and I think any child in just pants would have caused comment

My kids learned to swim elsewhere, and as a result, when they were younger considered speedos and swimming hats the appropriate swimwear - they wouldn't have considered wearing the big baggy shorts until they got older and more used to UK norms.

Tiny pants are completely appropriate swimwear for either sex.

But not the norm in a UK indoor pool which is where op was and why it was queried.

My recollection is that the song was first used in a school in an African village where there had been a severe problem with attacks on women and girls. It went viral a few years ago.

It seems that it's now being used elsewhere.

Your school uniform is not sopping wet when you take it off. Wet clothing clings to the skin and some children are extremely wriggly and ticklish. Pp also has a younger child to wrangle and is sensibly thinking how to make life simpler.

She didn’t pick a fight, she told you to dress your daughter in regulation swimwear, presumably as per their policy.

A pp mentioned the Coppertone ads.

One which featured on American tv in 1965 showed both a little boy and a little boy. It's readily available online. The little girl was Jodie Foster, three years old at the time. It was her first acting job.

Times do seem to have changed. I spent the summer holidays running about in shorts and sandals when I was a little girl in the '60s.

My kids were never queried in their speedos in a normal pool, because it's normal swimwear - any pool where there is sport there will be plenty of guys in them - my kids learned to swim in a pool that was also shared with a water-polo team for instance.

Policy said appropriate swimwear and she was in appropriate swimwear - all relevant bits covered.

Lets see how long a policy which says young girls must have their tops covered, but boys are fine not to lasts.

I'll add that a friend had to deal with the opposite issue. A young family member felt more comfortable wearing board shorts and a rash vest at school swimming lessons. The school insisted that she had to wear a one piece - only boys could wear the shorts and vest.

My friend complained and her relative was allowed to wear the shorts and vest.