AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

Oh good grief! That is OTT. What a strange message to send to children about their bodies .

Why were you surprised?

The policy if that's what it is sounds ridiculous. I would definitely check that out.
However you were very unreasonable to accuse the staff member of 'sexualising' your daughter. That term has the specific meaning of seeing a person as a sexual object.
The vast majority of adults do not do this in any way shape or form and it's very wrong that the term seems to have gained popularity when what is really being referred to are sexist clothing conventions and/or age appropriate attire.
People who talk about how covered children should be are not the ones sexualising them. They are trying to protect them from sexualisation by others; or in this case, imposing sexist and ridiculous dress codes.
This woman was doing the latter. She is highly unlikely to be a pedophile and your comment literally speaking, implied she was.

I’ve just been on holiday and a lot of German and Dutch families were also there. I would say it was rarer to see a girl under about 8 wearing a top / one piece and every one that was covered was British. No one was at all concerned so it seems standard practice in other countries

YANBU Nobody should be told what they must wear because they are female.
Would she have complained if it was a little boy in girls swim wear?
I have to wear a man’s uniform to work because it’s mostly men and that’s the uniform but I feel silly in it but they’d never insist a man had to wear a dress and just say well that’s the uniform because it would be embarrassing for him and he’d also feel silly but woman have to wear what they are told.

What makes it a "man's uniform"? Men and women wear the same uniform in my job. It's described as unisex.

Is this a repost because I’ve definitely read it before?

It is very very common for expectations around clothing to be different for men and women and both are regularly told what they should wear.

most schools have a uniform. Construction jobs have safety equipment including hard hats. Care staff usually wear a jumper or t shirt with the company name on it.

in the nhs people in operating theatres wear scrubs, nurses and healthcare professionals wear uniforms.

when I was a teacher we had a dress code and most companies have a dress code although they’re largely more relaxed than they used to be.

people are told what to wear all the bloody time.

in social situations - at weddings and funerals there are expectations around clothing - how many aibu/style and beauty threads are there along the lines of it this suitable?

many restaurants on holiday destinations (or in the uk) expect shoes and a top to be worn - I’ve seen the sign “no beach wear” in many restaurants in both the uk and abroad.

genuinely, the idea that you should be able to wear what you want when you want only works if you engage very little in society. Sure, if you are self employed computer programmer living on an island where you cut your own wood and never meet anyone, fine.

but most of us live in a world where we need to work to earn some money and so yes, other people’s opinions on what we should wear matter.

so the people who are saying it’s wrong to be told what to wear - well maybe it is but it happens all the time and the only way out of it is to withdraw from society altogether.

A pre-teen might not have breasts either. I don’t get this line of thinking.

Agreed

I also understand where you're coming from - it's such a difficult balance. I'm uber aware of the 'sex discrimination' angle (it's literally my job!) and often find myself fighting internally with what I think is right or fair versus what I think is 'safest'. I think it's also skewed by the fact I don't have a son (one DD and won't have anymore kids) I suspect your point of view comes more naturally when you have one of each and see these kind of examples play out in practice!

I see another poster has commented on the differing ages at which girls develop and how it's easier to have a blanket rule so no one is having to argue such and such girl is too developed to be topless (and vice versa) and think this is another good reason for the rule. Imagine the accusations if a staff member was commenting on levels of development!

Oh really? I’ve seen it here before, and it’s really common in lots of European countries.

I don’t think you can say with any certainty or confidence at all that the OP ‘wants a reaction’. The idea that most people would do something like this for ‘attention’ (good God), rather than just thinking ‘she’s four, there’s no need for a top’ is absurd.

To me bikinis on little girls are more weird for some reason! One piece costumes.

We go swimming every week and I have never seen any girls that are only in bottoms.

Quite honestly you’re just being lazy, and your 4 year old is old enough to notice she will be the odd one out amongst her peers and it will have an impact on her.

She was weird and sexist, but you won't get the reasons you want in MN. This website is prudish, conformist and most of them can't swim properly so don't have sense of practicality. Just say she identifies as a boy next time ;) Although you shouldn't have to because girls should be allowed to wear practical swimwear too

Little girls wearing only bottoms used to be perfectly common. See this famous Coppertone advertisement attached!

OP was not accusing the attendant/pool policy of being a paedophile/paedophillic, but of seeing a bare chested four year old girl in terms of her being possibly sexually attractive to someone out there, hence the need for her to cover her top.
Otherwise there is no reason.

Schools even teach little children ‘the swimsuit rule’ that no one must touch them on the part covered by a swimsuit. ( I am worried because little boys should not be touched on their nipples either.)

I wonder if more people/ pool organisations are just worried that a paedophile somewhere will be looking at the children there?

If you're looking at the easiest on and off option I find the all in one suits that have vests and shorts length bottoms and zip in the back a size too big make life really easy and much comfier for the child.

This is where the sexualisation of female bodies begins. Unfortunately it is so ingrained that people are simply unaware they are doing it. You are right to raise it with them OP.

No it isn’t. It’s much more awkward and difficult trying to get a soggy wet costume off a child within the confines of a changing cubicle than just putting dry clothes on a dry body at home.

How many times can you say getting them in and out of swimwear is hard? it’s no different than dressing them in any other clothes and at the age of 4 they could do it themselves if they had to. Sounds pretty lazy to me and seems like you wanted a reaction.

Goodness me that seems an odd way to bring up a family. I’m all for safeguarding of course, but that really doesn’t sound healthy to me.

On a purely practical note, now that DC is 4 and school age, the sooner she is able to get herself in and out of her own clothes, including changing for swimming, the easier your life will be!

I’ve seen plenty of babies and toddlers in swim nappies only in pools. The baby swimming classes near me are when I’m swimming in the adult pool sometimes and swim nappy seems to be very common.

at the point they move out of nappies (which is obviously going to vary from child to child) it’s usual in the U.K. to either have a one piece with short legs and arms (both sexes) or shorts for boys and a one piece for girls.

at the beach or outside children are usually more covered up and rash vests etc are more common mostly due to concerns about skin cancer. It’s either that or it’s clearly an impromptu beach trip and the children are wearing a lot less. Nakedness at the beach/river/lake is a lot less common than it used to be when I was young (80s and 90s) I suspect mostly due to skin cancer concerns.

i do see some pre-pubescent girls wearing bikini tops but it’s more normally towards to the top of the age range and it’s tweens wearing a tween version of whatever the fashionable adult bikini style is.

i lived through the 80s in the uk when getting a tan was a wanted thing and my ExH has now had to have investigations for skin cancer; there’s a lot more awareness now that getting burnt in childhood can really ramp your risk up. He’s super careful with his new kids about not being exposed at all.

pools are obviously different in that you don’t get the skin cancer risk but it genuinely isn’t common in the U.K. for girls to wear only bikini bottoms/shorts to swim in once out of nappies.