AIBU to expect my husband to pay me back for deposit money?

I wouldn’t be surprised if the pp who wrote that was American; it’s a cultural thing and not intended to be offensive. Probably similar to a poster who starts her sentences with “Girl,”

I totally agree with you in that I think it’s sensible what you are doing.

However, if you divorce then a lot of these agreements you have could be totally ignored and you could end up with 50/50 anyway (I know it’s not quite that simple but it sometimes is). So I get why people think it’s weird. I wouldn’t marry for this reason.

DH and I have always had joint finances right from the start, apart from pensions. We each have ISA accounts in our own names but all of the money within them is deemed to be ours jointly.
We started out with nothing. We now have a fair bit tucked away in savings and investments.
If one of us wants to make a significant purchase, such as when I wanted to replace the kitchen, we discuss it first and agree on a budget before committing to anything.
Most of our wealth has come from DH. He had a well paid job and I didn't. He had wealthy parents and I didn't.
When we got married one of the vows was "with all my worldly goods I thee endow", which basically means "everything I have I will share with you."

DH and I have separate "savings". Approximately yearly we compare them, although we don't keep a tally during that time, the conversation just crops up. Most of the time we have nearly the same amount. The only difference is in our income: He has far more pension income than me, but I pay less into the joint bills.

In OP's case this could be looked on as an investment into a successful future business, so it is a start-up loan. But in marriage most things are/should be 50:50.

I have my own bank account and savings. I’ve been divorced once before and in my first marriage put everything in the pot only to be done over. I’m not naive enough to believe that there is no way that I could possibly get divorced twice. I have DC, and I have a responsibility to make sure that they receive an inheritance after I have grafted all my life.

But having a relationship where you owe me x, because I did that for you is not conducive to staying a couple. Ie if you're behaving like your a business partner rather than a spouse it tells your partner you expect to split. It also says I don't trust you to make a success out of the business so I want my money back now.

Personally I am very old fashioned and we work as a team, discuss everything, finance everything together. We run a successful business. I no longer work in the business as such having decided to retire, my wife still works...that's what we both want to do.

Read up a bit more…whilst you are right that if you don’t merge it, in principle, you retain it, and court will agree that, and will want to agree to that …none the less it does not over right courts legal duty to meet “needs” of both parties under “fair settlement”
so if you have an inheritance that would allow you to buy a house with 2 bedrooms and your spouse would have no assets to house or feed themselves, or accommodate a shared child, without recourse to universal credit, the court will not protect the inheritance. The “needs” part of fair settlement is the priority under the law. You don’t as a divorcee get to walk away, with an inheritance, from a legally binding marriage contract and dump your ex spouse financially on the tax payer . Not unless there ain’t enough money in combined pot for either of you, and there’s no option but to use benefits.
thats why lady gale called it “shared misery”

Nope, you split the investment into 2
separate isa allowances

and you can both earn up to £1000 on interest/divs tax free before moving into ISA.

or move even more non ISA savings into lower tax rate spouse

or have a total of £100k in premium bonds tax free

theres way more flexibility married than not married. Provided you trust each other

I’d not be doing that without a marriage certificate!

My original comment was ‘not everything is automatically joint…. Which is correct! We have both said that. I don’t need to read more about it because I’ve explained circumstances it becomes shared but back to my original comment, that was correct! Not everything is automatically joint

If he borrowed it for business reasons then he absolutely should get a letter to outline what is owed and how it is to be paid back. Or, you should be a proportionate partner and draw an income.

In this instance, I don’t feel it is unreasonable

We share our resources as a family. We don’t do his and her money.

DH and I have always had our finances separate. When we worked we earned a similar amount. We both paid the same amount into the joint account and all bills came from there. We had our our personal spends eg mobile, haircuts, nails, clothing and gifts for each other. Joint gifts came from joint account. Now we are early retired. I've bought property and invested money whereas DH tends to spend a bit more than me. He has a much bigger pension than me but I have rental income. If he wanted something I would lend him money but like you OP I'd expect it to be paid back. On divorce finances split but inherited money if never been put into joint pot is often doscarded. We keep finances separate but share everything else and are happily married. OP looks into business loans for business startups. Your DH should be able to pay you back from profits without paying tax on it.

Did he put money in too? I’d be a bit worried if yours in the only money financing this.

Always shared every penny

Well it’s all very lovely that it’s worked out for you, but on the other hand, I know of a few cases where the husband has fucked off with another woman and emptied the joint account.

Personally, I think it’s very naive not to have your own money and your own account.

The advice these days is that every woman should have an escape fund. If you lent him the money and have a signed letter you are entitled to expect it to be returned.

People here are jumping to conclusions. It really depends on how long you have been married etc. if you build up your savings before getting married then it is absolutely your money and nothing you bring to the marriage before it will count as shared. However, since you put the money in the business during the marriage, technically that business is also yours until he buys you out - return your money. There is nothing wrong with keeping finances somehow separate. If I married tomorrow I most certainly would as I build everything I have over a decade I did not even know my partner. The same applies to him. Why should he suddenly be entitled to my savings or me to his house because we signed a paper. If you have been together for 15 years and build everything together it is different but for couples that do get married older no it is not weird to have separate finances. In fact every couple I know married or not who completely merged finances, the woman was fucked when separating as their partners were terrible with money and they ended up paying off their debt. You can have shared household account and separate accounts which in this day and age is the smart thing to do! You are not being unreasonable…

Your conclusion is wrong😊

YANBU

I have lent £70K from my DH which I will pay back. No solicitors letter. I'm a woman of integrity, and we both trust each other.

People on here bang on about pooling finances when married in one sentence, then telling women to squirrel money away and have an emergency LTB fund - so which is it?!

My DH pays for everything as I'm a SAHM, I'll be paying the £70K back at a rate of £15K/yr from income from investments I have.

Personally, I think it’s very naive not to have your own money and your own account.

While i hear what you are saying, I am not completely dumb.
Our marriage has accured a lot of buisness, pension plans and investments. I would not be out on my ear if the worse to happen. Currently I have access to all the money that is available to both of us. Dh is frugal in many ways and I'm not particularly materistic so money just gets stashed.
Im not concerned about a joint account being emptied!
If anything i gave done extremely well out of our marriage.

Absolutely fine to just lend it. I would do the same. We have a joint account to which we each pay a set amount each month, but the rest of our savings, investments etc are held individually.

Your response does nothing to convince us otherwise 😊

As a few other posters have noted, it is a business loan for a franchise. Totally different. Needs to be noted and treated as such.

You're married. There is no yours and his. Even with a prenup, if you were to divorce, everything he has and everything you have goes in a pot and they divide the total pot between you.

You sound a lot savvier than your friends. Perhaps they have not been in the position of being the main breadwinner?