Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

So he bought something that helps with one of the household jobs that he takes part responsibility for and he still has to consult you? Added to which it’s only £40? The only situation in which that would be an issue in our house would be if we were severely strapped for cash and it was a choice between a heated airer and food or electricity. It’s really not a problem and he ought to have the autonomy in your household to be able to do things like that.

Gosh if I had to run all my little household purchases from the joint account past DH each time I’d go nuts! Mind you he has nicknamed me ‘Head of Procurement’ 😂

Not so miserable as when you live in a house without a huge amount of space so you'll fall over the thing constantly. And, as you're doing it, think about the things the money would be better spent on.

If your house is big enough that you don't notice the the addition of a big heated airer and your budget doesn't notice £40, then great for you. You realise that other people have different lives?

You realise that other people have different lives?

Do you?

I dont think anyone is in that situation where you cant afford to dry your clothes! Its the UK ffs! Massive free for all

I'd be annoyed by that. I can think of many better ways to use £40.

It's called courtesy. It's not asking permission, it's just common politeness.

Why is it common courtesy to run any purchases though your husband. What happens if he says no, do you just not buy the item? That sounds very much like asking permission?

It's joint money and you should both be trusting enough to spend small amounts of it without needing to discuss each purchase surely?

So it’s a controll thing? He’s not free to buy stuff in the way you are? Do you run every item for the home by him? Like everything??

I'd be delighted if my husband bought a heated airer!

I couldn’t live like this. That’s horrendous to even have that as the shit your lives have been reduced to.

We have a different idea about what is useful whilst we have similar ideas about where to look. There are times where we go "whatever, that looks good" other times one of would say "I've been looking and I've seen something suitable here, what do you think"

My partner also gets a lot discounts through work so I also generally ask what discount he gets at various stores to work out what is the best deal.

We just try to make sure that we make purchases consciously. We live quite frugally and try to get things second hand where we can, we were on low incomes when we got our first house (household income of £25k in 2012) and we furnished most of it using thrifting sites. It's also not something we do very frequently, we both hate shopping. I think this year the only purchases that would count are a cupboard for my daughters bedroom (£40) and a broom for the kitchen (£22) in the end although we started by looking at options in the £30-40.

My flat is tiny. It a kid the space taken up that’s the problem … it’s the strangulation of two people ..by two people …. it’s horrible

We never say no unless it's total unjustifiable crap. I don't run purchases "past" my husband, I let him know what we need because it's manners if I'm spending our money. If I'm spending my own money then I buy what I want and likewise for him.

It's worked for 40 years.

This is honestly the most bonkers post I have seen. He can but things for the house without consulting you of course he can. You are literally insane If you think this is a problem. I wouldn't ever think about consulting my husband. Before buying anything???

You say politeness, I say joyless. And cold, and weirdly formal. It's £40.

I completely agree, it hardly takes long too say or message "hey I'm looking at ordering a heated airer, our non-heated one isn't great, they are cheaper to run than the tumble drier, X has one on offer and it can be delivered on Friday"

Do you have to do the supermarket shop together?

If you don't say no why do you need to ask him about buying something before you buy it? Why not just let him know once the purchases have been made? It all feels very transactional.

On the scale of the worse things a partner could do........ literally doesn't even register.

That is exactly what it is and how it happens and sometimes it's "we need a new kettle (£20)" and sometimes it's "do you think we should have the roof replaced (£25,000)?". The amount of money is irrelevant to the conversation but it is a conversation that we have. And for anyone asking, no we don't do the supermarket shop together, I have it delivered.

It's a small thing, and a small amount of money. Just let it go, OP, because life is too short to stress about trivia.

If I purchase things for the house, I would not dream of checking in with my partner to see if it was okay. A sofa, a dining table or a bed, yes that's a joint decision.

I just can't imagine wandering round shops seeing something that takes my fancy for the house but calling my partner to see if it's okay.

I love to see the joy in his face when I come home with something I think is fantastic and useful but he deems it lets say not very worthy 😆

I mean, you're definitely being unreasonable. But I suppose if you want to ask that from now on, no-one makes any purchases from the joint account without asking the other person - well you can do that if you love wasting your time.

But come on, if that wasn't already agreed, this is incredibly reasonable.

Those are good reasons for preferring to chose and purchase together, but not for being annoyed if one of you decides to buy something without consultation.

I thought you were being unreasonable. He can spend £40 on something for the house (unless it’s absolute gaudy tat). Then I read it’s a heated airer and I think you are being very unreasonable. He obviously thought it would help and save money on using the tumble dryer. I think he’s been pretty thoughtful especially coupled with him doing half of the laundry.