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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Witchergeralt · 28/08/2026 21:58

Actually I do know where you're coming from OP. Sorry to everyone else. DH and I discuss what we're buying for the house whether it's £40, £400 or £4000. We have a tumble dryer, a twirly and two drying racks so I would see this purchase as a complete waste of money that may have been earmarked for other purposes.

We have our own accounts for our own fun purchases but joint money and joint expenses are discussed.

I don't think I'd make a post about it though.

mswales · 28/08/2026 21:58

That is an absolute bargain, is useful, good for the environment and save you time! YABVR

Booboobagins · 28/08/2026 22:03

It could save you a lot of money coupled with a dehumidifier @Nmiddleofnowhere

£40 is a bargain for one too.

I'd be telling him well done tbh.

Minasama · 28/08/2026 22:04

Is this worth an argument? That depends on how tight your budget is. (if you are on a low income and need to watch every penny he ought to have discussed it with you. We discuss larger purchases, perhaps over £100 / £150 but that threshold of course depends on income.)

RafaFan · 28/08/2026 22:11

I don't think it sounds too bad - it's a practical item. Maybe you could get donate the regular airer somewhere to make space.

I thought it was going to be salt and pepper shakers or something a la Peter Murrell and Nicola Sturgeon.

watchingthishtread · 28/08/2026 22:14

He's right. You're being controlling.

Springsummertime · 28/08/2026 22:16

Jesus you’re uptight and controlling! Ever thought about having some fun

JMSA · 28/08/2026 22:18

YABU … unless there’s a massive backstory, like him gambling away your life savings.

Empress13 · 28/08/2026 22:19

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

First World problems

Shoxfordian · 28/08/2026 22:19

I'd never heard of them, maybe my husband would like one as he's in charge of washing. Unless you're really on the breadline then you're being unreasonable

CypressGrove · 28/08/2026 22:20

Very controlling.

JMSA · 28/08/2026 22:20

40 quid for a heated airer!! You’re even more unreasonable!

Shedsqueek · 28/08/2026 22:20

To be fair I wouldnt use money from joint account without letting my DH know so YANBU.

FourSevenFive · 28/08/2026 22:22

Do you want to have to discuss every 40£ spend for the house before you make it?

I wouldn't, so I accept my DP sometimes decides on his own.

If money were an issue, it would be a different situation and every spend would be discussed.

junebirthdaygirl · 28/08/2026 22:23

Heated airer are brilliant if you have a utility room to set it up. Just pop everything in the dryer for the last 10 mins. Saves money..he made a good purchase and probably thought you would be pleased

junebirthdaygirl · 28/08/2026 22:23

Heated airer are brilliant if you have a utility room to set it up. Just pop everything in the dryer for the last 10 mins. Saves money..he made a good purchase and probably thought you would be pleased

GoodkneeBadKnee · 28/08/2026 22:27

Shedsqueek · 28/08/2026 22:20

To be fair I wouldnt use money from joint account without letting my DH know so YANBU.

Ugh.

Beattie121 · 28/08/2026 22:27

Your poor husband

Ooooookay · 28/08/2026 22:29

I have read all your updates and I do think you are being unreasonable, my husband and I would each make purchases like this without consulting the other. Let it go and enjoy the speed of drying!

FloofyKat · 28/08/2026 22:31

Unless you are really struggling for money, I’d say yes, YABU. You can give the ordinary airer away, maybe get a few £££ for it if it’s worth anything. The heated airer might save you the expense of running the tumble dryer every time you do a wash.

Raptors · 28/08/2026 22:33

Shedsqueek · 28/08/2026 22:20

To be fair I wouldnt use money from joint account without letting my DH know so YANBU.

You're his wife not his child, why would you need to ask permission to use money you presumably contributed to the account in the first place? What's the point in a joint account if you have to run every purchase through each other? Confused

Pyjamatimenow · 28/08/2026 22:40

A man interested in making the laundry situation easier. You should definitely ditch the bastard straight away

kombuchabucha · 28/08/2026 22:41

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

Unpopular opinion perhaps but with the context I think he should have spoken to you first! I say this because after our washer/dryer packed up I've been weighing up the options for us: new dryer (we got a second hand washer for free) new washer/dryer, heated drying rack, dehumidifier next to normal drying rack. This is worth a discussion! There's also a running cost associated with the heated dryer and electricity prices are going up again!

From my recent research I believe buying a dehumidifier to put next to your normal drying rack would have been a better purchase - they supposedly dry clothes faster and they take the moisture out of the air to prevent damp problems in the room.

Weirdwonderfully · 28/08/2026 22:44

You are being unreasonable

neilyoungismyhero · 28/08/2026 22:44

ChaChaChaChanges · 28/08/2026 20:48

Anyone else just ordered one?

Thought about it a cuppla months ago and this post has reminded me. Just off to Amazon for a look.