Page 5 | To not take step kids on my holiday?

Westcountrygal · 2026-08-08T18:04:31+00:00

Were we unreasonable to go on holiday without my step kids? My husband has got two kids from a previous marriage, they are 10 and 12. My family invited my husband and me to a trip across the USA to visit relatives and we had a great time. The weather was great and we did lots of activities. When we came back however, and my husband told the kids about the trip, they in turn told their mum and she kicked off royally, screaming that he neglected them, spent all his money on himself and nothing on them, and that they should have come in the trip. That obviously was never going to happen- it was my family who lives in America and my family who paid for this and it was during term time anyways. I do agree that he shouldn’t have told them about it and shown them the great things that we did but surely it’s not normal for the mum to expect them to go on MY family’s trip?

Boreded · Yesterday 20:54

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 20:43

Why is it on both these similar threads that the mother moved “three hours away” Oh and the dad would like to have them more but he just……can’t? Bullshit, he can. He could have taken them on this holiday if he was so desperate to spend more time with them, he could have had three weeks!
But, on both threads, the dad and the new wife didn’t want them to come. Your prerogative of course op, but at least own it and don’t try kid yourself, or anyone else, that this man is “desperate” for more time with his own children.

He couldn’t have taken them, they were in school. Also he would have needed mums permission and whilst she might be kicking off now about them not going, guarantee she wouldn’t let them go on holiday for 3 weeks.

Mum moved 3 hours away, not dad, she has been the one making things more difficult.

Original poster

Westcountrygal · Yesterday 20:55

Olive123456 · Yesterday 20:37

Doesn't he have conversations with his kids,did they not ask where he was going?

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They found out on the day when they were supposed to go to him. Instead of him his sister came to collect them.

OP posts:

Hithismyname · Yesterday 20:56

@Westcountrygal sounds complicated. My partner has just gone through a year of court cases trying to stop his ex moving with his child from the uk to America, a long expensive process. He won and sees his child 50.50. The court saw he fought hard and was a good father.
Maybe the courts could have put something in place where she didnt move 3 hours away because she can't just do that.

Boreded · Yesterday 20:57

Lexingtonavenueandme · Yesterday 20:53

So she’s crazy woman and a screaming ex who continually sabotages things but he’s still ok to leave his children with her? Why? Surely he should be applying for full custody .. she sounds insane. 🙄

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Because he wouldn’t get it, she doesn’t harm the children. They live too far apart for 50:50 as you know…school, so he is going to get to see them less. It’s the shitty but about being the man in this situation that sometimes you have to make the right choice for your family and not disrupt their lives any more than the divorce already has.

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 20:57

Westcountrygal · Yesterday 20:52

This is actually a good point to consider. I hadn’t thought about that. As long as they are cared for then that’s fine right? I didn’t think they might have expectations or excitement of their own towards seeing dad.

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You hadn’t considered that his own children might want to see him?? That they might be upset when a different relative came to meet them? Jesus. Were you raised by wolves??

ExcitingRicotta · Yesterday 20:57

TunnocksOrDeath · Yesterday 19:17

Your mistake was waiting till you were home before mentioning it.
"We've got to and visit Westcountrygal's family for a few days, they're paying because they miss her, what would you like us to bring back for you from America?" is a much better way to present this situation than "We've just been on a really great trip without you, come and admire the photos".

This, 100% !

How bizarre to suggest that he shouldn’t have told them at all?!

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 20:58

Boreded · Yesterday 20:54

He couldn’t have taken them, they were in school. Also he would have needed mums permission and whilst she might be kicking off now about them not going, guarantee she wouldn’t let them go on holiday for 3 weeks.

Mum moved 3 hours away, not dad, she has been the one making things more difficult.

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And this was the ONLY 3 weeks that ops relatives could accommodate? Or could they have shifted it slightly, to fit in with the school holidays? More expense for flights etc I know, but having children, even as a step parent, comes with cost….

Deepinschoolholidays · Yesterday 20:59

I would never disappear on holiday for three weeks without prepping my kids and them to find out when an aunt picks them up. I think that is really selfish and irresponsible. Obviously three weeks is an unusually long time for parents to be away from their children. Let me guess, he pays CMS and not a penny more?

Original poster

Westcountrygal · Yesterday 21:00

Lexingtonavenueandme · Yesterday 20:53

So she’s crazy woman and a screaming ex who continually sabotages things but he’s still ok to leave his children with her? Why? Surely he should be applying for full custody .. she sounds insane. 🙄

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That is obviously a very extreme way exaggerating to stir shit up. She isn’t a bad mother and the kids are safe with her and well behaved, healthy, clean, everything that normal parents do. The one big blind spot is her behaviour towards him, yes. She does get very angry if she doesn’t get her way because she is expecting him to do her bidding, because she wants him to fall in line and do what she wants and has used the kids as pawns to try and achieve this before.

And yes, I can only call it sabotage when she wants him to have the kids extra on our anniversary, or Valentine’s Day when it is not his time, yet when he has something booked for them to do, like wanting to take them to a show, panto etc and she knows, she then also books something or makes it so that they can’t come so we lose the booking which is why now we don’t tell them anything upfront anymore. It’s a shame and certainly not how we’d like it but there seems to be no other way.

OP posts:

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 21:03

Westcountrygal · Yesterday 21:00

That is obviously a very extreme way exaggerating to stir shit up. She isn’t a bad mother and the kids are safe with her and well behaved, healthy, clean, everything that normal parents do. The one big blind spot is her behaviour towards him, yes. She does get very angry if she doesn’t get her way because she is expecting him to do her bidding, because she wants him to fall in line and do what she wants and has used the kids as pawns to try and achieve this before.

And yes, I can only call it sabotage when she wants him to have the kids extra on our anniversary, or Valentine’s Day when it is not his time, yet when he has something booked for them to do, like wanting to take them to a show, panto etc and she knows, she then also books something or makes it so that they can’t come so we lose the booking which is why now we don’t tell them anything upfront anymore. It’s a shame and certainly not how we’d like it but there seems to be no other way.

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20 years from now op, these children will be adults and won’t have anything to do with you. Don’t moan about it then.

Pistachiocake · Yesterday 21:03

Depends. If she cheated/broke up the family then she's very cheeky. If he did, she maybe feels this is another example of her kids being hurt and let down by him.

Original poster

Westcountrygal · Yesterday 21:04

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 20:58

And this was the ONLY 3 weeks that ops relatives could accommodate? Or could they have shifted it slightly, to fit in with the school holidays? More expense for flights etc I know, but having children, even as a step parent, comes with cost….

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Why would we move our family holiday and everybody out of the seven people there pay more so that unrelated kids that weren’t invited could come? It was centered around a certain event that happened in early June, should we have asked if they would consider holding the concert another time so that the step kids could come ? This is mad.

OP posts:

SpaceRaccoon · Yesterday 21:05

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 20:58

And this was the ONLY 3 weeks that ops relatives could accommodate? Or could they have shifted it slightly, to fit in with the school holidays? More expense for flights etc I know, but having children, even as a step parent, comes with cost….

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But they weren't invited in the first place. This is the OPs family, who were funding a large part of the trip, why would they have randomly invited and paid for unrelated children?

Original poster

Westcountrygal · Yesterday 21:07

Deepinschoolholidays · Yesterday 20:59

I would never disappear on holiday for three weeks without prepping my kids and them to find out when an aunt picks them up. I think that is really selfish and irresponsible. Obviously three weeks is an unusually long time for parents to be away from their children. Let me guess, he pays CMS and not a penny more?

He pays plenty more. He pays CMS, he does all the picking up and dropping off, he buys clothes and outfits for them to wear when with us even if that means extra shoes, jackets, wellies, swimming shorts, pyjamas that get worn twice a month and soon outgrown. People thing CMS is all a dad will pay while conveniently ignoring that he also provides extra rooms for them (without being eligible for housing benefit for the children), all the driving, their clubs and hobbies, clothes etc.

OP posts:

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 21:08

SpaceRaccoon · Yesterday 21:05

But they weren't invited in the first place. This is the OPs family, who were funding a large part of the trip, why would they have randomly invited and paid for unrelated children?

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As a SM, if my DHs ex had moved 3 hrs away and he was bereft about not seeing his DC? He would never have agreed to go 3 weeks without seeing them. I’d have spoken to my family and the DC would have been invited. And if my family had refused to accommodate them, we’d have gone elsewhere.

InterIgnis · Yesterday 21:09

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 21:03

20 years from now op, these children will be adults and won’t have anything to do with you. Don’t moan about it then.

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Or they won’t have a problem with it, much like other stepchildren on this thread didn’t and don’t have a problem with it.

OP isn’t their parent, and her family isn’t theirs.

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 21:10

Westcountrygal · Yesterday 21:04

Why would we move our family holiday and everybody out of the seven people there pay more so that unrelated kids that weren’t invited could come? It was centered around a certain event that happened in early June, should we have asked if they would consider holding the concert another time so that the step kids could come ? This is mad.

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FFS! They are NOT unrelated! They are related, by marriage, to you. And by blood, to your DH.

Passaggressfedup · Yesterday 21:11

What a shit thing it is to do as a parent. Don't tell them he is going away for three weeks, find out on the day they were expecting to be with him, assumed they look forward to it each time when they don't see him for two weeks in a row, to find out they are being sent to their aunty. No explanation, nothing.

Then he swam back as if nothing has happened, and gas the audacity to show them the pictures of his fun trip with glee in his eyes....

What a despicable thing to do. I suspect that's not unusual behaviour for him and very much the reason why his ex thinks so little of him.

Out of curiosity, where does he take them on holiday? Even taken them to Disney in Florida....I suspect not...

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 21:11

InterIgnis · Yesterday 21:09

Or they won’t have a problem with it, much like other stepchildren on this thread didn’t and don’t have a problem with it.

OP isn’t their parent, and her family isn’t theirs.

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Ask a multitude of therapist, lots of step children have a problem with this. But, whatever, do whatever you choose. Just don’t moan when it comes home to roost.

Heavybottom · Yesterday 21:13

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 21:03

20 years from now op, these children will be adults and won’t have anything to do with you. Don’t moan about it then.

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You completely ignored Op's post about the kids' mum.
You are just sticking to the usual MN hatred of Dad's new wife.

InterIgnis · Yesterday 21:13

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 21:11

Ask a multitude of therapist, lots of step children have a problem with this. But, whatever, do whatever you choose. Just don’t moan when it comes home to roost.

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And others don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

Passaggressfedup · Yesterday 21:14

What I fail to comprehend is how you can think such a shit parent can be a good person.

You don't owe your SC anything, it's all on him, but how can you respect him as a person for being such a shit dad?

Boreded · Yesterday 21:14

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 20:58

And this was the ONLY 3 weeks that ops relatives could accommodate? Or could they have shifted it slightly, to fit in with the school holidays? More expense for flights etc I know, but having children, even as a step parent, comes with cost….

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They didn’t need to come. And we don’t know about the other circumstances.

The kids are getting their own holiday, and their dad is getting a holiday, or would you never allow a parent to ever have a holiday? Where do you draw the line? Can someone go to a stag night? Or a weekend with the girls? 10 day honeymoon,..best bring the kids too yeah?

People go on holiday without their children all of the time. It would be different if he had chosen a holiday with new family and leaving old one behind, but that isn’t what happened here

CatherinedeBourgh · Yesterday 21:14

I'm a step kid, several times over. If my dad had tried to get us to trail around his wife's relatives for several weeks we would have thought he'd gone mad. I couldn't think of anything less appealing at those ages that loads of 'relatives' who weren't my relatives at all.

SpaceRaccoon · Yesterday 21:15

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 21:08

As a SM, if my DHs ex had moved 3 hrs away and he was bereft about not seeing his DC? He would never have agreed to go 3 weeks without seeing them. I’d have spoken to my family and the DC would have been invited. And if my family had refused to accommodate them, we’d have gone elsewhere.

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I get the impression this was a special trip to attend an event with her family, during term time.
There was never the option of them going along.