To not take step kids on my holiday?

The only thing I find very odd it that he was away, on the other side of the world for three weeks and they didn’t know where he was!! None of them.
What if something had happened to him or one of the children?
Did he not speak to them at all in this time?? Where did they think he was?

Here they come @Westcountrygal …it’s started

Thanks 🙏

This is in reply to knottywig's post on p2, unfortunately the quote got lost.

It's not "totally irrelevant", it is utterly relevant!

2 adults taking 4 children at the same time, ages 2 to 8, is a very tricky proposition.

So,very sensibly, that dad took his 2 older children last year, they could go on all the same rides, neither of them needed naps.

This year he and his current wife have taken their two younger children, who can only go on the very small rides, mainly want to see princesses, and still need naps.

They will all 6 go on holiday together later this month.

Nothing to make an issue of at all.

You are on the wrong thread.

I think it’s what she wanted tbh.

Seems weird to me she has said anything. Nothing to do with her whatsoever. Embarrassing for her that she’s kicking us fuss.

No I'm not - I edited to add my comment was in reply to knottywig's post on p2

Oh yeah I saw that one, totally reasonable behaviour from them. Year one he took old family, year 2 he took new family, but he also had another trip with old family booked so they still ended up having plenty of trips. They just split the Disneyland Paris trip over 2 years because 4 kids when two of them would have been 1 and 3 last year when he took first family would have been difficult.

their ages mean that they need adults sitting with them on rides, and the youngest would have slowed down the older 2 so splitting it was the best option for all.

Perfectly fine. It was during term time like you said. Me and and my partner often take our child away as she is not at school yet but if we go in school holidays we take his child too. I could understand if it was school holidays and you only took one child but this was different as your family paid etc.

Jeez my parents went on holidays without us all the time! Peru, Mexico, Morocco and so on. They also took us on holiday. Will you be taking the kids somewhere this year?

I'm not a bitter single mum DH and I are together. But I think it's shit to use 3 weeks of your leave to not see your kids, to be honest.

I imagine the children's mother could not and would not take 3 weeks off parenting to go on a lovely adult holiday!

He already only has them every other weekend, and he gets loads of time off work apparently, so he won't lack for holidays.

It sounds hard-line but I believe if you have the terrible misfortune to not live with your own children, you have to accept that you have made a huge life error and you must live with its consequences.

Anyone can get divorced and relationships break down, but in terms of your children, you have to accept your part in fucking up a core bit of their stability, and therefore it's now on you, to go the extra mile, to spend as much time as you can with them.

We'd all love a jaunt with a great new sexy spouse with no kids wouldn't we? But once you have had children, adult child free holidays tend to be off the table for the time they are young, for both parents. And the more so if you are divorced. The greater needs to be your effort to stay close and have multiple touch points through every single week of their lives.

Maybe this is a one off, this holiday. But it is statistically likely he doesn't pay the real costs of taking care of them, he doesn't do their life admin, he doesn't have them that many days in total.

So, hearing about a luxury American break would piss me off too, if I were the children's mother and daily holding myself to a higher standard of care and being present.

Also. New wife, wind your neck in. "No we can't come visit, dear family, for three weeks, you know DH has young children and it's too long for him to go without seeing them" is what you should have said. Maybe he doesn't get that holiday, you signed up for that when getting together with a man with children.

YANBU perfectly acceptable to have child free holidays and visit your family

If your family paid then I can see how you think it’s ok but taking 3 weeks away means less time with them in school holidays

@Seeohbhan actually I had a different view but then reading your response I can actually see why the childs mother would be annoyed. 3 weeks is a long time to be away from your children I agree.

YANBU. You were visiting relatives. Let your husband take them on holiday if he wishes.

“his” weekend.

But even if @Westcountrygal has kids with her partner doesn't mean that they should go on all holidays with their dad. I have stepkids who would have foreign hols with their mum, our son would have a foreign hol with us and we'd take all of them on a UK holiday to a caravan or cheap cottage at another time. We didnt go abroad every year but we'd always have an annual holiday with all the kids. We just couldn't afford to have a foreign holiday every year, never mind take all the kids. If the stepkid's mum hadn't been able to afford to take them abroad I guess we might have done it differently so that overall their experiences were similar. Hoewever, I just don't buy this attitude that everything has to be identical for bio and stepkids. I certainly don't think a stepmum's relatives should be obligated to offer hospitality to children who are not relations, particularly if it puts them under pressure providing accommodation and food etc.

@hahabahbag op said it wasn't during school holidays it was term time so kids couldn't go anyway.

You are not being unreasonable. When I was 11 years old, my Mum went away with family to America for 2 weeks. I was shipped off to my Dads for those weeks. She had a great time and I loved seeing the photos. No children went on that trip, not just me.
My children are all adults now but when they were younger I’d always have family holidays and separate holidays without the kids. They never minded me going on holidays/trips without them. Just because you have children, doesn’t mean you have to do everything with them.

I was quite full-on in my response! I like reading the different views too, and like you I often change my mind.

He was only supposed to have them once in three weeks? And you don’t go away with them because “ they like doing different things”. Sounds a lot like you don’t like them that much and he’s a shyster. The numbers of holidays they have with anyone else are irrelevant it’s the amount of quality time he’s spending with them. ( divorced men just love kicking up their heels and living their best life) Not divorced myself but have worked with enough divorced men to see them in action. ( I’m going to guess he won’t be throwing birthday parties for them or buying school shoes either )

As I said earlier on the other thread referenced, as a step child and now a step mother, no, I wouldn’t do this.