AIBU to want one lie-in on my husband's days off?

Just because I’m not going to agree with you, doesn’t make me a troll!!

It isn't about not agreeing with me... its about how horrid you are being about a tired mother asking for a few hours kip from the father of her children and all the reasons under the sun why she should be a martyr.

What does he do that he works 16 hours a day. Does he actually work or is a lot of it presenteeism?

Quite. Just being a contrarian little stirrer.

I have not been horrid to the OP, I just don’t agree with her. I am not going to agree just because I’m a woman!! The OP’s husband deserves his two lie ins on the basis of his insane working hours.

It’s less stressful not having to work. So many women on here are always complaining that they do so much more than their husbands/partners. In this instance, the husband is working incredibly long hours. Men just can’t win!!

A few weeks ago another poster complained that her husband did nothing apart from working full time and financially supporting the family. About 3 pages of posts were about how awful this man was. I was the first poster to point out he was doing two very important things (working full time and financially supporting the family) which enabled the woman to be a SAHM. Some posters got cross with me then.

The fact that two parents can be tired at the same time for different reasons has just gone over her head completely.

The insults always come out whenever you don’t agree. This is my opinion on this post. I’m not going to change it because people don’t like it!!

@6ate9 It's hard for us to believe you're genuine because most people can easily imagine a world where parenting 24/7 is harder than going out to work. It's a bit odd that you seem unable to..

I don’t think parenting is harder if you’re at home. I do think working full time (and in this case very long hours) is harder.

Parenting is a choice now. We have modern technology so the household chores are a lot easier to do. You don’t even have to go shopping if you don’t want to as there’s online shopping. Why does this generation find it so much harder? It was much harder in the past before birth control, mod cons, supermarkets and internet.

I feel like I keep repeating myself, but in this instance with the husband working such long hours, I don’t think it’s selfish of him to have two lie ins a week. The OP does have it easier as she doesn’t have a boss. deadlines, and targets to meet. She has their baby to look after and she can choose to do as much or as little as she wants each day.

That’s not two important things, it’s one important thing.

Financially supporting the family represents the entire value proposition of working full time here. If he wasn’t generating any money with it, eg he was volunteering 16 hours a day, then obviously the solution would be to quit.

Your earlier repeated references to women managing throughout most of human history needs the little addendum that throughout most of human history, women have been subservient and abused.

I can also imagine a job where working 16 hour days is harder than parenting. I work much shorter hours than this, full time and would much much prefer to go back to full time parenting my baby. However during the newborn phase sleep deprivation is unmanageably hard. It’s torture. Sometimes this lasts an extended amount of time. You hit breaking point.

Managing to not get fired for underperformance as your entire family relies on you financially, is also no small matter. Worrying about being fired and losing all your income, the ability to pay mortgage or rent, utilities and food for your partner and baby, while never quite getting enough real sleep or rest to do well at your job can be very difficult. It depends a lot on the job. She can’t get fired, so doesn’t have this same issue.

Sleep deprivation however can drive you crazy. A mental health breakdown for either parent also won’t benefit the baby or family.

If they are both really struggling for sleep and it’s not working then I would immediately look at whether he can start applying for different jobs with a lower number of hours.

For most of (written) human history life was full of suffering and hardship for both men and women. Women had less rights and power than men in the past.