AIBU to want one lie-in on my husband's days off?

@Ano4829172278 my first reaction is ‘ofc it’s fair that you have a lie in too!’.
And I stand by that. You need the rest a lie in can give you just as much as he does (or wants).

The issue I see is different.
If I understood well, your dh gets up av10.00am during the week. 12.00pm at weekends.
And the dcs wake up at 5.00am
Asking him to ‘not have a lie in’ MEand waking up at 5.00am. Hed only get 2 hours of sleep if he keeps his usual schedule. It sounds unfeasible to me.

I also get the issue with the nap and then not sleeping well at night or later because I’m doing the same.

I think you need a different organisation. Like a nap in the am rather than the pm.
Or you going to bed even earlier and your dh is doing bed time plus any wake up until 2.00am (when he then goes to sleep at his normal time).

Fwiw sleep wise you get more restful sleep before midnight so if you’re tired you’re better going to sleep earlier than having a lie in the am. Same number of hours of sleep but not the same quality

RTFT. OP does ALL night wakings. Maybe instead of letting her sleep in, he should just take over baby entirely for a night or two at the weekend. Yes he works, but maybe OP should remind him that even Tony Blair did all the night wakings with their youngest while in office. It's possible even if it doesn't always improve decision-making.

Yes, if possible could grandparents help? I know it might not be, but if there's 4 healthy GP, they might. When my kids grow up, if they have kids, if I was healthy enough, I'd offer to take them one Friday/Saturday night so my son/daughter and their partners get a break.

If it was the mother who worked very long hours and was financially supporting the family, would it be selfish if she didn’t let her SAH husband/partner have a lie in? If she was exhausted and needed to catch up
on sleep on her days off, would that be considered selfish of her?

Grandparents could step in because the father won’t?! Christ almighty we have low standards for men. OP, I think the broken sleep you’re having is much worse than missing out on a lie in. You need at least two nights of proper sleep where he does the night wakings. Tell him to pick which nights he’s going to do each week.

The baby is waking her up 2-3 times a night though. It’s right there in the OP. And maybe each time is a feed or a nappy change or time to settle the baby. That’s night after night after night for months. If you think that is equivalent to 8 hours sleep then you need a dr appointment.

Low standards for men!!! He is working 16 hour days supporting the family!!!

Well sure he gets most of the sleep but one shit night a week won’t kill him.

He sometimes works 16 hour days. And gets 8 hours unbroken sleep every night, with more on non-working days. While his wife has 16hr days every bloody day looking after small children and never gets a single night of full sleep. He’s a selfish git who clearly doesn’t care if the mother of his children (and their carer) is absolutely exhausted while looking after his children. The bar really is on the floor.

Could you look at my post at 16:28?

I did read it and chose to ignore it. Because I’ve never come across a case of a mother abandoning all child rearing responsibilities and claiming work made her do it. It’s bullshit whataboutery.

Of course he should give you lie ins. I dunno about every week, because I do see that a 5 o'clock start would fuck up his sleep pattern, but then I do think he should do some of the night wakings each week too.

P.S I always found work a lot easier than looking after babies and toddlers, and frankly slightly less 'important' than keeping the children alive.

The OP never stated that her husband has abandoned all child rearing responsibilities.

He gets to lie in on his two days off work after working very long hours.

Sorry OP it's really hard to comment because I'm not sure I understand his work pattern. It reads like he works 16 hour shifts x 5 days a week but I'm assuming that's not the case.

And the OP gets exactly zero nights of proper, uninterrupted sleep despite being responsible for the safety and wellbeing of small children all week. It is unacceptable that the children’s father is fine with that.

The husband is working very long hours financially supporting his family. The mother is at home looking after their children. I do think the person who is out working long hours needs to prioritise on sleep. The family need that person to keep his/her job.

What is this nonsense?! When someone points out the obvious to you, that shes doing all the night feeds, the number of hours of sleep they both get doesnt matter because hes working, and she can go without because thats life (for women only apparently) when you have a baby....except hes not working because OP is talking about his days off.
So whats the next excuse as to why its fair he gets more sleep and time in bed on both his days off when they BOTH have a baby?

Edited because I realised you didn't in fact ask the first question.

The OP co sleeps. If she breastfeeds her husband can’t share the night feeds. What is so wrong with a mother who isn’t going out to work looking after the baby at night?

For most of human history, mothers did nights by sleeping right next to their babies, feeding them on demand, and sharing close physical contact.

I can understand parents sharing nights if they’re both working full time.

And the family need the children’s primary carer to be sufficiently rested and not chronically sleep deprived. The marriage needs both partners to be treated respectfully - not have one partner cosseted while the other gets no proper rest.

The vast majority of jobs can be done even if you don’t get a 10 flipping hours each night at the weekend! In fact, I’m struggling to think of any job that is 5 days a week and requires a lie in both weekend days. Honestly, your posts just sound like someone who thinks mothers should suffer.

SAHMs can manage on broken sleep. Why now can’t modern mothers not cope? For most of human history they managed. Women have the choice now to have children or not, some are very fortunate to get to choose if they want to be at home with them. Life is a lot easier than in the past with all the modern technology.

How is she getting 8 hours sleep when she wakes up to baby? That time in bed would be about 3 hours sleep in 40 pieces with my babies.

No she isn’t.
Sleep deprivation is torture- she should have a lie in too.

Oh come on! Stop that ‘ but I had to do it’ rubbish.

This is about respect and care. It’s not unreasonable for OP to have a tiny window of unbroken sleep a week.

Men also have a choice whether to have children and if as you say broken sleep is part of having children... Dad should experience it every once in a while.

Also you seem to have decided that the OP doesn't financially contribute. How'd you arrive at that conclusion? I'm currently on Mat Leave and I am also the one who is financially keeping a roof over our heads. My first born nearly drove me to a mental institute over lack of sleep. Myself and my husband were only discussing it today as my 2nd baby is thankfully more peaceful and only wakes 3 times overnight!

The OP has clearly said that she cosleeps in order to get any chance of a rest and that the child is up a few times a night. Personally I can't get back to sleep for well over an hour each time I'm woken (so 2 night wakings take away about 3 hours sleep)... also cosleepjng often means a very light sleep as you're constantly on the lookout for baby versus Dad coming in and completely zonking because he can.

My life is much easier when I'm working. I'd love to be able to.do whatever I want all day but funnily enough I only get maximum 2 hours where my baby is asleep during the day (and toddler doesn't nap at all) and I cram as much housework into that time as possible. I've taken one nap since my 2 month old was born and that was at 2 days post partum when my mum was here helping.

Of course Dads sleep is important but one day won't kill him... after all, he can nap during the day!