Will housing association help me move due to severe mental health issues?

Do you have any friends? Having a friend round might make you feel less trapped and low.

Also make sure you are taking vitamin supplements- you must be really low on vitamin D and that can make you feel awful.

Im struck by how young your kids are. I had dc2 around the time of lockdown and it was singularly depressing being stuck indoors - and I have no MH problems.

Mums with two toddlers/babies commonly struggle. Has anyone considered if you have Post natal depression?

Im also struck by the fact your own mum is worse than useless. She’s a liability. Is there a MIL who might provide company and sympathy?

You'll have to do a mutual exchange OP and it means people in your house and you going to visit theirs. Would you cope with moving house anyway?

You are under no obligation to sort out your mother.

It sounds as if you need a meds review first before anything.

You always take the weather with you.

Get therapy. Get more therapy. Urgently.
Your current location is good apart from no garden.

Your kids are going to suffer if you can't take them out.

Her children are suffering.

An 11 month old who only gets fresh air at the weekend.

Echoing those who say treating the MH issues are a better solution than moving home. It sounds like your current home is ideal in many ways and you could have many more problems moving to somewhere new. The garden will not solve your problems, only facilitate them, which isn’t the answer. It’s not like someone in a wheelchair getting adaptations. You are capable of going out, you force yourself to do so when you have to and with the right help in time you’ll go out with your dc again.

The garden is more of a mirage that seems like the answer but your dc need you to get well and you need to be functioning better not simply have a garden to send them into for some air. I’m not dismissing your condition, it sounds like you’re close to a nadir, but there is hope and you can take time and work on it. By deciding this is how it is takes away the possibility of the change that’s really needed in you. I wouldn’t presume to advise you on that, but would say be kind to yourself and take time. Your DC are very little and it won’t always be this hard.

Why would it not be? There are families who work multiple jobs who are being kicked out into a predatory rental market. There's people having to sofa surf, move in with their parents, pay £700 for hazardous HMOs and people living out of their cars. People who are doing everything right but STILL can't catch a break and live with the sword of Damocles that is housing instability looming over their heads.

But this woman who does nothing and seemingly has a supportive husband expects the HA to move her because she wants a garden?! This is either a special kind of entitlement or ragebait.

I don't think a garden will fix everything. Surely the children need wider exploration of their environment. Can you access any care or a PA to facilitate this?

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Guess what, there are children starving in Africa and I’ve still spent thousands of pounds on food and flushed in down the toilet in twenty years of having bulimia in a rich country, what a dickhead I am. Selfish mental illness.
Newsflash, having serious mental health conditions make you think and want to do irrational things. You clutch at straws for a better life.

Show some empathy!!!

I think you should ask for this to be moved to the mental health board OP. AIBU is literally asking for opinions on if you are being unreasonable and that’s not helping you at all.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think they will help you move for mental health reasons, there just aren’t enough houses available. But I also think it may not be the right thing right now, you aren’t even a year post partum yet, this isn’t necessarily you set for life, things can and hopefully will get better. And while you may gain a garden it might be in a worse area or you enter a lottery of what neighbours you will get etc. Give yourself a break on the ‘fresh air’ front and focus on getting better, the kids will be fine in the shorter term while you work on recovering. Throwing the anxiety and stress of a house move into your life right now might not help like you think.

That's not fair. The OP is trying to get better, she's taking medication, she is having therapy and she's engaging with medical services. She is not choosing to stay ill, I suspect she wishes with every fibre of her being not to feel like this. It's also unfair to say she's selfish. She said that her MH took a real nose dive after her youngest was born. Thongs happen. I suspect you wouldn't be saying the same things if she had a physical health condition such as cancer or if she'd been in an accident and ended up a wheelchair user. In my view if you wouldn't say this to someone in those situations you shouldn't say them to someone with MH difficulties.

It’s absolutely fair. I’ve been exactly where she is, I understand it completely. Didn’t leave the house for over a decade.

Until she is proactive, not just blindly taking meds and going to therapy, but actively pushing herself, she will not recover.

Only you can save yourself. Not the doctors, not the therapists, you. They can provide tools to help, but how you use these tools is what determines whether you can recover.

I hope you can get better OP, you really need to put your energy into getting better rather than moving. When you eldest starts school they will not take kindly to you not being able to drop them off, pick them up etc. Also are you not wasting loads of money of fees every time your child misses nursery?

@CastolayaI adore Garron! He’s fabulous, an absolute inspiration.

I've also been there. I think the OP is really struggling right now, sometimes you don't have the ability to push right then, it's about surviving and fighting it another day. I also think the OP is pushing, she goes to her mums, she goes to the nursery when she can. It's up to the OP and her treatment team about when and how is right for her to start pushing the boundaries of her condition. I see what you're saying and recovery from MH does require an awful lot of strength, bloody-mindedness and effort from the person, but the OP doesn't have to do it alone and maybe right now when she's spiralling isn't the right time.

Say it louder for the people in the back! 👏

Just because you’ve ’been there’ it doesn’t mean it’s ok to try and make someone else feel shit. You are also being very unfair, her depression was under control and she’s struggled post partum, she’s not even a year post partum yet and she couldn’t see into the future when she got pregnant. Stop picking on unwell people on the internet and focus on yourself and your own journey.

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Did she say she felt like this before children? Sorry I missed that bit, please show me where?

I have CPTSD, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and a few other acronyms and physical health issues!

There were long periods of time that I couldn't leave the house. Constant panic attacks, I was totally mute for a period of time due to anxiety. It was awful. Anxiety is like an electric fence that closes in tighter and tighter the more you accommodate it. With medication and treatment I went from mute and housebound to getting a job and giving oral presentations.

Good luck x

You aren't hopeless. You are a wonderful loving mum. I hope the pnd lifts soon but I know it's a lot all together with the different conditions. You are a much better parent than your mom, that is a big achievement. Staying inside and playing/reading isn't the worst thing in the world, they do go out on weekends and also will when they go to school.

OP, they aren't going to move you because you want a garden. I'm sorry but it's just not realistic.

People are literally waiting years, a lady I know was stuck in a 3rd floor flat with no lift for 4 years, waiting to be moved as she was disabled and had to be carried down the stairs if she wanted to go out. This was despite doctors letters and even writing to her MP got nothing but lip service. She lived alone and would have died had there been a fire. The system is fucked. Your desire for a garden is going to be bottom of the priority list.

You may get someone wanting a mutual exchange but people looking to downsize don't usually go for upstairs flats with no garden. They aren't anyone's first choice of property.

You need to be looking at treatment for your mental health, not ways to enable it. Its massively impacting your children, it's really not good for their health to live like this with so little fresh air and exercise.

If your medication isn't working, push your gp for other alternatives. Have you looked into therapy? Try tackling just the agoraphobia first. That's what is the most urgent problem and probably exacerbating the rest.

The answer is that your network need to step in and do more, not that you get moved to have a garden. You have a DH. He needs to find a way to be home more - find a hybrid working job or go part time. If you can't meet the children's needs at the moment he needs to do more. Do you have any other friends or family who can help too?