Will housing association help me move due to severe mental health issues?

I'd disagree here, online therapy isn't for everyone but several research studies have shown it to be as effective as in-person studies.

Of course, no phobia can be overcome without facing it, but this can be incredibly hard to do at the beginning & before building a good working relationship with a therapist. If we could "just get out there and (insert feared thing) therapists would be out of a job!

@suffering7 I really hope you are taking on some of the advice in this thread.

Please tell me you are going to set yourself a challenge?

Please take your child out in the fresh air. For their sake.

I agree very very much with @Mooselander -great post btw.
It’s in YOUR hands @suffering7 .
Moving will not solve this.
It won’t solve it because you and your problems will be the same just in a different place, an unfamiliar place, a place with noises from neighbours, a place that may be far away from your mum & nursery.
You have to carry on with the therapy, the meds and the CBT.
See if you can find online support groups. Read books.
Challenge yourself every single day. Only tiny small challenges . If you can’t do it it’s no big deal . “Everybody fed, nobody dead” is the very best mantra when you are struggling.
Tiny challenges. Keep a diary. You don’t need to write loads. Write down what you have achieved, what you ate/fed the kids and give yourself a mark out of 10 for ‘how do I feel’. Look for patterns - menstrual cycle, seasons, things you ate. When you go out do you feel better or worse the next day?
What makes you feel good?
What makes you feel like you’ve achieved something?
Look for things to do in the house with the kids -craft, baking, painting (on top of an old sheet) reading, board games, cards games, telling the time, jigsaws , making lunch, cleaning up bedroom, long bubble baths with loads of bubbles.

You won’t get a house from the council or housing association -so look at what you CAN change to make you feel better. Stop fixating on a garden. There’s much much more than that.
You CAN do this. There are so many people out there who will help you. You just need to find them.
Contact social services/gp/library to find groups. Go on Facebook.
Women who will help are out there.
Maybe put which area (ie county) you live in and you might get some pointers on here.
Good luck.

Are you in an area where there are Home Start volunteers? I wonder if you could get matched with a volunteer who could come to you and help you get out with your children. They're trained to help families as needed, and over half the people they help are, just like you, suffering with their mental health.

https://www.home-start.org.uk/

If not there may be other local charities that offer help to young families /parents with mental health problems.

I agree with others that where you are / lack of garden isn't necessarily the problem.

Thing's sound really awful for you right now and I'm sure a garden would help. I have seen a lot of people recover so try not to give up hope. In the meantime just work on making tiny steps forward every day. Practicing just walking to the front door and putting one foot outside multiple times a day and work up from there. Write down every time you do it so you can see yourself moving forward. You can do it it will just take some time.

I feel like private renting may be your best solution here? For the 'now'

You could get a swap but those things take time and realistically you would be looking at like for like but slightly better anyway, ie, a flat with outdoor space - but it would be shared.

Even if you got a house with a garden I'm not sure how you would feel if it's over looked, near people, etc so only you would know this - private rent would give you less stability with the home BUT you can be choosey and pick what's good for your mental whilst you finish building your deposit for your own. It will end up a bit slower as private is obviously more expensive but your own health for the next few years would be much better, I assume

So it's really down to where your heads at.

Don't feel there is no hope, there is always hope. No shame or judgement from me, we don't get to pick and chose our mental health. I hope you find what you need

Paying attention to kids is important but attention towards mental health is essential as well. When you yourself stay mentally healthy, then it gets easier to pay attention to kids.

I think you’re in the perfect situation location wise, your mum nearby, close to school and nobody around you? They could put you in the most awful place- I don’t know that a garden means enough to risk that

I totally agree with this.you ha e more going for you that you could potentially lose if you get rehoused.

The council won't move us from living next door to my childs abuser, nor are they willing to move a person I know from their home to help them escape their abusive ex who is now out of prison.
We've both been told an exchange is our best option.

I know that online therapy is going to do absolutely nothing.

You need to be proactive. Push yourself. Get yourself out there and see a therapist in person.

You won’t recover with a defeatist attitude.

You can go on the list for any reason but you’ll be very far down the bottom.

Your best bet is keep trying on Homeswapper.
You may have more luck moving further away - most people have no need to move just a short distance, especially not to an upstairs flat.

You can look up the different bands on the housing list and see if you fit any criteria.

If you have agrophobia, you may not be able to use a garden and so that’s something you need to prepare for.
A new home may not help as much as you think.

You are also going to need to leave the house in order to move.

Ultimately for now whilst you’re still on Homeswapper, it may be better if you look for remote work and then your DH reduces his hours so he can be the primary caregiver and it reduces your guilt.

Housing lists are very long, and whilst your current situation isn't ideal, it would be seen as adequately meeting your needs. Anyone can bid on properties, but you would be low priority.

I'm glad the pre school are being supportive. When are they 4? Just thinking about school - it's unlikely they will be able to come get them from the car - many schools are car free areas. Do you have any friends who can support on days you are struggling more?

You say you are agoraphobic? Thats a fear of crowds? Depending where you live, can you drive to a quiet area so your children can play?

What meds are you on OP?

The moving home thing would be a sticking plaster. Your issues are internal and until they are successfully managed (they may never go away), moving house will just move it somewhere else

DBT isnt right for everyone but how long have you been doing it? These things take time

Me personally, only when my meds were correct for me could I really successfully make progress with therapeutic or self help tactics and strategies. You need to be well enough to be able to utilise it

Is your doctor prescribing the MH meds or is it coming from your MH team? Are you being reviewed enough?

I had to tell the GP (as I dont have a MH team) what meds I needed and the doseage and the timing and the type. Luckily I have a back ground in MH so used that to my advantage and they listened to me but often they'll just put you on any old bog standard thing unfortunately.

The answer is that your network need to step in and do more, not that you get moved to have a garden. You have a DH. He needs to find a way to be home more - find a hybrid working job or go part time. If you can't meet the children's needs at the moment he needs to do more. Do you have any other friends or family who can help too?

OP, they aren't going to move you because you want a garden. I'm sorry but it's just not realistic.

People are literally waiting years, a lady I know was stuck in a 3rd floor flat with no lift for 4 years, waiting to be moved as she was disabled and had to be carried down the stairs if she wanted to go out. This was despite doctors letters and even writing to her MP got nothing but lip service. She lived alone and would have died had there been a fire. The system is fucked. Your desire for a garden is going to be bottom of the priority list.

You may get someone wanting a mutual exchange but people looking to downsize don't usually go for upstairs flats with no garden. They aren't anyone's first choice of property.

You need to be looking at treatment for your mental health, not ways to enable it. Its massively impacting your children, it's really not good for their health to live like this with so little fresh air and exercise.

If your medication isn't working, push your gp for other alternatives. Have you looked into therapy? Try tackling just the agoraphobia first. That's what is the most urgent problem and probably exacerbating the rest.

You aren't hopeless. You are a wonderful loving mum. I hope the pnd lifts soon but I know it's a lot all together with the different conditions. You are a much better parent than your mom, that is a big achievement. Staying inside and playing/reading isn't the worst thing in the world, they do go out on weekends and also will when they go to school.

I have CPTSD, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and a few other acronyms and physical health issues!

There were long periods of time that I couldn't leave the house. Constant panic attacks, I was totally mute for a period of time due to anxiety. It was awful. Anxiety is like an electric fence that closes in tighter and tighter the more you accommodate it. With medication and treatment I went from mute and housebound to getting a job and giving oral presentations.

Good luck x

Did she say she felt like this before children? Sorry I missed that bit, please show me where?

.

Just because you’ve ’been there’ it doesn’t mean it’s ok to try and make someone else feel shit. You are also being very unfair, her depression was under control and she’s struggled post partum, she’s not even a year post partum yet and she couldn’t see into the future when she got pregnant. Stop picking on unwell people on the internet and focus on yourself and your own journey.

Say it louder for the people in the back! 👏

I've also been there. I think the OP is really struggling right now, sometimes you don't have the ability to push right then, it's about surviving and fighting it another day. I also think the OP is pushing, she goes to her mums, she goes to the nursery when she can. It's up to the OP and her treatment team about when and how is right for her to start pushing the boundaries of her condition. I see what you're saying and recovery from MH does require an awful lot of strength, bloody-mindedness and effort from the person, but the OP doesn't have to do it alone and maybe right now when she's spiralling isn't the right time.