Will housing association help me move due to severe mental health issues?

It sounds like you’re putting all your hopes into getting a property with a garden, and that will make everything okay. Sadly, it won’t. As others have said, you could have awful neighbours and no garden is worth that. The best course of action is to stay in your lovely flat and continue treatment or explore other treatments for your mental health issues. I wish you well.

I've no idea if the council/HA can help. Everything sounds great apart from a lack of garden. Good location, mum across the road, kids at a decent school and no issues with the neighbours.

Be careful for what you wish for. After summer is done, your kids could be stuck indoors as a result of torrential rain. You could have the neighbours from hell, a crap school or further to travel etc etc etc.

If your kids are happy focus on your treatment and aim to get better. I really hope things improve for you.

OP, I think you are seeing a move to somewhere with a garden as a magic solution but I don't think it necessarily will be - you might be further away from the nursery so might struggle more with getting your child there, you might have to move nurseries and your one at the moment sounds supportive, you might end up with horrible neighbours so are swopping one problem for another, and if you move areas you might have to swop to a new MH support team. I know it feels hopeless now, but I think you're better focusing on your recovery. I've also had agoraphobia and it is recoverable from. Have you told your treatment team how low and desperate you are feeling? They need to know.

That wasn't my intention.

Can your husbands family take your children out for a walk?

Well, you know something can be the truth and you also don't have to say it right?

The OP has literally started this thread because she wants to change things, so you aren't telling her anything she doesn't already know.

So what's the purpose of your comment? Just to kick her while she's down?

You clearly have NO idea what agoraphobia can be like if you think going to the park is an easier option 🤦‍♀️

Are there any organisations you could speak to to take your children out? Action for children (former children's centres), home start, we also have a few independent organisations locally that support people who need help.

Can you talk to social services?

Can I check what you do for work (if you are currently working) only you mention having your own business with your husband? Is there a way you can do more on that side of things so he can spend an hour a day taking the children to the park? (Assuming this business can be done to some extent online and you take over that side of things).

I agree that you are focusing on the wrong issue. Even if you did manage to move it might make things worse longer term because it means you won't have the same level of incentive to e.g. take kids to the park.

Can you come up with tiny steps to work towards. Take something you can do and then add on a tiny bit extra over time. For example challenge yourself to see if you can stand outside the car one day at nursery, one step away from car, a few steps etc.

Also - have you had bloods done? Low vitamin d can make anxiety worse, perimenopause, low iron etc all worth considering.

Anxiety is quite common for AuDHD. Did you get screened for autism too?

You could try mutual exchange to see if any other tenants elsewhere will swap. You might find there is an older single tenant with a house and garden who wants a flat like yours if the garden has got too much for them. But don't bank on help to get another tenancy of a different property from your current landlord as your housing needs seems to have been met, albeit not ideal from your point of view..

Meanwhile is you mum or husband able to take your children to a local park a couple of times a week? Or does your mum have a garden the children could play in for a couple of hours?

I agree that you are focusing on the wrong issue. Even if you did manage to move it might make things worse longer term because it means you won't have the same level of incentive to e.g. take kids to the park.

Can you come up with tiny steps to work towards. Take something you can do and then add on a tiny bit extra over time. For example challenge yourself to see if you can stand outside the car one day at nursery, one step away from car, a few steps etc.

Also - have you had bloods done? Low vitamin d can make anxiety worse, perimenopause, low iron etc all worth considering.

Anxiety is quite common for AuDHD. Did you get screened for autism too?

Tomorrow, go for a walk with your husband.

What is stopping you? Your husband will be there.
Can you for for a walk to the shop for a chocolate bar?

Just curious how do you & your children exercise if you dont go outside ?

Walk
Bicycle
Swim
Play

I don't understand your condition OP so apologies if this is not appropriate - if you can walk from your front door to the car, could you just stand outside your front door for a few minutes each day and potentially extend that time. Just to become comfortable with being outside but with no pressure to go anywhere?

The wait is very long, even those homeless and sofa surfing have a lot wait so I wouldn't put your hopes on it.

Is there a reason you cant rent privately? Im not sure if ive missed it but is your current place HA?

If you do your mums medication and you are closeby, what will happen if by a miracle you get a house with a garden
.. it is likely to be much further away.

With lists being so long you have more chance of getting your symptoms under control, ive known people on the list for 10 years and still ranking low on the auction system.

Im not trying to be mean by the way, just realistic and I hope you manage to control the panic attacks in time, it must be awful.

OP, are you safe right now? And do your MH team know how low you are feeling? If the answer is no to the first you need to get immediate help. If the answer is no to the second, please tell your MH team first thing tomorrow.

A massive hug 🫂 for you OP.
I had to go back to work when my daughter was 11 months old, so she started nursery then.
I wonder if your littlest could go to the same nursery as your 3 y/o maybe just a couple of mornings a week to begin with?
That would give you extra reason to get there for both kids, and give you a bit of space to try and centre yourself and maybe even take tiny extra steps to recovery without also having to manage childcare.
I appreciate nursery can be expensive, but you could see it as an investment into your health and some extra socialisation and stimulation for your little one which they might really benefit from if you can't often get outside.

Good luck OP xx

I know this all seems overwhelming at the moment , but your current set up sounds ideal in so many ways and you could be put somewhere where you end up feeling unsafe. That would be terrible for your mental health.

Have you been offered graded exposure? Alongside the medication this is what you should really be working on.
Moving house would be a sticking plaster which may meet your needs for a short time. But I take it you want to be able to go to parents nights, school shows, take your children to swimming lessons/dance clubs/football and stay and watch them in the future?
Graded exposure will involve setting goals and working with you to control your symptoms so you can achieve them.

You need to treat the problem not accomodate it.

Your children need to be out and about too or a child in need plan needs to be in place.

You need to prioritise your mental health recovery before looking to move. It’s pretty poor that a mother of two has such severe agoraphobia. I’m sorry you are going through it, but you really ought to have a medication/treatment review. CBT is the recommended therapy for agoraphobia. There’s a safeguarding risk if it’s impacting your children and your husband is working such long hours. I wish you peace and recovery, but do focus on mental health for now.

Is this for real? This is ragebait. It's gotta be ragebait, right?

What is your overall life plan and goals and what are the barriers to achieving them? What support can you get with this? some of the current barriers in your life are obvious at the moment, Viz a Viz the mental health problems and not having jobs , cost of housing and moving to where you might find work and more support for childcare, but you need to think about what you both might be able to do to overcome them in the medium to long term, even if the process is slow and you can only think about one at a time..

@suffering7 don't move. Just look at all the posts on here with people who have awful neighbours!

You need to focus on your MH and the welfare of children.

You cannot keep your children in the house 5 days straight. Can anyone else take them out or help you leave the house?

Rather than online therapy, you need a therapist that can come to your house and help you manage your fears.

Ragebait? What? Why?

Agree re: the bad neighbours. They can really cause stress and worsen existing MH issues. Don’t try and move OP. Instead, try and work on your issues.

I’m not the poster you responded to, but OP started this thread not to change things (she would need to be proactive to do so and she is currently in defeatist woe-is-me mode) but to pin her hopes on a garden that she thinks will fix everything.

It won’t.

She should never have had a baby in this situation. It was selfish and it is so unhealthy for any child, let alone a baby, to have to live like this.

She can fully recover, but at the moment she is choosing not to do so.