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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What sort of family would you not want to marry into?

124 replies

BeLimeViewer · 04/08/2026 15:47

A criminal one

OP posts:
Suchevilforebodings · 04/08/2026 17:19

One with a culture that expects women to act in a certain way.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 04/08/2026 17:21

One where dogs are the pets of choice.

PansPerson · 04/08/2026 17:22

Domineering, and interfering in-laws

Oxo01 · 04/08/2026 17:22

Big drinkers

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 04/08/2026 17:24

MindThePause · 04/08/2026 15:56

I don’t recommend marrying minor royalty from far, far away.

And Italian mother-in-laws who embody the stereotype are hard work. Top tip - Always wear a shower cap in case of sudden drenches of Holy Water from behind to “get Satan out” of you.

huh?

Speaking from experience? that sounds bizarre!

MyKindHiker · 04/08/2026 17:24

ExOptimist · 04/08/2026 16:16

One where several members have autism or mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.

One where the men are treated better than women.

A criminal one.

One where there are lots of children by different fathers and where divorce is common.

One where education isn't a priority.

One where people have a lack of ambition.

One where the members are really loud, brash and drunken when they get together.

One where they can't pronounce 'th' and speak with a really strong accent.

Ouch! Given my family has a history of mental health and autism problems.

But, you are right. Passing on a genetic legacy to future kids is quite a cross to bear. I did pass the genetic legacy on to my kids and feel guilty about it.

blueshoes · 04/08/2026 17:24

I just realised from reading this thread that there are lots of families I don't want to marry into that I never even considered.

I think if you marry a dh with similar values whose family has similar values, then you avoid a lot of the pitfalls like a Benidorm family. That said, there can still be individual toxic characters within a family which also deserve a swerve.

TallSturdyGirls · 04/08/2026 17:25

People stupid enough to fall for Right wing media and Reform. (FiL is a dumb fuck)

Bigots, zealots or over bearing familes.
MIL is perfect. Easy going, open minded, fun but independent. Luckily they are separated

Minasama · 04/08/2026 17:27

A foreign or culturally different one.
Having lived abroad for many years and had serious relationships with several lovely foreign men, I am super-grateful that I ended up marrying an English man from the town I grew up in. I am also English and we “get” each other completely and do not have foreign family, culture, distance or habits/expectations to deal with.

Supersimkin7 · 04/08/2026 17:28

The Spencers, Diana’s family. Gasp Factor Foul for centuries, still at it.

Elsvieta · 04/08/2026 17:33

The kind where there's millions of them and they move as a pack; always together, nobody can be alone ever, very enmeshed. My father's were like this but they didn't live nearby and I didn't see them often; it was always a shock to the system, being from a quieter sort of environment where people didn't have massive families and spend every Sunday all gathering at one house, at least twenty of them. They weren't actually bad people but they were a bit bloody overpowering.

LauritaEvita · 04/08/2026 17:44

CoffeeCantata · 04/08/2026 17:16

I wouldn’t mind that. I can cope with different points of view without cancelling the other person though.

Show quote history

Same. I’d be more wary of a flag waving pro Pal family as know they’d be ready to jump me if I dared to query anything.

godmum56 · 04/08/2026 17:49

saveforthat · 04/08/2026 16:05

One where the "culture" demands you act in a certain way (usually complying to the belief that women are second class citizens).

this for me too. I'd describe it as a family with behaviour expectations

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 17:51

IronEverything · 04/08/2026 16:05

A poor family
A family with all sorts of half/step family members
A co-dependent family
A family with no sense of humour
A family who won't care for each others kids

Your first 2 points are outrageously snobby.
You think poor people are beneath you? How shallow.

AlgaeDreams · 04/08/2026 17:52

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 04/08/2026 15:50

A racist, sexist, homophobic or ablist one.

A criminal one.

An unkind one

An emotionally illiterate one.

An interfering/controlling one.

A cold, uninterested one.

This.

tooloololoo · 04/08/2026 17:53

Asian one

Pedant61 · 04/08/2026 17:53

38thparallel · 04/08/2026 16:22

26 posts and no one has said ‘a family who votes Tory’?

Because that would be perfectly fine....people can vote any way they like (and obviously, not everyone in a family would vote the same way!).
Also, I'm not sure how I would even know, tbh.

Mumtotornadoes · 04/08/2026 17:54

A really close one, you know they're just gonna be toxic af and hate boundaries.
A smoker one.

Unfortunately I married into both 🤦 we're currently NC with PILs.

Culpeper · 04/08/2026 17:55

A boring one. I did. Family gatherings are torture.

*My husband escaped the dull gene.

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 17:58

hattie43 · 04/08/2026 16:56

An Animal hating rough poor family .

Again, I’m shocked people are so snobby about poverty. How depressing.
I have a one income household, have enough for everything I need and quite a bit that I want, but I’m probably looked at as ‘poor’.
I’m staggered that people would judge my wonderful, smart, kind, educated children on the fact that I AM poor and divorced.

Christ on a fucking bike people disappoint me.

JHound · 04/08/2026 18:03

BeLimeViewer · 04/08/2026 15:47

A criminal one

A racist one. Maybe not a criminal one but it depends on how much distance I can place and how much risk it causes to my life.

Also one that is too interfering.

JHound · 04/08/2026 18:05

TVDinnerandwine · 04/08/2026 15:58

I married for money, so a poor one

Did you like your husband / wife / spouse at all?

HollyhocksandPeons · 04/08/2026 18:06

scatterolight · 04/08/2026 15:54

Families with divorce, kids by multiple dads, blended families, families where members have gone "no contact". Basically all red flags for marriage stability and family cohesion.

This

JHound · 04/08/2026 18:10

I will say though - I would maybe struggle to be with somebody from a very posh / upper class family.

I am common as much / part of the underclass by birth and would be too stressed trying to have my rough family around his posh one (though I love my family.) I would prefer a man from a working class background but who had done well for himself!

HollyhocksandPeons · 04/08/2026 18:10

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 17:51

Your first 2 points are outrageously snobby.
You think poor people are beneath you? How shallow.

Show quote history

Probably does not think they are beneath her, just does not want to be rinsed at every opportunity.