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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is the largest wild animal you could fight off?

263 replies

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:14

You’re walking in the countryside. An animal resents your presence and it goes for you.

One simple question.

What is the largest wild animal you think you could successfully fight off?

It doesn’t have to be a British wild animal. Feel free to choose a Koala or a Baboon, etc. if you wish.

OP posts:
Busybookworm · 04/08/2026 10:12

I think a wasp is about my limit. I’m definitely not one of nature’s fighters.

very much enjoying the koala fingerprint fact!

SquashPenguin · 04/08/2026 10:14

DinoLil · 04/08/2026 09:18

A hamster.

But have you seen the giant hamsters that live in a cemetery in Vienna? I’m not even making that up.

booksnbaking · 04/08/2026 10:15

@BeSharpHelper
”My dh has been attacked and violated by monkeys several times”

Crumbs …

TisEye · 04/08/2026 10:17

There's a squirrel in my garden giving it large every time I hang the washing out.

I honestly feel a bit intimidated.
The barely contained rage within that small creature means s/he could probably take me down.

A rat maybe?

AyeAyeCaptian · 04/08/2026 10:26

I reckon I could take on a hare and win. Might need to do some nifty kick boxing to do it though.

Hidingthegoodchocolate · 04/08/2026 10:26

Possibly a pigeon? Nothing with teeth.

Will now spend the day imagining all the ways small countryside creatures are superior to me 😂

Davros · 04/08/2026 10:27

Like a few others, I’m thinking a little deer (not Bambi), maybe a Muntjac. Then I could hang its body for two weeks and try eating it. I can’t cook though so would need help with that part. And the skinning/disembowling.

randomchap · 04/08/2026 10:28

Something small, herbivore, with no claws or sharp teeth

Possibly a rabbit, but not General Woundwort

oliil4l · 04/08/2026 10:31

If we are being completely honest, most of us overestimate our fighting abilities against wild animals. Realistically, a medium sized dog or a badger is probably the absolute upper limit for an average human, and even then you would come out with serious scratches and a bruised ego. Anything larger, like a baboon, has sharp teeth and incredible muscle density that would make quick work of a human. I might pretend I could manage a badger, but in reality, a determined goose would likely make me rethink my life choices.

NoraLuka · 04/08/2026 10:31

Ooh good question! I’ve been thinking about this since a wolf was spotted in our local forest and I thought about what I’d do if I bumped into it when out running.

Possibly a small fox or a roe deer? Definitely not a badger or a wild boar.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 04/08/2026 10:33

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:31

Yes, I was saying that despite the sharp teeth and claws, I could take one down. However, others have put me straight. It’s clear if I encountered a badger it would not end well (for me).

Show quote history

From experience 😂if you run straight at a badger, screaming bloody Jesus, and bounce a few plant pots off it's arse, you'll win!

To clarify, said badger was eating one of my chooks, it was 3am, and I was very, very pissed off!

smallglassbottle · 04/08/2026 10:34

A sloth perhaps. I could also defeat a few tardigrades if they ganged up, but no more than a half dozen.

Kizmet1 · 04/08/2026 10:35

A goldfish. But only if we were on land with no significant puddles nearby.

chirrupybird · 04/08/2026 10:36

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:17

I think anything with claws or sharp teeth would be problematic. However, I was thinking badger.

To be clear, this is hand to hand combat. No weapons or tools.

Edited

I wouldn't take on a badger, they are built like a tank and have big teeth and claws.

Fiddlesticks1 · 04/08/2026 10:37

A spider. 🤣🤣

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 04/08/2026 10:39

corblimeymlud · 04/08/2026 09:35

I think I could take on a rabbit 😂

I was attacked as a child by a friends absolutely feral male rabbit and he tore me to shreds. Rabbits, when they decide to go for you, absolutely commit and have no fear. And their claws are about an inch long!!

corblimeymlud · 04/08/2026 10:40

AmyDudley · 04/08/2026 09:46

I like to think I could rugby tackle a small deer.

In reality, I once picked up a mouse that was in the middle of the road, to put it in the verge, and it bit me, so I give mice a wide berth.
I've also been attacked by a large bird of prey and it won.

So the deer is probably wishful thinking and my limit is most likely a fruit fly.

😂😂😂 I now have images of women rugby tackling small deer all over the country based on this thread !

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 04/08/2026 10:46

A neighbour (a farmer) was almost killed by a ram - crushed pelvis, broken ribs and broken ankle - so I think sheep are out I'm afraid...

I was also bitten and scratched by a squirrel at an animal rescue place as I tried to change its water bowl. Went absolutely batshit trying to escape it's cage and I needed stitches!!

I think my limit would be a midgie (but a cloud of them would win)

FusionChefGeoff · 04/08/2026 10:47

I fucking love Mumsnet well done @Tsham

Papster · 04/08/2026 10:49

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:14

You’re walking in the countryside. An animal resents your presence and it goes for you.

One simple question.

What is the largest wild animal you think you could successfully fight off?

It doesn’t have to be a British wild animal. Feel free to choose a Koala or a Baboon, etc. if you wish.

A baboon would kill you if it wanted.
Chimp ditto
I think I could handle a koala

Papster · 04/08/2026 10:51

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 04/08/2026 10:39

I was attacked as a child by a friends absolutely feral male rabbit and he tore me to shreds. Rabbits, when they decide to go for you, absolutely commit and have no fear. And their claws are about an inch long!!

Show quote history

Still got the scar on my leg.
Childhood friend’s rabbit surveyed me, hopped forward and bit a chunk out of it

AngelinaFibres · 04/08/2026 10:54

Yello24 · 04/08/2026 09:19

Well I’m probably overthinking this but you’d want a very large one but not a carnivore and therefore lacking teeth and claws and all that. So probably a blue whale (on land).
Then a blue whale on land wouldn’t attack me so… a Llama maybe.

A llama would spit in your eyes and disable your ability to fight it off because you'd be running around gagging and flapping.Oh and they kick too

SwirlyGates · 04/08/2026 10:54

NoraLuka · 04/08/2026 10:31

Ooh good question! I’ve been thinking about this since a wolf was spotted in our local forest and I thought about what I’d do if I bumped into it when out running.

Possibly a small fox or a roe deer? Definitely not a badger or a wild boar.

I'd look for a tree to climb. Not that I've climbed a tree in 50 years, so that might not be a successful strategy.

We humans are pretty weedy really, aren't we?

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2026 10:56

i reckon I'd stand a good chance against a trash panda. I think what the grown up name for them is 🤣

randomchap · 04/08/2026 10:59

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2026 10:56

i reckon I'd stand a good chance against a trash panda. I think what the grown up name for them is 🤣

Raccoon?

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