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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is the largest wild animal you could fight off?

263 replies

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:14

You’re walking in the countryside. An animal resents your presence and it goes for you.

One simple question.

What is the largest wild animal you think you could successfully fight off?

It doesn’t have to be a British wild animal. Feel free to choose a Koala or a Baboon, etc. if you wish.

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 04/08/2026 12:36

Not that many

i was trying to help a mouse get out of my house with a broom, the mouse puffed himself up and I think the noise he made was a growl (not sure what he thought the bro was but it made him angry)

have also seen a squirrel get aggressive and they have sharpe teeth

maybe a kitten

DistantEarlyWarning · 04/08/2026 12:39

HumberSquid · 04/08/2026 11:47

Are you sure? They have some serious claws.

Show quote history

I don’t think they’d be good in a fight though. I’m now going to have to google “can giant anteaters stand on their back legs?” aren’t I 😂.

They can! Awesomely terrifying.

I am downgrading my anteater claim to possibly a tamandua, which are extremely cute.

OneMoreProfiterole · 04/08/2026 12:39

BeSharpHelper · 04/08/2026 10:00

I have had better results fighting humans rhan animals . We once had a trapped mole and tried to push/ direct it with a broom into a laundry basket so we could get it outside and it pushed back !! Nearly dropped the broom. A dog is impossible if it’s really riled up even a small dog, been slashed by a cat , bitten by a horse in the middle of my shoulder blades, chased by a field of cows . My dh has been attacked and violated by monkeys several times , they hate him for some reason. Maybe I could fight off a shrew.

bitten by a horse in the middle of my shoulder blades

Yeah… you know we’re gonna need to see that scar 😕

ohreallyIsee · 04/08/2026 12:41

A seagull, have had fun with them in the past(nest on our road)

dd1 once got chased by a badger she accidently annoyed🤣

EmotionalSupportGoblin · 04/08/2026 12:45

I think I’d be alright with a sloth.

onesinglepringle · 04/08/2026 12:46

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:17

I think anything with claws or sharp teeth would be problematic. However, I was thinking badger.

To be clear, this is hand to hand combat. No weapons or tools.

Edited

Badgers can be pretty fierce and have tough claws, teeth and skin. I would not want to be on the receiving end of an unhappy badger.

It's not all about size. Most people could fight off a sheep or an alpaca, which are bigger, but would come off a lot worse for wear with a badger (if they even managed it).

Livpool · 04/08/2026 12:48

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 04/08/2026 11:36

Hamster? Hamster you say? I think not! Ask any vet or veterinary nurse.

Nothing then, as that was my limit

Finsku · 04/08/2026 12:50

A mouse, perhaps. Maybe a trout, if I was paddling in a river.

Ohcrap082024 · 04/08/2026 12:51

I’ve just asked my teens.

DD15 thinks she could fight a sheep.
DS18 thinks he would be “King of the Jungle”. Says it all really.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 04/08/2026 12:53

Rabbit or cat, preferably a ragdoll and not my white rescue monster who bites me on the regular, she could take me down

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 04/08/2026 12:55

Also anyone saying badger, this year there was a story about an angler needing stitches from a badger attack!

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 04/08/2026 12:55

I have swung a stick at a black bear while camping.

It was absolutely terrifying!

I do still go camping but I carry bear spray now.

ghostyslovesheets · 04/08/2026 12:59

I had my skirt ripped off by a baboon and my daughter was bitch slapped by a macaque as a toddler so monkeys have already beaten me!

I could take a pigeon or a hedgehog or maybe a fainting goat!

Cows are evil and I love horses but no!

pigs bite - maybe a manky fox?

I was in the garden one evening last week and for some reason I was slagging off magpies - one suddenly appeared on the fence and just stared at me for a good 10 mins - I apologised to it repeatedly but I think they would collectively kick my ass now

canuckup · 04/08/2026 13:00

Wild turkey??

Not sure who could manage a baboon

😂

plinkityplank · 04/08/2026 13:03

All these people saying koala! You’d fight a koala?

id just cuddle it into submission. 😍

HaroldMeaker · 04/08/2026 13:05

GentleSheep · 04/08/2026 09:49

Probably a hedgehog. I mean, I could just provoke it to roll into a ball then gently push it down a slope, and escape!

I was once attacked by a hedgehog that leapt on me and clung to my trousers with its teeth even though I did a full on panic dance. So I would say don’t underestimate a hedgehog. I could probably manage to fight off a mole or something.

JudyTeeny · 04/08/2026 13:09

A mouse.

GentleSheep · 04/08/2026 13:43

HaroldMeaker · 04/08/2026 13:05

I was once attacked by a hedgehog that leapt on me and clung to my trousers with its teeth even though I did a full on panic dance. So I would say don’t underestimate a hedgehog. I could probably manage to fight off a mole or something.

Show quote history

Oh good grief!! I am downgrading to 'snails' now. 😂

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/08/2026 14:01

Anybody thinking they wouldn't regret fighting a goldfish, be very selective about the size of them. They're carp.

Carp have pharyngeal teeth - but what's actually more of a concern are the gill rakers.

The loudest yelp I've ever heard was the idiot ex deciding to hold a tiny Perch in his hand, though. Smart fishes, smart evolution there.

I'd be happy with my chances against a slow worm, newt or toad.

OtterlyAstounding · 04/08/2026 14:17

Probably a sloth would be the biggest I could safely tackle. But I'd like to think I could at least escape some larger herbivores, and I could probably manage to fight off smaller carnivores like cats and small dogs, as long as they came at me one at a time, and my neck was protected.

JesseDavisGonnaHangOnInThereNSoul · 04/08/2026 14:22

A polar bear cos I'm aaard as nails me.
I asked AI if I could pat the above ..a resounding no
I ask Ai all manner of stupid questions.

littlebigchicken · 04/08/2026 14:25

An African elephant with a pride of lions ride on its back.

HumberSquid · 04/08/2026 14:26

Got to say, reading these responses, Im feeling like a winner. Can I claim a Galapagus giant tortoise as my prize, so I can prove my claim?

HumberSquid · 04/08/2026 14:28

Also, reading this, its really clear why we invented weapons and tolerate men.

orangehandles · 04/08/2026 14:42

I could stand my ground with a Dartmoor pony, however having been to Africa and seen what baboons are like, there's no way I'd hang around long enough to get in a tussle with one of them.

I have also come off worst in a confrontation with a feral domestic cat, so they are out of my comfort zone too.

If a goose tells me to go away, I go.😁

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