AIBU to think Jess should identify her ex after passport update?

I personally think she's brilliant for raising awareness. I too am in the same position. My ex withdrew his permission with weeks to go for our 2 children to go to Florida. My children were heartbroken. He tried to use the CMS as leverage and told me it could all go away if I 'got them off his back'. I had to re schedule the holiday for the year after and take it to court. Fortunately, the judge I had saw my ex was an abusive prick and gave me a specific issue order for that holiday then insisted on a child arrangement order to avoid repeated court hearings. This protected me so I would never have to ask my ex to take my children on holiday. My ex contested the CAO and then didn't show his face so was granted on his absence. He didn't want to lool like the idiot he is as he did not have an valid reasons as to why his children can't go on holiday. These 'men' are out there.

I told everyone what my ex did. He retaliated by calling the police. They rang me and I told them I stand by everything I say as it is all true. I told them it isn't slander as he claimed if it's facts. The police said I had done nothing wrong. So then he tried the civil route to try and silence me and applied for a non molestation order. This was also unsuccessful but caused me so much stress having to go before the court. What annoyed me was in the closing speech the legal advisor said I should not be doing anything to cause anyone distress! What about the distress of his own children?! These people are actually dangerous so I think Jess is doing the right thing by not publicly naming and shaming her ex.

It's not as simple as just going to court. Family court is ridiculously expensive. I have a friend going through a similar situation and he has spent thousands going to court. The court order was broken last January, the court date wasn't until June but due to complications the order wasn't amended until February of this year.

I just wish she hadn't had to cancel that holiday because I bet her ex thinks the holiday didn't even exist. At least she can take him to small claims court where he can see the evidence & she can recoup what she's lost by cancelling, if it was non refundable.

No idea who she is but I am staggered she is posting all this on social media. That can't be in the best interests of the children

I have been through a separation with an ex who continued to be abusive post separation and there are all sorts of stories I can tell but that's my children's private life I would be plastering on social media. And I also learnt very quickly that grey rock really is the best technique

Perhaps see what she does and the change she is campaigning for. I think she is absolutely fantastic and I wish she was around when I was going through post separation abuse.

I don’t really understand her latest post if I’m honest - does she post on Facebook differently to other platforms? One video was saying she’d follow up with some plane reels suggesting they were in fact going away and then there was a really non sensical one about flags on passport? And about how Mr Jess isn’t going now?

I’d not heard of her but it strikes me that, although it’s important to shine a light on this very common ex behaviour (mostly the men) it’s the total opposite of grey rock which it sounds like her ex needs.

I get the impression he does what he can legally to mess with her as much as possible. And then obviously gets to see her being pissed off.

I didnt understand the bit about the passports being potentially invalid and being flagged?

Her ex is clearly a nasty dickhead. But sometimes I think she comes across as being equally petty and point scoring and as pp have said, she is very publicly and indelibly slagging off her children’s Dad-which is not going to do them or the situation any good.

You can campaign and advise without talking in so much detail, with added screen shots-about your own ongoing situation.

DH’s ex wife has and does behave similarly to Jess’s ex frequently. It’s tempting to ‘out’ her sometimes as she has managed to convince some people in her life that she is an angel and we are the problem. But we don’t because whatever else she is she is the children’s mum and they are half of her and would be really upset to find that she is actually a nasty piece of work. They will either work it out on their own or not as they get older, which is the right thing. Posting it on social media for everyone to see would inflame the situation and make us as bad as her in my view.

This is exactly what I thought. Part of me feels like it was a set up and she was digging her heels in about asking for the passports

I’m grateful for people like Jess sharing her story. I wish there had been someone when I was going through DV, financial abuse, emotional abuse and coercive control. I felt very alone and very much like it was my fault.

To anyone passing comment who hasn’t been in a similar situation, you really can’t understand.

what I don’t understand also is….. if the passports have to be handed over a month before according to the court order why has it been left to the night before to start chasing it?…. Why didn’t she just take him to court a month ago? Unless it was a last minute booking which given how much she likes to point out she follows the wording of the court order to the letter was a risky thing to do if that is the case? She knows he doesn’t always look at the parenting app so she should have just messaged him directly - I don’t get it - she married him and had 2 kids with him? If he missed the month before deadline she’d have had time to take him to court no?

Well no, even an ‘emergency’ family court date can be 6 months wait-there is no such thing realistically. And it’s expensive, stressful, you hope the person will just see reason. She had asked for the passports lots of times via the app and I assume via her eldest child towards the departure date (.hence when they ex lied to the kid).

I have been in that situation. I still don't understand why courting so much publicity about how much she thinks her ex sucks is likely to be good for her children.

God imagine messing up your kids trip to Disney to annoy an ex. How evil can you be.

I don't know how to feel about her content - on the one hand it's great to raise awareness, but I agree with pp - it can't be good for her children to be exposed to it, and with her following there can be no guarantee that they don't see it.

If her ex is a terrible as suggested & he sees her instagram, then it would be surprising if he didn't tell the children.

I have to agree with a pp - there are some elements of her content which do have a narcissistic edge - there is a superiority/ grandiosity in the delivery, a real need for validation & admiration and a sensitivity to criticism. None of these make her a narcissist of course, and could be symptomatic of a defence mechanism she's built around herself?

The latest video about her husband's ex, followed up by a dramatic shot of them gazing emotionally into the distance to Adele's Hometown is clearly intended for dramatic effect - especially teasing the fact they are about to disclose his story with his ex. It feels a bit threatening...'you anger me & I'll expose you' and also a little cringe worthy.

There's no way that people in their real life can't identify them - and in turn their partners.

I’m sure I’ve seen a post of hers where she she said he obviously does see the content as the son had seen searches for “jessrunsforsurvivors” in the search history

presumably her kids could easily search for them too on any device

its obvious they do a lot of content for subscribers/followers as they do the whole “hook” thing - posting a short clip promising more info etc

Totally agree, awful situation to be in and he sounds like the worst.

My point was more to everyone who says the son should just stop going if he has such a horrible time there. She doesn't say he has a horrible time although it doesn't sound like they have the nicest time either.

I've just been rewatching some of the content & can see that more stories are coming out about her current husband's ex.

Has anyone in this particular situation been convicted of abuse? I guess the issue with posting in a very public forum, with a big following - who is to be believed?

Obviously it's entirely possible that both she & 'Mr Jess' have suffered abuse. Her stories detail the fact she that Mr Jess has been accused of abuse by his ex - so do we immediately disbelieve his ex wife because she isn't on instagram?

I just don't know & feel a bit uncomfortable with the fact both ex's must be easily identifiable to those in their communities.

Something is very off with her. I don’t believe she had a holiday booked. Why wait to chase passports when as per court order it’s 4 weeks before holiday to notify other parent holiday details. If you look at the parenting app message on her video it shows he asked for those details and she didn’t reply?! Why cancel supposed plane tickets when still had time to get passports? Then say she’s saved the day and plane reel is coming yet she’s on a uk holiday ? Oh and Mr Jess apparently couldn’t go all of a sudden? Why, is it because he never booked any time off work as there was no holiday booked. It’s all bs for views and now she’s moving onto Mr Jess’ ex as like someone else mentioned we only taking his word for it? Hmmmm very off and I bet we don’t get proof of apparent booked and cancelled holiday. Watch this space.

Can anyone instagram-savvy estimate how much she’s making from posting…?

I would agree with you. Something really off about the whole thing.
Also, I think a lot of her followers hang around for the next instalment of the saga, the cynical part of me thinks there must be pressure to deliver some drama to keep people engaged…

I think she gives some good advice on post separation abuse and how to handle when the other parent is being tricky, however having been there myself, I still don’t think it’s in the kids’ best interests to put it all online.