AIBU to think Jess should identify her ex after passport update?

I personally think she's brilliant for raising awareness. I too am in the same position. My ex withdrew his permission with weeks to go for our 2 children to go to Florida. My children were heartbroken. He tried to use the CMS as leverage and told me it could all go away if I 'got them off his back'. I had to re schedule the holiday for the year after and take it to court. Fortunately, the judge I had saw my ex was an abusive prick and gave me a specific issue order for that holiday then insisted on a child arrangement order to avoid repeated court hearings. This protected me so I would never have to ask my ex to take my children on holiday. My ex contested the CAO and then didn't show his face so was granted on his absence. He didn't want to lool like the idiot he is as he did not have an valid reasons as to why his children can't go on holiday. These 'men' are out there.

I told everyone what my ex did. He retaliated by calling the police. They rang me and I told them I stand by everything I say as it is all true. I told them it isn't slander as he claimed if it's facts. The police said I had done nothing wrong. So then he tried the civil route to try and silence me and applied for a non molestation order. This was also unsuccessful but caused me so much stress having to go before the court. What annoyed me was in the closing speech the legal advisor said I should not be doing anything to cause anyone distress! What about the distress of his own children?! These people are actually dangerous so I think Jess is doing the right thing by not publicly naming and shaming her ex.

It's not as simple as just going to court. Family court is ridiculously expensive. I have a friend going through a similar situation and he has spent thousands going to court. The court order was broken last January, the court date wasn't until June but due to complications the order wasn't amended until February of this year.

I just wish she hadn't had to cancel that holiday because I bet her ex thinks the holiday didn't even exist. At least she can take him to small claims court where he can see the evidence & she can recoup what she's lost by cancelling, if it was non refundable.

No idea who she is but I am staggered she is posting all this on social media. That can't be in the best interests of the children

I have been through a separation with an ex who continued to be abusive post separation and there are all sorts of stories I can tell but that's my children's private life I would be plastering on social media. And I also learnt very quickly that grey rock really is the best technique

Perhaps see what she does and the change she is campaigning for. I think she is absolutely fantastic and I wish she was around when I was going through post separation abuse.

I don’t really understand her latest post if I’m honest - does she post on Facebook differently to other platforms? One video was saying she’d follow up with some plane reels suggesting they were in fact going away and then there was a really non sensical one about flags on passport? And about how Mr Jess isn’t going now?

I’d not heard of her but it strikes me that, although it’s important to shine a light on this very common ex behaviour (mostly the men) it’s the total opposite of grey rock which it sounds like her ex needs.

I get the impression he does what he can legally to mess with her as much as possible. And then obviously gets to see her being pissed off.

I didnt understand the bit about the passports being potentially invalid and being flagged?

Her ex is clearly a nasty dickhead. But sometimes I think she comes across as being equally petty and point scoring and as pp have said, she is very publicly and indelibly slagging off her children’s Dad-which is not going to do them or the situation any good.

You can campaign and advise without talking in so much detail, with added screen shots-about your own ongoing situation.

DH’s ex wife has and does behave similarly to Jess’s ex frequently. It’s tempting to ‘out’ her sometimes as she has managed to convince some people in her life that she is an angel and we are the problem. But we don’t because whatever else she is she is the children’s mum and they are half of her and would be really upset to find that she is actually a nasty piece of work. They will either work it out on their own or not as they get older, which is the right thing. Posting it on social media for everyone to see would inflame the situation and make us as bad as her in my view.

This is exactly what I thought. Part of me feels like it was a set up and she was digging her heels in about asking for the passports

I’m grateful for people like Jess sharing her story. I wish there had been someone when I was going through DV, financial abuse, emotional abuse and coercive control. I felt very alone and very much like it was my fault.

To anyone passing comment who hasn’t been in a similar situation, you really can’t understand.

what I don’t understand also is….. if the passports have to be handed over a month before according to the court order why has it been left to the night before to start chasing it?…. Why didn’t she just take him to court a month ago? Unless it was a last minute booking which given how much she likes to point out she follows the wording of the court order to the letter was a risky thing to do if that is the case? She knows he doesn’t always look at the parenting app so she should have just messaged him directly - I don’t get it - she married him and had 2 kids with him? If he missed the month before deadline she’d have had time to take him to court no?

Well no, even an ‘emergency’ family court date can be 6 months wait-there is no such thing realistically. And it’s expensive, stressful, you hope the person will just see reason. She had asked for the passports lots of times via the app and I assume via her eldest child towards the departure date (.hence when they ex lied to the kid).