AIBU to think Jess should identify her ex after passport update?

Well no, even an ‘emergency’ family court date can be 6 months wait-there is no such thing realistically. And it’s expensive, stressful, you hope the person will just see reason. She had asked for the passports lots of times via the app and I assume via her eldest child towards the departure date (.hence when they ex lied to the kid).

what I don’t understand also is….. if the passports have to be handed over a month before according to the court order why has it been left to the night before to start chasing it?…. Why didn’t she just take him to court a month ago? Unless it was a last minute booking which given how much she likes to point out she follows the wording of the court order to the letter was a risky thing to do if that is the case? She knows he doesn’t always look at the parenting app so she should have just messaged him directly - I don’t get it - she married him and had 2 kids with him? If he missed the month before deadline she’d have had time to take him to court no?

I’m grateful for people like Jess sharing her story. I wish there had been someone when I was going through DV, financial abuse, emotional abuse and coercive control. I felt very alone and very much like it was my fault.

To anyone passing comment who hasn’t been in a similar situation, you really can’t understand.

This is exactly what I thought. Part of me feels like it was a set up and she was digging her heels in about asking for the passports

I didnt understand the bit about the passports being potentially invalid and being flagged?

Her ex is clearly a nasty dickhead. But sometimes I think she comes across as being equally petty and point scoring and as pp have said, she is very publicly and indelibly slagging off her children’s Dad-which is not going to do them or the situation any good.

You can campaign and advise without talking in so much detail, with added screen shots-about your own ongoing situation.

DH’s ex wife has and does behave similarly to Jess’s ex frequently. It’s tempting to ‘out’ her sometimes as she has managed to convince some people in her life that she is an angel and we are the problem. But we don’t because whatever else she is she is the children’s mum and they are half of her and would be really upset to find that she is actually a nasty piece of work. They will either work it out on their own or not as they get older, which is the right thing. Posting it on social media for everyone to see would inflame the situation and make us as bad as her in my view.

I’d not heard of her but it strikes me that, although it’s important to shine a light on this very common ex behaviour (mostly the men) it’s the total opposite of grey rock which it sounds like her ex needs.

I get the impression he does what he can legally to mess with her as much as possible. And then obviously gets to see her being pissed off.

I don’t really understand her latest post if I’m honest - does she post on Facebook differently to other platforms? One video was saying she’d follow up with some plane reels suggesting they were in fact going away and then there was a really non sensical one about flags on passport? And about how Mr Jess isn’t going now?

Perhaps see what she does and the change she is campaigning for. I think she is absolutely fantastic and I wish she was around when I was going through post separation abuse.

No idea who she is but I am staggered she is posting all this on social media. That can't be in the best interests of the children

I have been through a separation with an ex who continued to be abusive post separation and there are all sorts of stories I can tell but that's my children's private life I would be plastering on social media. And I also learnt very quickly that grey rock really is the best technique

I just wish she hadn't had to cancel that holiday because I bet her ex thinks the holiday didn't even exist. At least she can take him to small claims court where he can see the evidence & she can recoup what she's lost by cancelling, if it was non refundable.

It's not as simple as just going to court. Family court is ridiculously expensive. I have a friend going through a similar situation and he has spent thousands going to court. The court order was broken last January, the court date wasn't until June but due to complications the order wasn't amended until February of this year.

I told everyone what my ex did. He retaliated by calling the police. They rang me and I told them I stand by everything I say as it is all true. I told them it isn't slander as he claimed if it's facts. The police said I had done nothing wrong. So then he tried the civil route to try and silence me and applied for a non molestation order. This was also unsuccessful but caused me so much stress having to go before the court. What annoyed me was in the closing speech the legal advisor said I should not be doing anything to cause anyone distress! What about the distress of his own children?! These people are actually dangerous so I think Jess is doing the right thing by not publicly naming and shaming her ex.

I personally think she's brilliant for raising awareness. I too am in the same position. My ex withdrew his permission with weeks to go for our 2 children to go to Florida. My children were heartbroken. He tried to use the CMS as leverage and told me it could all go away if I 'got them off his back'. I had to re schedule the holiday for the year after and take it to court. Fortunately, the judge I had saw my ex was an abusive prick and gave me a specific issue order for that holiday then insisted on a child arrangement order to avoid repeated court hearings. This protected me so I would never have to ask my ex to take my children on holiday. My ex contested the CAO and then didn't show his face so was granted on his absence. He didn't want to lool like the idiot he is as he did not have an valid reasons as to why his children can't go on holiday. These 'men' are out there.

I felt very sorry for her today. Ex has got what he wanted, he’s ruined the holiday, she’s taking the kids away alone and without her husband as he can’t go at that time. What a nasty piece of shit that man is. So hung up on hate for her that he’s prepared to destroy his own children. She is going back to court and mark my words, the kids will vote with their feet eventually. She looked absolutely battered with it all.

You've no idea what you're talking about. Her son being a teenager and being able to choose whether to go or not does not mean he has a good time there! Abusive parents are very good at manipulating their own children! My 14 year old daughter would choose not to go to her dads in a heartbeat and I would respect her decision, but he manipulates her to go, she also goes because she doesn't want her little brother to be on his own there. She also knows he will blow up her phone if she doesn't go. She in noway has a good time while she is there and hates it and it breaks my heart! Him still choosing to go does not mean he has a good time there. And judging by his behaviour and stuff he's already put that lad through, I don't think for one minute he has a good time there. He has also mentioned before that his dad and GF have had him in tears slagging off his mum and being nasty to him. 13 is still very young to make a choice like that and stick to it.

And if you watched all her videos, she is taking it to court about the passports! So it can't happen again.

I don't believe she's said anything about the children not having a nice time at their dad's, as far as I can remember. She's said a couple of things about them spending more time with his gf than him but that's about it. From what she says, she doesn't talk to the children about any of the issues other than anything factual like the dad having the passports. I dont think it's a case of the children wanting to stop contact but a case of how intentionally difficult he makes her life

Im Not saying the kids have a better time with him than they do her - but that their time with him maybe isn’t as bad as she wants to admit / is willing to accept. Otherwise the eldest who must be around 13 can absolutely refuse and his wishes would be taken into account. Most of the posts involve the eldest after all so why isn’t he? And since if the court order states the passports have to be handed over 1 month before the father is in breach of the court order and she can take him to court? If she doesn’t do that what is that saying? She’d rather post about it than put something in place to stop it happening again?

all the hoo hah over the VR set? The kid asked for it twice and didn’t get one for either bday or Xmas…. Why didn’t she just buy one and return it if the dad did end up producing one?

i don’t deny he sounds petty. Because he clearly is. But I don’t think her behaviour covers herself in glory either

I haven't been following her that closely so I must have missed where she posted the evidence that he's been diagnosed with a personality disorder. Because if he hasn't, why does she spend so much time saying he's a narcissist?

But she can't change her face being recognised by friends, family, school acquaintances, passers-by and so on. And that means that her voluminous criticisms and accusations regarding her children's father will almost certainly become public knowledge to her children's friends and so her children.

No matter how shitty your ex may be it's not in your children's best interests to slag off their father to that extent and that publicly.