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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can't stand my new home

208 replies

WannabeWriter1988 · 03/08/2026 10:42

Hi all, my first post and looking for some clarity on if I am in the wrong here.
We lived for a long time in a small village that was a happy place to live with friendly neighbours, lovely community and beautiful surroundings but had to move due to landlord selling up.
We moved counties to be closer to family but from the moment I viewed this house I didn't feel like it could be a home. When we were accepted for it, I told my partner, my family and friends that I didn't like it and they all said I was being silly and precious and would get over it. But I haven't.
The house is nice, lots of light and space but it's very built up and both overlooked by and overlooking a large number of other flats and houses. There is no nature or nature noise (literally not a single spider), it's never really dark, the people are really loud and it feels like living in a fish bowl for people. I feel desperately unhappy, I can't sleep, I feel anxious all the time and everyone I tell just says I'm being stupid. Is this just me or do other people feel like this?

OP posts:
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iamnotalemon · 04/08/2026 05:08

Have you bought it or is it social housing? (You said acccepted for it). If you are feeling unhappy, anxious and can’t sleep - is it really about the house or are there bigger things going on that need to be dealt with? Perhaps dealing with them will make you feel better generally.

Sunnytraces · 04/08/2026 08:08

iamnotalemon · 04/08/2026 05:08

Have you bought it or is it social housing? (You said acccepted for it). If you are feeling unhappy, anxious and can’t sleep - is it really about the house or are there bigger things going on that need to be dealt with? Perhaps dealing with them will make you feel better generally.

You get accepted for private rentals too though. I had to fill up applications and wait to be accepted. Long gone are they days you view, say you like it and sign the contract. Unless you are in area with oddabundance of rentals ir it's a ip with dodgy landlord no one else wants

Swiftie1878 · 04/08/2026 11:57

Redpaisley · 04/08/2026 01:15

Wow, that’s pretty rude and dismissive. Any chance you are dismissive avoidant?

Show quote history

Neither rude nor dismissive.
And if you read my subsequent posts you’ll see just that.

Stop policing people’s conversations. It’s rude and dismissive.

Sartre · 04/08/2026 12:48

Everyone’s different. I grew up in a large city so feel most comfortable and at home in busy environments. DH grew up rurally, literally middle of nowhere with the nearest neighbours about 5 miles away. We compromised with a village close to bigger towns but I hate it. Always hated it. I work in a big city so that satisfies me to an extent. Just really enjoy the hustle bustle of cities.

LibertyLily · 04/08/2026 13:30

Sartre · 04/08/2026 12:48

Everyone’s different. I grew up in a large city so feel most comfortable and at home in busy environments. DH grew up rurally, literally middle of nowhere with the nearest neighbours about 5 miles away. We compromised with a village close to bigger towns but I hate it. Always hated it. I work in a big city so that satisfies me to an extent. Just really enjoy the hustle bustle of cities.

I thought that was me, too. In fact, when we first sold in the city and bought a village house I used to refer to being 'back in civilisation' every time I got within a few miles of a town!

Over the years - at DH's instigating - we gradually moved more rurally till eventually we had just two, not very close, neighbours. It was incredibly peaceful and we created a wildlife-friendly 0.5 acre garden from scratch. But family were all back home by the sea on the south coast and we both realised we were missing them and the stuff to do that wasn't available where we were living.

Since buying back here, though, realisation has dawned that being surrounded by buildings and people constantly is now a culture shock too far!

AprilMizzel · 04/08/2026 14:06

Sartre · 04/08/2026 12:48

Everyone’s different. I grew up in a large city so feel most comfortable and at home in busy environments. DH grew up rurally, literally middle of nowhere with the nearest neighbours about 5 miles away. We compromised with a village close to bigger towns but I hate it. Always hated it. I work in a big city so that satisfies me to an extent. Just really enjoy the hustle bustle of cities.

I grew up in a rural village - it's not now last 20 years it's been engulfed by development - but I love cities. DH grew up in a rural town - his work city based but he's the same.

Our ideal is outskirts of a city with access to city center and countryside. Ironcially my childhood village had very poor access to countryside walks - you often had to drive to do those.

KeepPumping · 05/08/2026 16:02

AprilMizzel · 04/08/2026 14:06

I grew up in a rural village - it's not now last 20 years it's been engulfed by development - but I love cities. DH grew up in a rural town - his work city based but he's the same.

Our ideal is outskirts of a city with access to city center and countryside. Ironcially my childhood village had very poor access to countryside walks - you often had to drive to do those.

Show quote history

A lot of more rural towns I have been to in England recently are horrendous traffic bottlenecks/rat runs in the day time, and as you say walks, heritage sites etc. often involve poor access requiring walking along busy roads etc. to get there, cars are ruining the UK IMO, there is a sort of mad desperation to the driving now as well, not sure what happened to people TBH, best guess is that they are constantly chasing the money just to stay afloat.

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