AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

I think that your compromise sounds fine, whereas doing the whole thing sounds too much.

I thought you might say it was something to do with a terminally ill relative, but the context of a cruise and not always spending Christmas together, puts it in perspective.

I would be very surprised if they mean Father Christmas etc

Are you sure ?

Which bit of Christmas are not in your suggestion?

we’ve done family christmases early or late (admittedly never as early as November and I do think that’s a bit batshit) but surely meal exchange presents and panto is what most people do?

is it that they want Father Christmas presents then? If so that would be a hard no from me.

I think it’s lovely, just do a Christmas dinner and exchange gifts, no Father Christmas? Don’t see the issue

I offered a compromise of them coming over for the weekend, helping the children decorate the tree, we’ll go to the Pantomime (they start mid November here) then we’ll give them their gifts & have a curry, they really want to give the children & us our gifts & recreate Christmas morning.

so they want to give gifts during the morning and have a few glasses of Buck’s Fizz. Anything else. Are you saying they are suggesting stockings and leaving a plate of food out for the reindeers and Santa?

Nope. You're not being unreasonable at all.
Your idea of a panto and a take-away is an excellent one.

Surely the ILs knew they'd miss Christmas when they booked their holiday? It's going to confuse little kids if Santa/Father Christmas arrives twice - especially in November.

Maybe have a 2nd "present opening" after they are back from Canada as a compromise?

I think your suggested compromise sounds reasonable. If they don't want that, then how about you do it their way but after Christmas, on their return from holiday?

If they wanted to actually spend Christmas with their grandchildren then they shouldn't have booked it over the Christmas break. They could have celebrated their 50th a week earlier or later.

Your way is perfectly acceptable OP.

Tell your husband sure, go for it. He is free to arrange every single thing. Don't lift a finger.
He will also be answering the kids questions about why Santa has already been, how does that make sense, and their overwhelm at having two over hyped Christmases.

Oh come on - all they want to do is go to the pantomime, have a roast and open some presents.

Anything more?

I would do your compromise but add in exchanging presents with them early, on their “fake Christmas”.

Tell the children FC only brings some some of the presents not all.

I wouldn’t be cooking Christmas food in Nov - the curry sounds fine - but if DH wants to cook a roast then surely he can!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. One it’s a big commitment to do two full Christmas Days and two I think it would take just a little of the shine off the real Christmas if you’d already done it all a month earlier! Part of what makes it special is the excitement leading up to the one single day.

Some people wouldn’t mind this at all and would crack on with two days, but I think if it’s important to you to preserve a bit of real Christmas Day magic and excitement, then you can’t do the whole thing in advance.

Are you one of those families where all the children’s presents come from Father Christmas, so in order for the grandparents to give their presents on Fake Christmas, you’ll have to pretend Father Christmas has come? That particular variation on the tradition has never really made sense to me, but it’s the only hiccup I can see here. Otherwise just do your plan, but let the grandparents give their gifts to your children as well, which I’m sure is the part they would miss the most.

ETA: Sorry, cross posted with OP! I’d let them do it, just without a big “waking on Christmas morning”
fandango.

What is it that they want that isn't covered by your suggestion?
Decorating the tree, panto, a fancy roast with a nice pud, and exchanging and opening presents to & from the in-laws seems fine, and I'd happily accomodate that.

I'd not do Father Christmas until actual Christmas.

Agree to replicate - but after Xmas would be my compromise

As they’re the ones buggering off for actual Christmas and asking you to host, they really don’t get to call the shots, I’d have thought

Your compromise sounds lovely.

It does seem to exclude PIL giving their presents. I'm not sure why. It's natural for them to want to see you all opening the presents and it won't be confusing for the children. Even if the grandparents say, "Happy Christmas," you can tell the children that it doesn't mean that it is Christmas ("It can't be Christmas yet, we didn't put anything out for Father Christmas last night and he hasn't been here and left your presents.") - it's just what people say when they give Christmas presents, even when they give them early.

Are they envisaging Christmas tree? Leaving Santa’s food out? Stockings?

Be honest!

Sounds pretty harmless to me.
We've done an early Christmas as DH's family often go away. We have Christmas dinner and exchange gifts for eachother.
The kids are told that we are celebrating with DH's family early as they are going on holiday. It's really not a big deal.

Exactly what you are describing the in-laws want was a thing in my family for a bit. We stopped it as it was too much, and things are better for it. Don’t let it start!! The compromise day sounds great (and is sort of what we do these days to keep everyone feeling involved in Xmas).

We do this every year. We haven’t seen three out of four of our adult children on Christmas Day for about 20 years. They all come to us a couple of days afterwards and we do a complete rerun with all the trimmings. None of the grandchildren are fazed by it, they love having two Christmases. Even if you don’t do the whole thing surely you’d open the presents you exchange?

No, I wouldn’t be keen. Christmas Day is special because it’s Christmas Day, you can’t really replicate it. I’d veto a tree/presents/chocolates/carols etc! Just do a roast, theatre/panto and have a lovely November Sunday - if in-laws are so bothered about Christmas they should have booked their holiday for January! They can leave the presents behind for kids to open in December.