AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

let me be clear? Are they expecting you to do the cooking planning and so on? If so hard (well gentle) no from me.
Loads of children do have two christmasses (or christmas and Hannukah/Kwanzaa etc) because their parents aren't together. I am not sure about how old the children are but surely there are ways to compromise if you like your in laws? eg not all the decs, smaller quicker to deal with tree etc. obvs you won't lie and say its suddenly december.
As I said, key to me is how much you like your in laws. And yeah, Santa's not coming early but WE are gving nanny and grandad a christmas now so we can all be together.

I can’t see why opening gifts is a problem. Santa just isn’t bringing them.

@WarmHare Are they expecting you to have your house decorated with the tree/fairy lights etc in November too?
Might be a real PITA if you have a real tree...it's never going to make it to January.

well that bit they can't have. Its will also be missing the public buildup...stuff in the shops, public decs, TV, school activities, so there will be no fooling the kids and I don't think they should be expected to "act" christmas for grownups

Your compromise take it or leave it (but do panto regardless, what a way to start the season!). If it was that important to them they shouldn’t have booked a cruise over Christmas!

How old are your children?
Growing up we always had an extra early Christmas with my cousins, hosted by my grandmother because they always visited other family on the actual day. We loved it and it was 'X Family Christmas' with a roast at the start of December, where we all swapped presents. We all have fond memories and felt we got two lovely days.
Your suggestion sounds great. I don't think grandparents suggestion of pretending it is the real thing will work - tv adverts, advent calendar and friends/school will give that away or be very confusing.
I would stick with it being Granny and Grandpa's christmas party as distinct from actual christmas.

Say you've thought about it and are happy to have a meal but not replicate Christmas day. It's a daft idea.

Seems a non issue to me

"We're doing an extra Christmas with Grandma, and we'll do the real thing / Santa in a few weeks"

If your gripe is that your DH expects you to do all the work, that's a different discussion

we did a delayed Christmas for my son when he was young to fit around family and it was fine... so normally I'd be in favor of shifting Christmas by a bit, if t means more family are included..

But by a month? That is a bit too much for me.

I think you can keep fiddling with the compromise to make sure it works for both of you.

Letting them stay over? Not really a problem
Christmas dinner? No - replace with another meal
Presents in the morning? As long as it is clearly theirs only etc.
Call it "Grandma's early Christmas" so the kids know it isn't the real thing..
more activities out, less time at home,

Etc.

I'm sure you can work through a plan that works for everyone.

Fuck, no. Your dh is an idiot, btw.

Christmas is at Christmas. If they are away for the month of December , for whatever reason, they just suck it up.

@WarmHare don’t take any shit and don’t bend over backwards, either. A nice day out, panto perhaps but don’t go overboard.

And clearly explain to your children that Christmas is on the 25th of December and not before. Just in case anyone gets Ideas.

So what’s wrong with that?

Opening presents from grandparents for Christmas isn’t replicating the Father Christmas coming bit.

A roast is just a roast.

Chocolates are just chocolates.

you don't even need to have your decorations up as it’s not even December then.

The rest is just a family day opening gifts and eating food 🤷‍♀️

Replicate Christmas by celebrating it early? Wtaf? Does this day even mean anything to them?

Gosh, people have gone mad in their consumerism. Truly mad. Teach the children to confuse important cause (Christmas) and insignificant effect (consumeristic fuss surrounding it).

Are they also going to ask the vicar to do replicate the service earlier too? Like Meghan Markle 'we were married by the Bishop the day before'?

This. All the justifying about Canada is about what they're going to do/not do. They haven't thought about how it affects the actual 25th December for you. It's like you're just props in their world without lives of your own.

I would allow them to come and give their gifts, no others, to the kids to open on the morning of fake Christmas, and I'd have an early Christmas dinner (can't have too many). What I wouldn't do is lie or pretend it was a day that it wasn't. 'Real' Christmas will be on 25th December with their mum and dad as usual. They chose to go away for that date. They can't have it both ways.

Also unimpressed with it not being cool in their view to tell the kids an untrue story about Santa, but fine to lie that it's a day it isn't, coincidentally for their benefit.

I really don't think it'll be an issue for the children if they're under 5 and grandparents don't do Father Christmas anyway.

It sounds like a plan for a nice couple of days. But DH does the cooking.

They should know that Santa doesn’t bring all their gifts anyway. We always knew which were off family and our main gifts was from our mum. Makes them more appreciative of what they receive. Some children get a lot more and some a lot less.

My SIL did this last year, and it was fine. Her (under 5) GC was going to be with Dad’s family, so they hired a big house out a few weeks before Christmas, and her DD and Son in law came down. SIL is divorced so ex-partner and thier new wife came as well .. it was a lovely big “Christmas” with dinner & gifts & games etc. GC was fine, not confused, and still had a lovely Christmas a couple of weeks later.

If Christmas is so important to them why on earth have they booked to be away!!
I would absolutely not be replicating Christmas for them with young children! Definitely no telling the children it’s Christmas Day tomorrow!
Your idea sounds perfectly reasonable.

This kind of comes off as confusing and gaslighting. I would never try to confuse my young kids lying that it was a holiday when it wasn't. I hope I'm just misunderstanding that part.

And lots of Canadians have big Xmas celebrations. Are you sure they're not bullshitting you about that?

They’re not suggesting telling the kids it’s Christmas Day. 🙄

Absolutely not.
Your idea (the original one, not the one involving gifts) is perfect for adults who won't be around at Christmas and children who would find an early Christmas/two confusing.

If they or your DH is still resistant, as someone else suggested, tell him OK – he is free to arrange it all and to try to explain it to the kids/deal with meltdowns if it's too confusing for them and/or they're overwhelmed at having two Christmases.

They haven’t mentioned

Christmas tree
stockings
leaving plate out for Santa
Christmas carols
etc

have they op?

Yes they are! And I quote directly from OP’s third post
“but they want them to go to bed & tell them “we’re having Christmas tomorrow” they give their gifts to us we give them there’s, have Buck’s Fizz, make a Christmas dinner…. Open the chocolates etc.”

so what really is your problem? I mean really? You needn't answer honestly on here but please think about why this is so triggering for you?