AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

You may have had different responses if you'd explained in the OP that your children are so young , and their impression of Christmas is still being formed.

As an aside, at that age some children just open one present and play with it, rather than doing the big performance your Pil seem to expect. I've had unopened Christmas gifts into the new year at that young age, dc opening another in their own time.

Anyway, now is when you decide whether you want to prioritise Christmas for your children or for your Pil. You know what's best for your new family unit.

NO

this from me too. Which is why I asked what the OP's real deep down version was....I mean I don't think confusing the children is a flyer for a reason, as I said loads of families do two Christmasses for loads of reasons.

Hi op can’t you just explain to the kids that gp are on holiday at Christmas time and they want to do a pretend Christmas Day with the kids so it’s not really Christmas it just so nanny and grandad can pretend because they will not be here for the real Christmas.

I would forgo the tree. You could perhaps do a Thanksgiving Dinner. (I know Canada do theirs in October but you could do a belated one for PiLs if their not going to get their big Christmas in Canada) ) and exchange the presents "because Granny and Grandad will be on holiday at Christmas" & the Pantomime if you want to . I think doing a whole pretend Christmas might spoil the real one. But that might be a festive day and you can have the Bucks Fizz / chocolates / watch a film etc.

You’ve offered a fair compromise, if they were that bothered they should have booked a cruise at a different time

And I could understand it more if they'd been given weeks to live or something. It's a bit rich expecting you to put in this work, as much as Christmas with young kids is joyful it can also be exhausting managing their excitement, I wouldn't be happy to do this two times over.

Well said indeed!

That is just ridiculous. They booked the cruise over Christmas. They miss Christmas with you - their choice. They don’t get to create work and confusion pretending otherwise.
Your suggestion is perfect.

This thread...People falling over themselves to maintain a hackneyed, silly lie of an old man bringing gifts that apparently is the true magic of Christmas – not the birth of Christ, not family and love and togetherness. No, just children who don’t really have a clue believing in sodding Father Christmas. I’m not a religious person, but I believe it is far more important, magical and Christmassy to do something lovely for your family that will make them happy, especially since these people are apparently lovely and not demanding usually, than it is for children to believe in FC. And these children are under 5 so it will be absolutely no issue anyway as they will go along with whatever you tell them if you do involve FC in this.

And the tone of some of these posts is something else – ‘hard no,’ ‘no way would I have that shit,’ ‘it’s their problem…’ Horrible. And these are people who believe strongly in the importance of the magic of Christmas apparently. I also really don’t like it when people use children being ‘confused’ or ‘upset,’ as a fake reason for things when actually it is the adult concerned who has the issue – fine to say no to things, but don’t hide behind children.

And fwiw, OP, I didn’t really ‘do’ FC with my dc and our Christmases are incredibly magical and feature a lot of traditions that, so far, they still insist on at the ages of 16 and 18 (last year). I think it’s very arrogant to assume that having spent one or two Christmases with you they now realise they were doing it wrong for years!

I would be happy to offer Christmas activities, maybe make a thing of decorating the tree together on the Saturday? I would also be happy to do a special roast, crackers celebration on the Sunday. I wouldn’t be happy to call it Christmas to my children. If the grandparents want to give their gifts I’d bend the rule to let them. I would not be mentioning Father Christmas as part of this, he’s for Christmas Eve not November.

You love and appreciate them so I’d have a festive celebration but I wouldn’t call it Christmas.

WHY?

We did family christmas (roast turkey, some gifts) as early as November some years as my aunt was a nurse (so worked christmas).

Father christmas obviously comes on the 24/12 though. It wasnt confusing that auntie wanted a nice day with us and to see us open what she bought us.

I don't think that sounds too full on to be honest or massively confusing for the kids. Whatever their age you could just tell your the kids the truth, i.e. their grand parents want to celebrate Xmas because they won't be here on the actual Xmas day but then you'll do proper Xmas again on the 25th because that's when father Christmas actually comes to town. Even a toddler wouldn't find that confusing I think. It's like having a birthday party on a day different to your actual birthday.

It looks like they aren't asking for anything that absolutely has to be seasonal (i.e all the father Christmas, reindeer, elves, etc stuff) so I'd just go with it. I don't think it will take the shine off yours. Just as last year's Christmas won't take the shine off this year's Christmas.

Merry Christmas 🎄

We’re a blended family and did 4 Xmases last year

it’s one day, it will be fine! Just tell the kids those specific presents came from granny/grandpa and father Xmas will be there with pressies on Xmas day.

Even better and 100% true.

Jeez, it’s specifically the cultural aspects I was on about, with no reflection of this or that Gospel text.
Maybe using ‘actual’ was misleading, as I didn't mean ‘literal historical fact’, but I meant just the details kids know about a crib such as they may have at school or see in town. (Like we know the tale of the siege of Troy). I included a donkey because of the sweet carol mostly, and little kids love donkeys.

I was careful to say there was no hint of anything theological in any of this; just the material trappings of a family Christmas with the Nativity story very much in
the character of an appealing fairy story for young kids.
(I too am a staunch atheist by the way, but I’d defend that story as a very good one for that purpose)

What’s wrong with them opening presents not on Christmas Day?

They can just open PIL presents.

There will be lots of instances in the future where Christmas and birthday presents are given on different days and it’s ok for them to open them there and then.

Most families have different christmases on different days if they are separated or visit different family members etc

Think about what your kids would want and they would absolutely love a mini Christmas.

nailed it. Which is why I asked twice what the OP's REAL issue is?

Be careful you don't set a precedence as they might start cruising every Xmas.

I would have a nice meal, do the decorating but no presents or you'll have kids bouncing up the wall for a month before Xmas#2.

Having read all of your posts, I'd go with most of what they want. You've explained that they're normally pretty good people and that their holiday wasn't originally planned for these dates too.

The food part, I'd personally be okay with a curry, but, having said that, we do a roast most weekends, so doing one in November wouldn't be an issue.

Tree up, decorations and lights on, gifts exchanged and opened. Whichever food you decide on.

As for the gift thing, when my four were little Christmas day could be quite overwhelming with too many gifts to open. For a couple of years we would save all gifts for the 25th, but I quickly realised that the kids themselves appreciated the gifts more and weren't as overwhelmed if things were spread out a bit. So gifts from friends and inlaws, if given early, were opened at the time and the giver thanked. I do think most adults enjoy seeing the faces of kids opening their gifts too.

None of this took away from Christmas morning with stockings and Father Christmas as well as gifts from us. Even little ones knew which one the real Christmas was.

You can do presents, without involving Father Christmas, who of course can only ever come on Christmas Eve.

As for a Christmas dinner, that’s really for the adults, isn’t it? I don’t think children usually get too worked up about the roast. Crackers always go down well, though - at least they always have with children in this family.

We always have a real tree, though, so I certainly wouldn’t want to put that up in November!

I don't understand why they need to do it at all. They shouldn't have booked to go away if it means that much to them.

I was going to say this.

Who is doing all the work?

End of November is about the time when people are usually rushing around with school events and Christmas shopping and trying to organise things for the 25th.. Its such a busy time of year.

Now you are being asked to do all of this and "replicate" Christmas almost a month earlier.

It's nuts.

Also... why pretend. Its not for the kids benefit. A lovely pre Christmas get together with tree decorating and a panto sounds like more than enough.. without having to do any entire Christmas Dinner and do presents as well. A token present and then a post Cruise get together ( at their house!) to give the Chilren their presents ( or put them under the tree is more than enough).
Put your foot down or go on strike.

As long as there’s no father Xmas in November, then it will be fine.