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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

446 replies

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 10:30

It's DS17 birthday today.

We agreed beforehand that we'd pay for half of his driving lessons and he'd pay the other half himself.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 01/08/2026 10:32

Driving lessons is a generous present
assume you’ve done a card? At 17 assume he’s also going to celebrate with mates as well

ScrambledEggs12 · 01/08/2026 10:32

Up to you. I couldn't not give something though, even if it's just a box of chocolates!

Octavia64 · 01/08/2026 10:33

I’d do card and cake and token present (chocs?)

user293948849167 · 01/08/2026 10:33

Nothing as in no card even, no cake, favourite dinner/meal out? That’s extremely mean.
I’d have got him something small to open on the day too

BendingSpoons · 01/08/2026 10:34

Depends what you mean by 'nothing else'. Literally nothing sounds pretty mean. I'd probably buy a few nice food/drink bits that he likes, plus a cake, and cook his favourite meal or get takeaway if affordable.

Treetreetreetree · 01/08/2026 10:34

Can't you get him a bar of chocolate and a pair of socks?

Isit2026yet · 01/08/2026 10:35

@NavySeal i’d be paying for all the lessons and tests. And getting them something to open.

RVectensian · 01/08/2026 10:37

I'd have had to do little bits as well. Whatever they're in to, for ours it would be nice socks, noodles, snacks, sport related bits and bobs.

All the usual fuss....cake, nice breakfast, takeaway or meal out for dinner etc.

Do you mean you literally have done nothing else? I kind of see driving lessons as a big parental job/responsibility if you live in an area that isn't say, central London. So even the fact you're using paying for them as a present is one thing, let alone him paying half and you not doing anything else.

Kaidaia · 01/08/2026 10:39

Yea I would have to hone a token gift as well. Chocolates or socks something little

fromgothtoboss · 01/08/2026 10:39

I would still do card, balloon, small token gift or two and a meal out/takeaway

pastadish · 01/08/2026 10:43

Get him a cake and some socks and lynx at least! You can get some in Tesco for a couple a pounds. In a card write his big birthday present is half the driving lessons. Awful for him to have nothing else. I assume you’ll be giving him half the money every week so it’s not like you’re forking out hundreds of pounds in one go and cannot afford a caterpillar cake for him

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/08/2026 10:45

If I’m getting one of the kids a present that is something to do or when it was driving lessons for dd17 I make a sort of “voucher” for it to put in their card or wrap so it looks like a “thing”.

I would usually get a small gift as well so they have something on the day - even if it’s just the sweets they like or something.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/08/2026 10:46

Not just the kids I should say!

Stompythedinosaur · 01/08/2026 10:48

You still need to find a way to make a fuss for a child's birthday, even if it doesn't involve spending more money.

I would always have a small gift to open, but even a cake or favourite tea would be better than nothing.

anon4net · 01/08/2026 10:49

I'd definitely get him something to open, maybe a little gift card etc., plus a card and favourite meal out or favourite home cooked meal. I'd also make a little voucher or something to show the driving lesson gift and stick it in the card - maybe a receipt for the first 10 lessons?

I don't think birthday's are about money/materialism, but let's be honest, it's always nice to have something to open and when he's paying 1/2 of his lessons himself, which is being very sensible, I'd want to make sure he has a little fun gift to mark the day.

Likeiloveyou · 01/08/2026 10:50

I always give mine something to unwrap.

SconehengeRevenge · 01/08/2026 10:51

Do you think your child is special/glorious/someone you want to celebrate, or not @NavySeal ?
There's your answer

Lomonald · 01/08/2026 10:52

Not a card a meal out ? Or just a card and a happy birthday son? When we paid for lessons for birthdays there was no extra presents but we always ate out on birthdays regardless of gift, so we did that.

blankcanvas3 · 01/08/2026 10:54

Bit mean to not get him something little to unwrap or have a meal out to celebrate?

UrbanFan · 01/08/2026 10:54

Aw so he has nothing to open on his birthday from his Mum. That is sad.😞

Naurrr · 01/08/2026 10:54

Why do you not want to celebrate his birthday or get him a gift, even something small?

NorthDowns · 01/08/2026 11:01

Honestly this is bizarre behaviour.
Celebrate his birthday, buy him a proper gift.
Driving lessons are separate.
Unless you are skint this is mean.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 01/08/2026 11:02

I would give him something like a nice take away/ cook his fave dinner. Trick him into spending a bit of time with you as well 😂. That’s what my mum did when we were teens and were to cool for family parties. If you’re paying for his driving lessons, you’ve already forked over a lot, so I don’t really think he needs something to unwrap, but a card and something tasty never goes a miss. A lot of men/boys don’t really get cards though, DH, my dad and my brothers always tell me I don’t need to bother with a card but I do it anyway, I’m doing it for me more than them though and I recognise that.

HumberSquid · 01/08/2026 11:02

NorthDowns · 01/08/2026 11:01

Honestly this is bizarre behaviour.
Celebrate his birthday, buy him a proper gift.
Driving lessons are separate.
Unless you are skint this is mean.

Disagree completely. Driving lessons are a generous gift.
Still, a birthday tea and a little something to open wouldnt be excessive.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 01/08/2026 11:04

Also don’t listen to the crack pots suggesting you don’t love your son because he has nothing to unwrap. That’s just insane. He probably wants to party with his mates and is happy he doesn’t have to pay for driving lessons - I highly doubt a 17 year old will cry over having nothing to unwrap, or jump to “mummy doesn’t love me”. He’s 17 not 7.

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