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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

446 replies

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 10:30

It's DS17 birthday today.

We agreed beforehand that we'd pay for half of his driving lessons and he'd pay the other half himself.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 01/08/2026 11:46

I don’t think it has to be expensive but I can’t believe you said happy birthday to him and that was the end of that. Surely he deserves some sort of recognition from his parents? Poor kid.

AnAutumnCrow · 01/08/2026 11:46

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 11:19

He hasnt said anything so I think it should be ok but he does seem quite annoyed today. We said happy birthday to him a few times

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So you know.

At least go buy him a cake for later, a box of Roses and a book/tee-shirt/token present of some sort. And for the love of god please write something nice in a card even if it’s homemade using a postcard or photograph or craft scraps.

Desperatelyseekinglazysusan · 01/08/2026 11:46

DS had driving lessons for his 17th but he still got a token ' something to unwrap"- Books for his theory test, toiletries etc as well as a card a cake and dinner! A bit mean to get absolutely nothing else! Also they're 18 in the blink of an eye, then adults. Savour every birthday!

HoppityBun · 01/08/2026 11:47

For goodness sake! Get him a card and something for £20 or £30 that he’d like. Assuming, of course, that you are glad to have had him around for 17 years.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 01/08/2026 11:47

Goodness, I would at least have bought him a set of fluffy dice and some chocolates! No wonder he’s feeling fed up.

MrsVBS · 01/08/2026 11:49

I couldn’t do this, we paid for the whole set of lessons and still got bits to open, I know everyone’s circumstance is different but couldn’t not do pressies to open!

AnAutumnCrow · 01/08/2026 11:49

The absolute lack of effort and faux ‘wondering’ is all very odd.

Lomonald · 01/08/2026 11:50

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/08/2026 11:17

No reason she can’t celebrate his birthday though. And to be fair, paying for half his lessons and then not getting him anything else or celebrating his birthday does indeed imply they are skint, or just mean.

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To be fair, I was replying to a poster who didn't think driving lessons were a "proper gift".

Bristolandlazy · 01/08/2026 11:50

Are you serious? I hope this is a wind up? Literally nothing! How would you feel? Don't you like him? Has he upset you?
You could of spent a tenner, got him a card with a car air freshener for when he passes his test, some chocolate, a t-shirt, socks, his favourite snacks, but you didn't and no dinner plans. You aren't struggling for money and this is what you did.
WoW!
Some people spoil their children and some people don't. This is sad.
Yes you're unreasonable and I would say it's a parenting fail.

Mermaidmusing · 01/08/2026 11:51

I feel that paying for driving lessons is part and parcel of being a parent, and shouldn’t be linked to birthdays/Christmas. In the same way that it would be unfair to say that swimming/music lessons were a birthday gift. Paying for your child’s hobbies and gaining of life skills is a parent’s responsibility, to whatever extent they can afford it - I’m not saying everyone can.

It would be different - and very generous - if it was a grandparent/aunt/uncle/godparent offering driving lessons as a birthday gift, but for the child’s actual parents to do it, no.

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 01/08/2026 11:52

Sounds like a fun household.

BettyJoanPerske · 01/08/2026 11:53

Mermaidmusing · 01/08/2026 11:51

I feel that paying for driving lessons is part and parcel of being a parent, and shouldn’t be linked to birthdays/Christmas. In the same way that it would be unfair to say that swimming/music lessons were a birthday gift. Paying for your child’s hobbies and gaining of life skills is a parent’s responsibility, to whatever extent they can afford it - I’m not saying everyone can.

It would be different - and very generous - if it was a grandparent/aunt/uncle/godparent offering driving lessons as a birthday gift, but for the child’s actual parents to do it, no.

Exactly. It's actually the parents' responsibility.

PollyBell · 01/08/2026 11:53

I dont get it you have made the decision so why ask?

We would never do this and would always get at a small parcel of something but you have so why the change of mind?

Switchnow · 01/08/2026 11:53

Mermaidmusing · 01/08/2026 11:41

You pay for your 32 year old’s mobile phone contract every year?! Good god. No wonder Millennials are entitled, spoilt little brats.

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An annual phone contract can be less than £100. Or is it buying a present for an adult child that you think makes them ‘spoilt’?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/08/2026 11:54

Lomonald · 01/08/2026 11:50

To be fair, I was replying to a poster who didn't think driving lessons were a "proper gift".

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It’s easy to see what they mean in the context of this thread, especially as OP isn’t struggling financially and has bought half his lessons, with him paying for the other half himself. I could see what you were replying to when I quoted you

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 01/08/2026 11:54

Bristolandlazy · 01/08/2026 11:50

Are you serious? I hope this is a wind up? Literally nothing! How would you feel? Don't you like him? Has he upset you?
You could of spent a tenner, got him a card with a car air freshener for when he passes his test, some chocolate, a t-shirt, socks, his favourite snacks, but you didn't and no dinner plans. You aren't struggling for money and this is what you did.
WoW!
Some people spoil their children and some people don't. This is sad.
Yes you're unreasonable and I would say it's a parenting fail.

Edited

This. I look forward to the OP’s post in 5 years saying “AIBU to wonder why my son moved away and never stays in touch with me?”

Onmytod24 · 01/08/2026 11:54

Your OP and the way you’ve treat your son is one of the saddest posts. it’s not dramatic it’s just flat unbearably flat

Zanatdy · 01/08/2026 11:54

I’d never give nothing, always a few things to unwrap, a cake, few banners.

PlacidPenelope · 01/08/2026 11:56

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 11:19

He hasnt said anything so I think it should be ok but he does seem quite annoyed today. We said happy birthday to him a few times

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I am not surprised he seems a bit annoyed, you got him absolutely nothing else?. A few spoken Happy Birthday's? You couldn't have run to a token present, nice card, meal out/takeaway of his choice? Anything to make a bit of fuss of him today?

YABVU.

I wouldn't be surprised if he turned down the offer of a dinner out as it would seem rather begrudging, too little too late.

Marmaladeisorange · 01/08/2026 11:56

How awful.

Bringflowersofthefairest · 01/08/2026 11:57

Poor lad

StrawberryMatchaLatte · 01/08/2026 12:00

Yabu, you're not even giving him the driving lessons as a present because he's paying half himself.

Shinyandnew1 · 01/08/2026 12:00

Just because you’ve bought him half of his driving lessons, doesn’t mean you can’t make a fuss. I’d feel awful if someone in my house was annoyed on their birthday. Did you do a card? Make a cake? Make him coffee or breakfast?

I would have got him
a little present-a top or L plates or a book or something! Go and talk to him and ask if he wants to go out for dinner or something he loves for dinner or have friends over or something.

I wouldn’t have just done that and nothing else, no. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just a bit of a fuss.

AmusedMember · 01/08/2026 12:00

That's your son..... A token gift! Everyone likes something to open on their birthday!

LightningTree · 01/08/2026 12:01

Did you tell him the driving lessons were his birthday present? If not I think you should get him something small to open on the day.